16 Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask a Trans Man, Answered by a Trans Man

Photo: Tyler Pruitt

This isn't always the case, but it seems like a lot of the questions people have about trans people usually revolve around sex. Being a trans man myself, I think it's time that I answered some of the questions I get asked publically...

Does testosterone allow you to impregnate a person with a uterus?

No, testosterone does not give trans men the ability to impregnate anybody. Hormone replacement therapy changes things a person already has, it doesn’t create new things.

Do hormones make you gay?

Some trans men experience a change in their sexuality after they start taking hormones. Mine did. I feel like the change was a combination of social influences and biological ones. I finally felt like I was being seen as a man by other men and I could have sex with them accordingly, rather than the experience I had in the past. Most gay men were not interested in me pre-T, and other men would view me as a woman, and I hated that. Additionally, testosterone did increase my sex drive and allow me to have the capacity to cruise more freely.

What do you call your junk?

I definitely DO NOT call it a vagina. I refer to it as "the downstairs" or my dick. Sometimes I’ll say cock. Many trans guys have different language they use when referring to their private parts. If you're not sure how to refer to an intimate partner's body parts, just ask. 

How do you have sex?

All sorts of ways. I’m a switch who kind of leans towards being a top. I use what God and testosterone gave me to penetrate sometimes. I also enjoy being penetrated with my original plumbing. I strap on, too.

Do you like sex?

Yes. Very, very much. I like sex even more now post-transition. Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at it too. Confidence makes sex even more fun!

Why did you transition if you date men? Why not just stay a woman?

I predominantly date women. I am bisexual. Some trans men identify as gay. Those men transitioned because they are gay men. Not straight women. Gender has nothing to do with sex organs, and sexual orientation also has nothing to do with sex organs. As the saying goes, sexual orientation is who you go to bed with, gender identity is who you go to bed as.

You're bi and trans? You must just be a kink. Will you have sex with anybody?

Trans folks are often viewed as kinks or fetishes. One type of person who I definitely will NOT have sex with is someone who fetishizes me. Aside from that, I’ll sleep with anyone who identifies as a feminist, who I like, smells good, is kind, charitable, and loves animals.

When did you know?

I came out for the first time when I was 5 years old. I was walking to baseball practice and told my dad I was actually a boy.

Did your family and friends accept your transition?

Yes and no. I ran away when I was 16. The family I’ve reconnected with has been supportive. For the most part, my friends all stayed, but some didn’t.

Do you feel like a real man?

Yes. As real as any man feels.

Do you have penis envy?

Embarrassingly, yes. I’m mostly jealous of how many cis men take their penis for granted, and how many of them are “bad in bed” (according to people I’ve dated). I feel like if I had one, I’d know how to use it.

Why are you so soft? Men aren’t soft.

Men are whatever they want to be. Labeling what a man or woman can or cannot be is some patriarchal nonsense.

Do you miss being a girl?

I was never a girl. I was assigned female at birth and did not enjoy my time living in a feminine-presenting body.

Do you think that women are less than you? Is that why you transitioned?

I love women so much. The women I’ve had in my life as friends over the years have taught me basically everything I know about resiliency, beauty, strength, love, and forgiveness. I transitioned because I am a man.

Are you actually a lesbian and has heteronormativity made you think that you need to be a man?

No, I don’t identify as gay or straight. I do think my dating pool was larger when I identified as a lesbian, but I was never actually lesbian though (because, you know, I'm a man). I transitioned because my dysphoria wouldn’t allow me to live as anything other than a male presenting person any longer.

Do you know how privileged you are as a trans man?

I do. I understand how much privilege I have gained in transitioning to male, especially as a white man. I do my best to advocate for other parts of my community and oppressed communities. With that being said, I do not feel guilty for living as my authentic self.