The Bathroom Battleground: Saluting Lila Perry's Bravery

Part of me feels lucky that I didn’t transition in high school. I know it sounds weird. Often, trans folk wish they understood their identity earlier and were able to bypass that dreaded first puberty — and I do wish for those things, too — but I don’t wish for the environment that I would have had to deal with.

When I came out at 21, I attended a traditional Southern university, and I remember the pit in my stomach the first time I used the women’s restroom. It was the second semester of my senior year and it took every ounce of courage to walk in there and “play it cool.”

I imagined the worst. I girl would look up in horror and yell, “There’s a man in here.” I had read and heard a few horror stories. What were my other options?

There was no way I could use the men’s restroom. I would’ve definitely stuck out more in my orange-striped, tan dress (Yes, it was hideous) and my slightly caked on makeup that contrasted the “bare faced” girls I had classes with. I would have certainly been at risk. No, I was a woman and I deserved to be able to use the women’s restroom uncumbered.

I was nervous, but once I got in there I realized it was no big deal. Both for me and the girls around me. No one batted an eye. In fact, there was very little contact, period. The few girls who rushed past me were more interested in getting to their classes on time than my presence. I walked into my stall, flushed, washed my hands, primped in the mirror and that was it. I survived, but it wasn’t easy.

As an adult it was nerve-wrecking, so I couldn’t imagine what it would be like as a teenager. That’s why my heart goes out to 17-year-old Lila Perry. Her bravery speaks to me on a deep level, because I remember being that kid who was bullied in high school for seeming gay. But for her to take on her school, the officials, the community, other students’ parents and, in essence, an entire society — is brave.

I think the trans community often forgets the struggles of our youth. For many, including myself, coming out at a young age was impossible and continues to be unfathomable. And, when we see the support that some trans teens receive, there’s this idea that they're the lucky ones. That their journey will automatically be easier, but clearly that’s not the case.

In all honesty, I doubt I would be able to take on Perry's challenges. I probably would’ve waded into the unisex faculty lounge restroom that she was allowed access to with my tail between my legs. But I’m glad she didn’t. She and her cohorts represent the future, unencumbered by “the way things have always been.” She has learned at a young age that fighting for her dignity means something, regardless of the outcome.

Her story illuminated the need for protections for trans and gender nonconforming teens. The sheer fact that she was asked to seek refuge in her counselor’s office speaks to the dire situation that our trans youth are in. One of the worst things to feel as a teen is that you’re your only advocate, that you’re the only one who sees you, that people have a problem with your fundamental identity. I salute this young pioneer and hope she gains the dignity, respect and power she deserves.