5 Things You Should NEVER Say to Lesbian Couples

5 Things You Should NEVER Say to Lesbian Couples

As a girl who dates girls, I’ve run into a number of weird, confusing, and straight up bizarre interactions with people. Some of these are accidental, some are downright funny, and some are pretty messed up.

Because I know you’d never mean to step on the toes of a queer couple, here’s a list of what not to say to girls who date each other.

Photo: Seth Doyle

1. "You two look like sisters."

We aren’t.

When you ask if two girls are sisters, not only are you placing your understanding of their gender identity upon them (what if one or both of us didn’t identify as women?), you’re also reinforcing the idea that relationships are made up of one man and one woman. Think about it. If you’re under the impression that the only way that two girls being as close as a couple is for them to be sisters, you’re giving into heteronormativity.

Photo: Sharon McCutcheon

2. "Are you sure you’re not sisters?"

Trust us. We’re sure.

When you keep pushing, all you’re doing is being an asshole. This is when I start to wonder if you’re just homophobic, because it seems like you’re so disturbed with the idea of two women dating that you’ve decided to give us an “out” to pretend to be straight sisters to avoid your own homophobia. Not happening.

Photo: Abo Ngalonkulu

3. "It’s so hot that you’re together."

This may come as a surprise, but girls don’t date each other to impress gross dudes (and other folks). We do it because we like each other. Telling us that you think we’re hot translates into you telling us you’d like to have sex with us, as if our relationship must pique your interest to be valid. Long story short? Not cool.

Photo: Brooke Cagle

4. "You guys are my favorite lesbian couple!"

This one is meant to come across as sweet, and it has good intentions (who doesn’t want to be #relationshipgoals?), but the problem, though, is that you aren’t really saying we’re a rad couple. You’re basically saying we’re the only queer girls you know. We want to be a power couple in our own right. Just say we’re your faves, and let us revel in our perfection.

Photo: Julia Caesar

5. "You must be the X, and you must be the Y, right?"

Fill in the blank: butch, stud, femme, etc., etc. No matter what you come up with, there’s a problem when the identity of a couple becomes a guessing game.

Too, the idea that there has to be a difference in identity between a pairing is based on the idea that there should be an XX and an XY, and that just isn’t how it always goes down. Two femmes can date. Two bois can date. And it can work out just fine.

Photo: Ian Schneider