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The love-hate relationship every queer man has with hookup apps is way too real.
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I recently deleted Grindr, Scruff, and Hornet from my phone, but ask me in a week, and I’m sure I'll have them all back again.
Whether we love them or hate them, gay dating apps are here and expanding, so they're not going anywhere.
Sometimes they're not so bad, but most of the time, I'd rather pull out my hair. Even though you can find the rare gem here and there, here are 15 of the worst guys you encounter on the gay hookup apps.
The one who lives nowhere near you
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Neither one of you know how you found each other, and it sucks, because he's perfect. The grid hath brought you together somehow, yet distance remains a problem that keeps you apart, no matter how different you wish it could be.
The one who opens with nudes
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Yes, we're all "looking" on the app for the most part. But those who open with a pic of their dick or their hole without even so much as a hello run rampant on this app and are completely unavoidable, whether their body parts look good or not.
The endless chatter
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These guys are talkative. At first, that’s great — sometimes it’s nice not to have people immediately seeking your hole after you say hello. However, these guys just talk… and talk… and talk… and never really get anywhere. They’re mostly on for boredom, but they wind up wasting everyone’s time.
The tease
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He knows he’s hot. He knows he can get anyone, even though his attitude is whack and he’s really only pretty in his picture. Still, you fall for the trap. You let him tease you, then you gripe about it when nothing happens and it doesn’t go anywhere. Better luck next time.
The couples
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Sometimes it’s all right, but sometimes it’s a little overkill. Especially when people in the couple are on the apps more than those who are single. These especially suck if you’re hoping to find someone with a little consistency.
The "masc" hole
"NO FEMS! I want manly men! Real men only."
We get it. You clearly have some internalized homophobia. Calm down and stop projecting that negativity and insecurity onto the rest of the gay community.
The racist
"No rice. No spice. Sorry, they’re just preferences."
No, it’s not a preference. Sure, you may be more attracted to people of your own race. That’s fine. But to say, "NO" something, using a racial slur? That’s, like, pretty obviously racist AF.
The sizeist, "know your league" assh*les
You know those guys who are traditionally good looking (and by that I mean they conform to the Western standards of beauty) and act like they’re the hottest shit in the world? They demand that you must look like them in order to message them. Seriously though, who do you think you are?
The “raw only" dudes
I get it. Raw feels really good. Realllly good. But are you seriously not going to sleep with a hot guy because he wants to use a condom? Condoms are annoying, but they’re not that annoying. And they're essential when practicing safe sex.
The "just looking to chat" fellows
You are on an app that is known for quick and casual sex. So 1.) it’s a little weird that you’re only looking to chat, and 2.) don’t get snippy when someone asks you to do something more, acting appalled because you just wanted to chat. Know the reputation of the app you are using.
The repeated “hey,” then no response
You’re cute. I want to bone. I am responding to your "Hey." Why do you not respond right afterward, only to respond 72 hours later with yet another, "Hey." ????
The guy who gets weirdly obsessed immediately
We haven’t even met yet, and you're messaging me non-stop saying how beautiful I am and how badly you want me? Take a hint. If I didn’t reply after the first 8 messages, I’m not going to reply on the 9th. It’s a little creepy when you come on so strong without ever actually having met or spoken to someone!
The flake
OMG. This drives me insane. You’re ready. You’re douched. You’re excited about your romp. He says he’s on his way. Then he just never shows...
You message him, "ETA?" and get no response. What the hell happened? Who was the hotter guy you found to bone instead of me?
The ParTyer
I don’t have a hatred for those who do meth. I don’t think meth users are bad people. Even recently, I’ve seen a lack of sympathy among Facebook friends, name-calling those in the gay community who do meth. I don’t like this. I don’t think it’s right to shame members of our own community who are clearly struggling with a serious addiction.
Nevertheless, it is sad how often you receive messages from men asking, "Do you ParTy?" (For those of you who don’t know, the capital T stands for Tina, which is a nickname for crystal meth.)
The "relationship only" guy
We all want a reason to delete the app, but in the meantime, we’re just having a little fun. Don’t get surprised when guys message you for sex on Grindr, even though your profile says, "looking for a serious relationship." The app is about sex.
Use other apps if you’re looking for dates. Apps like OkCupid (and even Tinder) are better for dates. Don’t get shocked and offended by gay men using a gay sex app to find gay sex.
| 11/28/23
