8 Reasons to Stop Worrying About Orgasms Every Time

We really are a fan –– the fireworks, bells, and buzzers going off! But not everyone is climaxing left, right, and center. Some of us find it harder than others. In this society, we're bombarded with images of "perfect" sex. We're encouraged to pursue the fantasy - taut bodies moving in harmony, working towards a simultaneous and ecstatic climax which leaves us screaming and shimmering with clean sweat. If there's no orgasm, the movies and magazines seem to say it's not really sex. Or at least, not very good sex. It can be so disappointing if you or your partner doesn't "get there". But does it have to be that way? Here are some reasons why sex can be great without obsessing over those muscle contractions.

1. Intimacy

Feeling your partner's flesh against yours, exploring each other's bodies and enjoying that closeness is one of the best things in the world. Massage one another, really take it all in. Don't let your desperation for an orgasm force you into a frenzied focus on the genital area.

2. Pressure

You won't reach orgasm if you panic about it, so why worry? Let yourself forget about orgasming and either a) you will orgasm or b) you will enjoy yourself anyway. The endless "I must come, I must come, I can't come, I can't come, I can't come, I must come, I must come, I must come" carousel is helping nobody.

3. Desire

Part of the joy of sex is knowing the other person wants you. Delight in that! This gorgeous person is getting turned on by YOU, needs YOU. How cool is that? Do a little sexy dance around the room and wiggle that ass. Go on! You're HOT STUFF.

4. Faking sucks

Just do NOT do this. It won't make you happy and if your partner figures it out, it won't make them happy either. A smart lover can often work out if an orgasm has really taken place or not - and not just because of your over-the-top When Harry Met Sally gasps. And if she can't tell and you have her fooled? Who cares? Good sex and good relationships need honesty.

5. Braingasms

Talking dirty, baby! There's nothing quite like a fevered whisper telling you what your partner wants and wants NOW. Get creative. Ask her to undress slowly and tell her exactly what to take off and how to take it off. Text her at work to tell her what you're going to do to her. Or, you know, just show off your knowledge of Xena season 5. Whatever form of verbiage floats her boat...

6. Enjoy your partner's O

Your partner can orgasm and you can't? Or vice versa? Try not to feel jealous or guilty. There's no shame in enjoying your own orgasm if your partner can't. Equally, your partner climaxing if you can't doesn't have to be an alienating experience or mean you should feel that somehow they've had a better experience than you have (did we mention you don't have to have an orgasm to enjoy sex?). The other person's pleasure is half the fun, anyway, regardless.

7. Play!

There are a plethora of other things you can do outside of "vanilla" sex. It doesn't have to be whips, handcuffs, and blindfolds (although I highly recommend all of those). Props like feathers and ice can add a real sensory thrill, as can getting it on in the shower or bath.

8. Sex isn't everything, anyway

Some of the happiest times I've had with my partner have involved watching My Little Pony, writing on each other with Sharpies, and eating pizza. Just sayin'.