Your Typical Night on Grindr, As Told by 'Drag Race' Queens

We’ve literally been twiddling our thumbs since October of last year, waiting for the queens to return. At long last, the time is finally upon us. Tonight on VH1, at 8pm, RuPaul, Lady Gaga, and 13 fabulous new queens will be returning to television (or making their TV debut) to blow our damn minds.

All we can say, is YASSS KWEEEEN!! 

In honor of the queens’ (and the Emmy-winner’s) glorious return, I’ve assembled an unlikely homage to some our favorite past Drag Race contestants.

So here it is: your typical night on Grindr as told by your favorite past queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

1. When you're scoping out a guy for the night, but you get distracted by the racist, sizist, femmephobic, or all around awful dude sending you unsolicted messages

2. When you're assessing his strengths in the oral department 

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3. When you're making sure he's not a bottom who sometimes tops, but is actually a real, heavy-duty top 

4. When prior to to inviting him over, you make it clear that you are not messing around

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5. When you've finally decided on the guy and you want him to come over

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6. And you quickly clean down there to avoid any unpleasantries

7. When he drops his pants and it's bigger than you expected, but you're stoked

8. But after a while, you acknowledge he's too big and you can't take it anymore

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9. When you've both finished, and you want him to get out of your apartment

10. But for some reason he's taking his sweet time and you finally have to be a little forceful with him

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Oh, the joys of Grindr!