15 Ways to Get Him Out of Your Head
| 09/25/23
ZacharyZane_
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You may have an ex, a crush, or simply a close friend that you know can never be more than friends with. Whomever the elusive “he” is, you can’t stop thinking about him. You keep checking your phone to see if he’s texted. You imagine your wedding day, and even daydream about the little babies you plan to adopt together.
You need to stop. That's enough. This isn’t healthy for you. You know that, but you don't know what to do about it.
Fortunately, we have 15 tips to wash that man right out of your hair!
Let’s start with the most obvious, practical solution there is: stop texting him. When you text him, you then wait obsessively for him to respond. This extra rumination can drive you insane and actually makes you like him more (because now you have a valid-ish reason to think about him. “When is he gonna text me back?”)
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It’s okay if this process isn’t immediate. So, while you’re not being too hard on yourself for missing him, remember that it’s okay to let yourself have some emotions every so often, too. Grab yourself a container of Ben & Jerry’s, put on your favorite animated movie, and let it all out, baby.
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Don’t check his Facebook status updates. Don’t check his Instagram to see if he’s posted himself with a new boo. While you’re at it, stop checking who’s viewed your stories in hopes that one of the names will be his. Just let him go.
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Distraction could be the biggest key, here. Maybe there’s hobby or a pastime that you sort of let slide while you were talking to this guy. That’s okay! Just give yourself permission to go back to it and let your mind wander.
This x 100! Don’t attempt to figure out what he’s thinking. Or if he likes you too. Or why he said that (or didn’t say that). People often lie about things in an attempt to not hurt your feelings. Don’t obsesses over what he may or may not be thinking.
On a similar note, remember that what you think you know isn’t necessarily the truth. Quite often, we hear what we want to hear, not what’s actually said. We have a selective memory of how things occur. Accept that you might not know exactly what’s going on in the situation and move on from there.
Every romantic and sexual experience is a learning opportunity. Try to learn what you can from him so it doesn’t feel like a “waste” of a relationship, friendship, or crush. What is it about him that you like? What did you do wrong in the relationship (if you did anything wrong at all)?
While you are attempting to learn from what you did or didn’t do, don’t obsesses over the past. You learn and then move on. Think to the future. You don’t want to dwell on the past anymore than necessary.
You know yourself better than anyone. For some people, it’s really helpful to have sexual encounters with other people to help you get over someone. For others, it makes them miss their ex, crush, or whoever even more. But I would say don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
It’s good that you’ve been venting to your friends, but at the same time, take the focus away from you. Talk to your buds about their issues. Be a good friend to them.
Go out with your girls! See a movie. Go to a drag show. Explore the city. Dance the night away. Remember that there’s more to life than boys. Not to sound cliche, but you don’t need a man to satisfy you or make you happy. And if you think all of your problems will disappear the moment you find Mr. Right, you’re in for a rude awakening.
Seriously though, bone another dude. Maybe the first guy was a bad lay. So like, give it ONE more try just in case.
Are you going through your phone looking at pics of the two of you together? Are you re-rereading text convos? Delete the pics. Delete the convo. Having reminders of him around the house or on your phone are not helping you get over him.
Did you two have a “spot” together? A bar or restaurant you frequented? At least for the time being, you need to stop going to that spot. You’re only going to think of him there. When you actually are over him, then (and only then) can you return and reclaim that spot as your own.
This is huge. Don’t hate yourself for thinking about him, thinking, “Why am I obsessing? He wasn’t even that cool!” The heart wants what the heart wants. There's no reason to feel guilty for liking someone. Just do your best to utilize these tips and move on.
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.
Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.