8 Ways to Solve Hollywood's Naked Woman Movie Poster Problem

To many, there won't seem to be anything particularly wrong with the poster for the new James Bond movie Spectre. See? It's perfectly harmless:

Just a man covered head-to-toe (we can probably assume these aren't capris) in what looks like an outfit straight from the Gap, holding a gun and sporting some sexy piercing blue eyes. Nothing to see here, folks (except damn, does Daniel Craig have some sexy piercing blue eyes). Really, this is subtle, classy, and generally uneventful. So what's the problem? Well, this poster is the latest in a series that includes gems like this:

And this:

And this particular winner:

In fact, it seems like a genuine struggle for a James Bond poster to involve a clothed woman. "Well, it's called "James Bond." Can you blame them for featuring the main dude?" Well, maybe not, and it seems they've had a change of heart in the last few years. Instead of featuring any women at all, mostly these posters have just been James holding a weapon and looking somewhat concerned. Of course, Quantum of Solace did manage a clothed woman on the poster. Behold this rare moment: 

Notice how concerned these two are together. Notice how clothed. Notice how this basically never happened before or again on a James Bond poster. You could argue Halle Berry was clothed on the Die Another Day poster, but her body is also 80% Pierce Brosnan. 

Well, at least she got her own gun. Has James Bond ever been a beacon of feminism? Not exactly, but we're confident the solution isn't eliminating women from their marketing campaigns entirely. Of course, James Bond isn't the only culprit of oversexualizing women to sell some seats. However, we want the standards raised and demand more from this apparently unkillable franchise, and so we've compiled 10 tips n' tricks to live your best movie poster life. Take note, Bond!

8. Maybe don't sexualize your poster so intensely that it needs to have an alternative censored version, like this promo image from American remake of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

Yes, Lisbeth is a powerful, intelligent, and strong character who is comfortable in her own skin. But hey, at least in that case free the nipple and don't even bother with the censored version! And why does Daniel Craig get to stand behind her all broody and protective? He has a great chest too! Free all the nipples!

7. Fun fact: girls can be badass with clothes on too!

In the same movie, nonthless, just made by Sweden this time. And not a man in sight! Did this movie sell tickets? Well, just look at how many sequels got made versus how many American ones were managed...

6. Consider letting your female lead keep her entire face. 

Clearly a great way to put a women on a poster is to make her coat the same color as the background and then throw a tie over her face. This poster is 140% Steve Carrell and 60% Anne Hathaway, but she's clothed and on the poster, so maybe this is a win. Speaking of this rule, let's examine another example in the poster for Paper Towns, shall we?

Why is there wind blowing in this movie poster? Is it because she's "getting lost?" metaphorically in her own hair? And the dude's hair's going in the opposite direction, which scientifically just doesn't add up. Was there no other way to imply mystery than this random gust of movie poster wind? Does wind blow in this girl's face in the book a lot, so it's a reference to that? We need answers.

5. Give credit where credit is due, dammit.

We love Rose McGowan. She's speaking out shamelessly about the types of oversexualized expectations women are supposed to meet in film and TV, and we appreciate her for that. We also appreciate her for this badass, if yes, sexualized poster. But the real issue here is in the slogan. Excuse me, movie poster, humanity does not rest on a high-powered machine gun, it rests on the awesome woman who's weilding that thing. 

4. Sexualize everyone equally! (When appropriate, of course.)

Everyone's hot. Everyone's happy.

3. Sex should definitely not need to sell horror. (Caution: NSFW)

I am deeply unthrilled at including a poster for this endlessly disturbing Eli Roth film that features the torture and murder of many innocent women. Horror is a genre that often leans on half-naked, blood-soaked women as a sexual effect to tantalize the audience, but, um, isn't this too much? If there's a line at all, isn't this kind of it? James Bond, please don't include women on your posters if it's going to be like this. We don't mind the turtleneck, possibly capris look if this is the alternative. 

2. If the James Bond franchise wants to stick with this completely clothed person holding a weapon thing but still include women, maybe Bond should just be a woman...

Just saying. She doesn't even look concered. She just looks like she knows everyone in her path has something to fear because of just how badass she is. Natalie Dormer for Next James Bond. 

1. Don't include people on your posters at all.

Include dinosaurs. Make sure all your movies have dinosaurs. And powerful women. And maybe, sometimes, a man.