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Michelle Visage spills the tea on her open marriage and how compersion is the key to its longevity
The RuPaul's Drag Race judge — and newly appointed Drag Race Down Under host— spoke candidly about her marriage of 27 years.
Michelle Visage opened up about her open relationship, and we are taking notes!
The 55-year-old ballroom legend andRuPaul's Drag Race judge (and now host of Drag Race Down Under) spoke candidly with British writer and actress Cush Jumbo on her podcast Origins with Cush Jumbo about her love life, and what it means for her and her husband to be in an open relationship.
Visage and her husband David Case, an author better known by his pseudonym Jax Spenser, and Visage have two children together and have been married since 1997. While there are many jokes made between Visage and the other Drag Race judges about her presumed promiscuity, Visage must be doing something right to be in a such a happy marriage for 27 years. So what's their secret?
Well, it certainly doesn't hurt that they're both breathtakingly gorgeous. “He works Drag Cons with me," said Visage, "and he comes to all these things with me, and listen- my husband’s quite good looking. So the gay men have let it be known that he’s quite good looking."
Case also has a knack for celebrating Visage. She continued, saying about Case's feelings towards her many accomplishments, "So he beams with pride. He’s got that thing down. I think you call it compersion."
Compersion, while sometimes described as the opposite of jealousy, is I think better explained as the opposite of schadenfreude. Instead of feeling happiness at other's pain or misfortune, you feel happiness at the joy others are experiencing- a sympathetic joy. Many in open relationships, even those who have been nonmonogamous a long time, still work through their own jealousy and envy and are still capable of feeling compersion at the same time.
While not a requirement for an open relationship by any means, compersion makes things a lot easier. Visage herself even said it's not something she experiences to the extent that Case does, but they make it work through love, honesty, and communication.
“We live openly, so he would get off knowing that I was so happy, and no matter what it is that I do — and I’m not just talking sexually, whatever it is," Visage said. "I don’t know if I have compersion in me — to be really excited if he’s doing something with another woman — but I know that it exists, and he is 100% that.”
Cush responded, poignantly adding, "It’s like giving you the opportunity to have the space to feel like you never have to hide any piece of yourself.”
Visage agreed, "And I don’t and neither does he."
Visage's full episode of Origins can be listened to wherever you get your podcasts.
Rowan Ashley Smith has often been described as "a multi-hyphenate about town." He loves work that connects him to his cultures as a gay, Jewish, multiracial trans man. Before breaking into journalism, the best days of his professional life were spent as a summer camp professional, a librarian, and an HIV prevention specialist. His work has been featured in GO Magazine, pride.com, and The Advocate. In what is left of his free time, Rowan enjoys performing stand up comedy, doing the NYT crossword, and spending time with his two partners, two children, and four cats.
Rowan Ashley Smith has often been described as "a multi-hyphenate about town." He loves work that connects him to his cultures as a gay, Jewish, multiracial trans man. Before breaking into journalism, the best days of his professional life were spent as a summer camp professional, a librarian, and an HIV prevention specialist. His work has been featured in GO Magazine, pride.com, and The Advocate. In what is left of his free time, Rowan enjoys performing stand up comedy, doing the NYT crossword, and spending time with his two partners, two children, and four cats.
