Orphan Black Recap: Love (And Lube) is In the Air

It’s a rough night for Alison fans, since everyone’s favorite Blood Ties star is glaringly absent from the episode. But what OB lacks in Alison, it makes up for in near-graphic near-sex scenes! But first, calm down everyone, we’ve got some plot to deal with. Rachel, Paul, and Leekie investigate the scene of the crime where Helena killed Daniel. Clearly, Rachel isn’t too thrilled her monitor/man-toy is dead, and doesn’t seem to keen on a forgive-and-forget approach.

Also not super thrilled about his situation is Felix, who is now forced to babysit a bitter, hissing Helena after Sarah decides to protect and integrate her into the family. As much as one can integrate Helena into anything, of course. Luckily, Helena is susceptible to the idea of having not one but two seestras, and seems to be okay with being watched by Felix while Sarah tries to reach Kira and Cal, who spend the episode having some lovely and police-evading daddy/daughter bonding time.

A very ice-cold Rachel confronts Paul about being her new monitor now that Daniel is dead. She explains that even though she’s a self-aware pro-clone, she still has a monitor just like everyone else. But being a pro-clone does have its perks, like shutting down all the other clones, so when she asks Leekie how his stem-cell research is going and he’s really optimistic about its potential positive effects on Cosima, she informs him there will be no treating Cosima until Sarah turns herself in and cooperates. But...but then we wouldn’t get scenes like this:

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. While sciencing around in their “budding lesbian” biology haven, Delphine tells Cosima that Leekie has some promising information on the stem-cell research that could benefit her. Only thing is, Delphine got it as a fluke, even though Leekie had promised to share everything. Like dirty double dealings should surprise these girls at this point.

Back at Prolethian Farmville, Mom and Pop Prolethain discuss Gracie’s punishment for attacking Helena. They visit her makeshift cell and try to get her to tell the truth about what really happened, only it’s a little difficult because they’ve literally sewn her mouth shut. Gracie doesn’t bend to their will however- until Sexy Prolethian Mark visits with milk, kind words, and a kiss. Post-kiss Gracie, who somehow manages to blush despite her gruesome human Project Runway situation, decides she'll now comply. Gracie’s parents set her lips free, and she claims she was protecting them by attacking Helena. She apologizes, but her mom’s not super forgiving, saying that if they don’t get Helena back Gracie will have to carry the child. It’s just not easy being a Prolethian youth these days.

Paul walks in on Rachel watching her childhood videos, but it’s research she’s doing, not reminiscing. She tells him that as her monitor he’ll report her data to Leekie but report to her first on all other matters. She explains to him how Leekie can get too attached to his subjects, then gives him Daniel’s gun and a mysterious mission. It’s probably safe to say Paul is conflicted, even though his face is permanently chiseled into a look of stoic, slightly confused indifference.

Felix takes Helena on a field trip to Detective Bells’, where he frisks her, disarms her of Felix’s pen, and handcuffs her (for her safety and everyone else’s). Detective Bell’s interrogation doesn’t go too well because Helena is mostly just distracted by his fish tank. But being a detective, Bell figures out the best plan and, using presumably all the food in his house, gets Helena to start telling him her life story (including blinding someone with her thumbs!. In pure Helena form, she’s more interested in eating and discontinues story time pretty quickly. She’s also quite interested in escaping, and uses can lids to set herself free, then handcuffs Bell to a pole before escaping.

It’s sexy time with Felix, including the ultimate getting-ready montage that should really set the standard for us all. His coroner friend arrives for the date, but it mostly just turns into immediately getting it on. But just as soon as Coroner Pal is lubing up, some Dyad folks, including Paul, burst in to search Felix’s place. Once alone, Paul turns the gun Rachel gave him on Felix, but instead of shooting him (as if the writers would ever dare), Paul makes him hold the gun so his DNA is on it, then calls Sarah to tell him that the gun will then be found in a murder case and Felix will be charged. Talk about a cock-block-palooza.    

Delphine and Cosima break into Leekie’s office to explore whatever he’s keeping from them, but of course Leekie walks in just as they're getting started (time your break-ins better, girls).

Delphine confronts him about withholding the stem cell discoveries from Cosima, and he immediately admits everything about Rachel’s plan to stop testing on Cosima. He also tells them that the fire that killed Rachel’s parents also destroyed the original genome, along with the records of synthetic sequences of their DNA. Luckily, Leekie seems to be Team Cophine and divulges that he will ignore Rachel’s orders and proceed with the treatment. Cue the most attractively cinematic injection sequence ever. Here's to at least another day of Cosima perfection!

 At the Cal/Kira camper, Kira passes the time by drawing Sarah’s “sisters” who “all look the same.” Oh Sarah, you should have known you can only keep your clone secrets for so long. Luckily, a policeman comes and demands registration for the camper before Cal can dwell on how weird this is. The policeman is about to investigate further when Kira crashes the conversation in a gas mask “Halloween” costume and is so cute and normal seeming the policeman leaves them alone. That a' mini-grifter! 

Sarah returns to Bell’s apartment where he’s being held hostage and helps him escape. They find a cootie-catcher that Helena has turned into a map and use it to find Maggie Chen’s (remember, the woman Beth was accused of killing) storage locker. Helena has already stolen a motorcycle and run away, but there’s still a goldmine of info, including a picture of Rachel’s parents labeled “Swan Man,” which Sarah remembers connects to Cosima’s story about Leda and the Swan. They find another photo featuring what looks like Rachel’s dad taken much later than the lab explosion, meaning he’s probably still alive. Surprise, surprise! They lastly find an empty sniper rifle case and a decapitated Rachel Barbie, so the mystery of the Swan Man is set aside while they deal with the fact Helena is most likely 100% going to use that sniper to take out Rachel.

Sure enough, Helena sits in an abandoned building giving the Rachel Barbie doll a haircut while watching the most uncomfortable seduction below her. Fun fact: if you’ve ever wondered what Rachel’s tastes are sexually, this is a great episode for you. In her apartment, Rachel pours some wine for her and Paul, which she doesn’t let him drink, then demands he strip down all while Helena watches from above and kisses the Barbie doll head. Rachel attempts to seduce Paul with this fingers-in-your-mouth thing that I guess must be more stimulating in practice than it is to watch. She then slaps him, and they both comment on how they’re clearly not right for each other since Rachel clearly had something with Daniel and Paul with Sarah. I promise this is all as strange as it sounds.

Helena readies her rifle, but right before anyone can get shot in the face, Bell and Sarah storm in. Helena bluntly explains, “Rachel is problem, I fix problem,” but Sarah tells her that if she kills Rachel, they’ll keep Felix in jail, and she doesn’t want her brother in jail, right? Helena thinks Sarah just wants to use her, but Sarah insists it’s not true and that she really does think of Helena as her sister. Keyword activated, and Helena puts the gun down. Arm in arm, the girls leave the generally nasty situation behind them.

As a thanks for helping her, Cosima tells Leekie that the clones will throw him a bone in return, and so later that night Sarah meets him at a bar. She shows him the picture of Swan Man and tells him her theory that Rachel’s father- a head researcher on Project Leda- is most likely alive. In return for the info, she wants Felix to go free and all charges dropped. Dr. Leekie agrees, and also tells her that he’ll guarantee Cosima can continue her treatment. This is the first time Sarah’s heard Cosima is sick, which throws her for a loop, but at least there’s some optimism now with Leekie continuing treatment. Once Sarah’s gone, Paul crashes the bar-party. Leekie tells Paul to come to him before Rachel next time, and after the whole mouth/fingers/slapping/sex thing, this probably won’t be a problem. Next week, Sarah enlists Helena’s help in finding Swan Man by going on what is sure to be an epic road trip and, best of all, Alison returns! Now, if only Blood Ties: The Musical could return with her.