10 people into BDSM explain why they like it, in their own words

User @Heathen33 said, "I enjoy it because even as a submissive it gives me a sense of control and since my relationship is a long term one it gives me reasons to trust because I have a lot of trust issues from past relationships and had no control in them even over what happened to myself.

User @Onctech said, "To be completely honest, no study or psychologist has ever come up with a strong, definitive explanation. To me, that means that there are likely multiple, completely unrelated causes or attributes that simply lead to a common preference.

I'll offer one study that I believe illustrates this well: Murray A. Straus, a famous sociologist who specialized in the study of child abuse, conducted a study where respondents to a survey gave information about having been punished as children with "non-abusive" spanking (i.e. legal in the US), and their adult enjoyment of BDSM. He found a very high correlation between spanking children and them growing up to like BDSM, so there appears to be some causal link. However, a not-insignificant chunk of his sample endorsed liking BDSM, but had zero history of spanking, which means that it cannot possibly be a complete explanation."

User @Illustrious_Bend3111 said, "I enjoy bdsm and I have no clue why to be honest. It just feels right I guess I’m really into submission and bondage parts and it might be just because of childhood stuff or something."

User @Optimal_Agent_8372 said, "This is simple. Because people love play on power in all aspects of life."

User @Albimau said, "I try very hard to have a lot of control in my life and there is something about being submissive in the bedroom that is foreign and exciting, in a way. I wouldn't live the lifestyle that goes with it, but just the intimate part of it can really be fun."

User @GoodSon123 said, "It's like video games but in real life."

User @SpankSpankBaby69 said, "It’s a release. I’ve been in the BDSM scene for a little under 6 months now and I’ve never felt more balanced and free. The people are totally chill too. We meet for coffee, dinner, and other numerous activities (it’s not always about sex you know). We’re a group of freaky people who promote safety and self awareness first."

User @FreySF said, "For many reasons. It allows feeling very vulnerable and open to a partner, and that being ok. It can have a wide range of different experiences. It can be silly, intense, unique, sensual.

Also, I just like the sensations.

On another note, there's a great bdsm community out there. Meetups happen in every major metro area and many small ones too. Everything from workshops, casual get togethers at restaurants, weekend conferences, to play parties. I've made a ton of great friends through the community. And there is a real focus on consent within the community.

I also enjoy organizing events and helping people find like minded folk and let go of shame or isolation when they realize they don't always have to hide how they feel and what they like. That they can make friends and find romantic partners with the same desires.

I've also seen the community do a lot of good raising money for charity.

If you'd like some books to read, here's my groups book list: https://soj.org/resources/suggested-reading/"

User @DuraluminGG said, "I have been into BDSM for about 15 years. I'm a switch, and a BDSM nerd.

The immediate answer would be : people who are vanilla only, why?

A more elaborate answer is that BDSM is an old word that became an umbrella term for describing a pletora of things. I think that almost everyone has some kink or fetish, most people are just inhibited to express, or try.

It's not just spanking or whips.

If I remember correctly, research says that at least 1 person every 6 has unexpressed sexual fantasy about S/M (sadomasochism) or D/s (Domination/submission).

The BDSM community (especially the new generation) is very open about getting to know yourself, talking about sexuality, fetish acceptance, safety, consent, psychology of sex ecc.

Mostly, it's like, the moment you start thinking, talking, studying about sex, you discover that saying you are not interested in BDSM is about like saying that you're not interested in pizza.

Pizza is so varied that chances are that there is some kind of pizza out there thay you will like"

User @Neither994 said, "I did a test not so long ago just for fun and it helped me understand a lot of the whole thing & mostly myself. It goes beyond ropes and gags. While I do not get off from leather, wax or petplay (to mention some) I really enjoy the physical struggle and the fight for power between the participants. The test put me as someone with "Brat" tendencies, I like defying authority of someone who claims to be in control over me. I like getting rough, submitted and ofc getting aftercare later. I like bruises, marks the feeling of muscular ache. For me is not a lifestyle. I'm not becoming anyone's slave, or maid nor I am being submissive or bratty the whole time. Is just a mood when getting it on. If me and my partner are vibing, why not do it"