20 sex tips for gay men who think they know it all

If you think you're an expert, think again. There's always more to learn!

There are plenty of basic sex tips out there for tops and bottoms who want to strengthen their game in bed, but what about for the self-titled "experts"? If you’re having plenty of sex, you probably already know to use a lot of lube. (Or conversely, your anus is so warmed up, you don’t even need any.) You also know more than three types of sexual positions. Who couldn't use a few new gay sex ideas? So these are some tips for tops/bottoms/versatile men who don’t need a 101 crash course, but a 401 masters level seminar.

Here are 20 sex tips for gay guys who think they know everything about sex!

1. Don't jump straight for the goods

Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Monica shares all of the erogenous zones with Chandler? Whether you do or don't, the point remains the same: Spend some time hitting all of the hot spots instead of just heading right to the penetration.

2. Remember porn is not real

Yes, porn is fun to watch and yes, we can learn a lot from it. However, remember that it's filmed as a fantasy, and the people onscreen are just actors (for the most part, anyway.) Don't try to recreate experiences if it's not viable for the situation.

3. Stay open to learn

Each partner and each sexual experience has an opportunity to teach you something new about either yourself or your partner. Even if you have sex all of the time, always keep your mind open to learning something new or trying a new position with your partner.

4. Communication is key

Be vocal. Say what you like and what you don't. Set up your boundaries. Whether in a hook-up or a relationship, it's always important to stay communicative with your partner, even if you think you don't need to.

5. Play around with positions

This one should be obvious, but you may be surprised at how many people just stick to one position -- and as the expert, you're supposed to know more than three. Even if you do only stick to one position, the slightest repositioning can open up an entirely new sensation, so feel free to explore!

6. Squeeze your hole while he’s inside you

As bottoms, you obviously need to loosen your hole wide enough for him to insert himself inside of you. But once you're warmed up, periodically squeeze your hole as he's penetrating you. The pressure not only feels really good for him, but for you too. 

7. Rule of thumb: hands should always be busy

If your hands aren't doing something then you're dong something wrong. They can be holding on the bedpost for dear life. They can be touching your partner's chest, jerking them off, holding their hand. Your hands should never be laying by your side doing nothing.

8. Use your lips

Just like your hands, your lips should be frequently doing…something. Whether they’re talking that dirty talk or kissing around various parts of the body, make sure you use them any time the idea crosses your mind.

9. Switch condoms between partners

So hopefully you're doing this already, but if you're topping a number of guys (first of all, good for you), you should be switching condoms between partners, no matter how squeaky clean their anuses are. You don't want to transfer any bacteria or anything else between partners...

10. Play with toys

Like the vibrating cock rings, it’s always fun to bring some toys into the bedroom to see what kind of fun ensues. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me. Play around!

11. Kegel squeeze while inside of him

So if you're a pro, you already know what Kegel exercises are and how they strengthen your PC muscle. If you're topping, do a Kegel squeeze inside of him. It moves your penis up and down, hitting different places, which feels really good for the man bottoming. 

12. Use vibrating cock rings

There's really nothing much more to add than this. I've never met anyone who doesn't like it. It feels good for the top, helping him to achieve a more full-body orgasm, and it feels really good for the bottom, because you're vibrating his booty. It's just a win-win, and I'm surprised why more guys aren't using them all the damn time. 

13. Spread those cheeks wide before devouring his hole

WIDE. None of this baby spread nonsense. You want to get up IN there. Pull his cheeks apart as far as they go before feasting on that cake. 

14. Change up locations

Are you a pro or are you a pro? Pros don't have sex in the bedroom every single time. They take their lovemaking sessions to the living room, laundry room, outdoors, and even sex clubs.

15. Breathe

Such a simple thing to do, and it's advice that every sex expert gives, yet I find myself (and so many others) getting so excited that they forget to breathe during sex. Breath control helps you manage your orgasms (and can delay them). So it's particularly good to pay notice to breath if you have a tendency to get a little too excited and ejaculate prematurely.  

16. Give subtle feedback

If you're a pro, you should known to give direct, explicit feedback too. "That feels good. Do more of that!" But there's also the more subtle feedback, which some guys prefer to receive. Moan loudly if he does something you like while blowing you. Arch your hips so he hits the spot you want him to hit. Guide his hands where you want them to go. These are ways to communicate what you want sexually without being blunt.

17. Mimic his style

In general, people kiss the way they like being kissed. If they use a lot of tongue, they want tongue in return. If they're deepthroating your dick, that's probably how they like receiving oral. Sometimes this isn't the case, as subs prefer doms, not other subs, but if you're not engaging in a play that is supposed to have a power discrepancy, this is a good general rule to live by.

18. Double your foreplay time and tease

Maybe you're already good about this, but I'm just going to go off on a limb and assume you're not. I, too, have a tendency of wanting to get down to business ASAP, but when I have more foreplay, more kissing, and more teasing prior to getting down to business, the sex is so much better. 

19. Find the perfect dirty-talk balance

This is really difficult and requires you to read your partner. Some guys love dirty talk, the dirtier the better. Some guys hate it. Some guys, like myself, find it performative unless done with more intention than "this is sexy because it's dirty." In other words, don't just say it for the sake of saying it. Get into it and and mean it. 

20. Step up your music game

Sex to music is infinitely better than sex without. It also sets the mood. If you're going for rough, better get some music that screams "pump me daddy." If you're going for love making, play some R&B. If you're going for naughty, find some music you consider naughty. (You get the gist!)