Orphan Black Recap: Crazy Science, Murder Musicals, and the Return of Kira

Last week, Orphan Black's non stop crazy-awesome season two premiere revealed the revival of  somehow endearingly psychotic clone Helena, and this week a medical team wonders how the hell she survived. Knowing Helena, the real mystery would have been how the hell she could actually die.

Despite Felix's objections ("Can't believe you let a cop into Clone Club," specifically), Sarah is now working with Detective Bell to tear Kira away from what they believe are Prolethian clutches. During their frantic meeting, Sarah actually gets a phone call from her little monkey, who says she's scared and that there's a weird man there. After the credits, they immediately track the number, but Felix is concerned it's a trap. Sarah won't listen, but the least he can do is give them "new clone phones" so their numbers can't be tracked by the Dyad anymore. Here's hoping this isn't a trap! (It probably is)

For some reason, I'm still gutted over poor, innoncent Aynsely's death-by-scarf, so her funeral is actually a slightly sad occasion. However, Alison is still one of the most fun characters on TV, so her struggle to not look like she killed her best friend is the true focus here.

At the post-ceremony reception all of Alison's former friends gossip about how Alison probably shouldn't have shown  up at the funeral after sleeping with Aynsely's husband. However, one of Alison's friends/castmates comes to comfort her. The comfort is momentary, because Alison reads some of Donnie's text messages that are so suspicious sh immediately realizes he's probably her monitor. Oh Alison, it is difficult to remember a time that girl had a good day.

It's Prolethian cow insemination time! Young, handsome/creepy Mark and older, wiser leader discuss Helena's recovery, and the importance of getting her out of the hospital. Henrick tells Mark he's the only one they trust to do the mission.

Dr. Leekie sits Delphine and Cosima down to discuss the whole 'Sarah posing as Cosima and kicking Rachel's ass' thing. He's suspicious Cosima and Sarah planned the attack and this behavior could cause a sort of war between them and Rachel, but Cosima and Delphine insists it isn't true. Delphine even provides the line of the night, "I just want to make crazy science with you in our new lab." Clonesbians, you gonna need a second?

Bell and Sarah show up at the motel Kira was being held, but Kira and the mysterious man have already moved on, and there was no sign that Mrs. S. was with them.

They do find a picture Kira had drawn left in the motel room, but they're distracted when Rachel's assistant Daniel shows up at the scene. Bell goes to confront him, and Sarah sneaks off to do some investigating of her own. Unfortunately for Sarah, that means getting kidnapped by the guy who had Kira earlier. He tells her to get in the car if she wants to see Kira again, and she more or less complies.

They drive out to the middle of nowhere, and Sarah starts beating him up the second she's released from the trunk. But wait! None other than Mrs. S pulls Sarah off 'Benjamin,' and explains that he's not a Prolethian. They seem tentative to trust each other (duh), but when Sarah asks whose side she's own, Mrs. S replies, "Yours, love. It's always been yours."

The best moments in TV history continue as rehearsals go on for Alison's community murder musical.  Alison seems desperately distracted (because the musical is oddly reminsicent of the death of her best friend, or maybe because the musical looks absolutely terrible). 

After getting vaguely molested by her director, Felix swoops into save her. She pulls him away, then breaks down and spills everything to Felix; she killed Ayseley ("just like, hardly!" Felix clarifies), and she knows Donnie is her monitor, she just has to prove it. And then she drinks several tiny bottles of alcohol. Distressed Alison is the best Alison (and perhaps the only Alison).

Mrs. S finally explains that she made it look like Kira was abducted so they could escape as she takes Sarah back to their 'safe' house - the place they used to live in after leaving the UK. Sarah is re-introduced to Mrs. S's confidantes Brenda and Barry, a friends from her and her son, but most importantly she's reunited with Kira, who tells her mom she's alright. Yay! Eveyrone's so happy! Surely nothing bad will happen from here on out.

Bell sits down with Angie, and they talk about how Daniel is trying to get Bell suspended. Angie's got bigger news - there's a fifth clone who's alive in the hospital (Helena!). Bell wants her to leave the situation alone, but Angie's curious and takes a visit. But, ah, there's no Helena to visit because Mark has succeeded at his mission.

Gracie, a new young, and kinda freaked out  Prolethian, is tasked with helping taking care of Helena. She walks in on Tomas flagelating himself then explaining that Helena has no soul, and that's why she survived. However, Henrick explains that Helena is a genetic anomaly with an occurance that sometimes happens in identical twins. He explains that sometimes one is right handed and one is left handed, or, in Sarah and Helena's case, one has her heart on the ride side and the other on the left. Tomas declares Helena 'the war for the future of creation.' I still just declare her 'Seestra.'

Alison continues her quest to prove Donnie's her monitor by openly discussing on a phone call with Felix a meeting she must have with Sarah. Donnie, who was directed to call Leekie if Alison had contact with someone named Sarah, follows her to Aynseley's grave in world's least discreet fashion ever. However, Alison is actually meeting with her friend/co-star Sarah, and it's Sarah who recognizes Donnie.

Donnie, who's an idiot, clearly doesn't really understand what's going on with the clone thing here but before Leekie can explain Alison catches him. Donnie tries to cover by saying he was worried Alison would deal badly with pent up grief. Busted, bro.

Sarah and Mrs. S finally talk about the whole Kira conspiracy. Mrs. S plans to take Kira to London and leave Sarah and Felix in Canada. Mrs. S believes she is the best caretaker for Kira, and Sarah uses the opporunity to accuse her of being a part of Project LEDA. Mrs. S swears she has no idea what it is. Mrs. S, Sarah, and the rest of the safe house crew then sit down for dinner to reminisce about the good ol' days as strikers.

Dr. Leekie shows Cosima her new lab ("Clone Jail," as Cosima calls it), but it's not exactly the most awesome lab ever. Leekie insists she'll have more opportunities here than anything else, but it's Delphine's personal recommendation that really seems to cement Cosima's decision. They start planning to remodel the lab, but their alone time is interrupted by Rachel, who icily introduces herself to Cosima. Rachel's immediatly observation is amusement at Cosima sexuality, to which Cosima responds, "My sexuality isn't the most interesting thing about me."

Moving on, Rachel shows Cosima some of her blood work and explains a few of her various levels are high. She reminds her of Katja Obinger, and suggests Cosima gets an MRI. She won't let Cosima examine the original clone DNA, explaining their issues stem from the cloning and not the original. She also wants Cosima to study Sarah's genetics and tell Rachel why Sarah's different, aka fertile.

Back at dinner, Sarah begins to realize everything may not be sunshine and roses here, and pulls Kira aside. Kira tells Sarah that Mrs. S had already seen the Project LEDA photo before when she was snooping in Amelia's stuff. Kira's pretty sure that there's something up with Mrs. S too, so she and Sarah decide to run away together. Mrs. S isn't too thrilled with how things are going herself after her 'friends' won't let her talk to the driver that supposed to take them to London. Just then, they hear Sarah trying to start the car and Brenda pulls a gun on Mrs. S as Barry runs outside. Mrs. S is able to disarm Brenda (and then literally disarm her attach her hands to the table with kitchen utensils) then, just as Barry starts to attack Kira and Sarah, runs outside and shoots him. Despite her help, Sarah and Kira still drive away without her. Mrs. S then confronts the backstabbing Brenda, who explains that she has become a Prolethian. When Brenda asks who the 'cursed children' are, Mrs. S responds, "Project LEDA," then shoots her friends. Secrets all around!

Alison desperately calls Felix to help her with this whole Donnie-Monitor situation, but Felix can't - he's escaping with Sarah and Kira. Thus, the Manning family road trip begins.

Capping off the evening, Henrick shows Tomas around the Prolethian farm. He explains that since she's the twin of Sarah, maybe she can have children as well, but Tomas believes she's a monster and therefore unable to conceive. And what happens to people who believe Helena's a monster who can't conceive?

They get super-murdered by Mark the Prolethian. "It's a brand new day," Henrick declares as they stand over Tomas' body. Now can we have another a brand new episode, please?