American Horror Story: 5 Things We Learned From This Week's Special Halloween Freak Show

Happy Pre-Halloween everyone! American Horror Story: Freak Show is making sure we're super in the spirit by splitting their All Hallows Eve-themed episode into two weeks, and even though the entire show is one long horror story, they're working to keep things extra creepy. And of course, educational! So what did we learn this week from AHS: Freak Show? Read on to get the scoop, and perhaps pick up some survival skills on the way...

5) Twisty the Clown can travel at the speed of light (or just runs around really awkwardly): As so many Halloween episodes do, this week's installment starts with the typical trick-or-treat scene where everything seems innocent as kids stalk the streets for candy. Of course, we know they're all doomed, and nothing proves this more than the little girl whose fear of clowns prevents her mom from looking into the "There's one specifically horrifying clown" complaint she puts forth when she catches Twisty lurking behind the bushes. And then lurking moments later across the street. Now, this is a rather large, hulking clown who can somehow make grand strides in moments. Also, he's horrifying. Even on Halloween, a grown man sprinting around (or teleporting maybe, that second season randomly had aliens) with the world's creepiest clown costume is still a red flag. Well, turns out the little girl is right about Twisty being a general concern, and later on he breaks into their home and kidnaps her older brother. So if you see a massive, eerie clown running around your neighborhood, say something. Even if it's Halloween. 

Jessica Lange ruined everything to sing a Lana Del Rey song: So Jessica Lange's character Elsa has this complex where she always needs to feel like she's amazing at singing era-inappropriate pop hits, and this week's victim is Lana Del Rey's "Gods and Monsters." The basic point of this episode was that if freaks performed on Halloween, legend has it their troupe will get haunted by a two-faced fellow Edward Mordrake, who long ago killed himself and his own troupe in a fit of madness. Elsa crosses her fingers, hopes this doesn't apply to rehearsals, and settles down for her rousing rendition. Unluckily, Edward appears with his crew of ghost people and now must take a soul with him. He sits down for a "should I kill you?" interview first with Kathy Bates' character who we've discovered is dying of cirrhosis anyway, but after learning her backstory (which is essentially that she used to be with the Strongman, and after the two went broke people paid to watch "the freak" give birth and hold her freakish baby Jimmy) he decides to let her live. This means the next episode will mostly involve Edward floating around the freak show deciding who to take with him to the afterlife, so don't get to attached to anyone. But you already knew that.

Dot isn't exactly an awesome sister: We didn't get to see much of Bette and Dot this week, but we did see a nightmare where Bette and Dot are in a very iffy surgery together, about to be separated by a doctor with a whirring blade. Bette weeps fearfully while Dot stays calm and collected hoping the surgery will lead to a better life. Upon waking up, we learn that the two were actually in the same nightmare, only for Dot it was a dream, and on top of that it's something she's tried to achieve in real life. One day Dot still believes she'll find the surgeon that can separate them and even if it gets one of them killed, at least the other can live a normal life. Bette isn't quite on board with this plan, but they share the same body so it's a little harder to argue these tough issues. 

Lying in job interviews can be effective: Emma Roberts and Denis O'Hare joined the cast this week as a couple of con people using the freaks to their advantage. Denis' character's ruse immediately falls through in the beginning of the episode when his attempt to sell a "baby Sasquatch" to a museum is busted, but Emma's character has much better luck when she pretends to be a fortune teller who insists that Elsa will achieve the level of fame she so desperately dreams of. She's clearly done her research and of course Elsa is won over (whatever it takes to get her to take on Ariana Grande this season, I tell ya), so Emma is welcome aboard the freak show, and their scheme to steal/sell an authentic piece of a freak is now set in motion. Oh, and Denis O'Hare's character is gay and there's apparently something shocking under his pants. "Well endowed" seems to obvious, so let's just throw some guesses out now! Snake? Baby Sasquatch? The options are endless! 

Finn Wittrock's performance continues to be a work of art: As the horrid, tantrum-infected, psychopath Dandy who dreams of being a clown and seems to be on the verge of murdering everyone (despite being able to do so yet), Finn Wittrock is Finn Witt-rocking this freak show every week. His red-faced rage and ability to somehow tearfully shout most - if not all - of his lines is truly impressive, and I'd be happy to watch a show that's just him, Frances Conroy, and their amazing maid Nora (played by Patti Labelle) who has absolutely no time for his shenanigans. Until then, we can watch this promo that involves him shouting red-faced at the heavens in true Dandy form.