Queer ladies looking for love have noticed a trend emerging on dating apps — a request to start out as friends first. But what exactly does that mean?
The topic recently popped up in a lesbian subreddit after one user sought clarification.
"The way I communicate with a friend is entirely different from how I would communicate with someone I'm interested in romantically," u/MarrsMoon-Mara wrote. "Why join a dating app if there's no initial intent to explore a romantic connection?"
She wasn't alone in her frustration and confusion. Other people expressed a similar sentiment—that they act differently when they're interested in someone romantically—and that they don't want to come across as pushing boundaries or feel like they're being strung along for months by someone who doesn't even want to attempt to pursue a relationship but maybe isn't being honest about that.
But other redditors were happy to chime in with their own interpretations of why someone might request starting off as friends first in their dating app bio. The most prevailing theory was that it's coming from people who don't want to hook up or U-Haul on the first date, and instead prefer to take their time determining whether there's a real connection upon which to build a relationship.
They need to take it slow to form a connection.
They want to make sure there are shared interests, first.
Because slow down stranger!
Because it reduces some of the pressure of a first meeting.
Because they want to know you as a person, not a conquest.
Because they really aren't looking for more right now.
Although this approach might be valid for some people, it still didn't end with everyone on board. After all, dating apps are most often intended for, well, dating. And if you want to become friends with someone first and see if romance evolves more naturally, there are probably better places to meet women.
Fortunately for everyone, if you don't like somebody's approach to dating on an app, you can always just swipe left — or go out into the real world and meet people the old fashioned way.