15 flirting tips for socially awkward gay, bi & queer guys

Wait, do you mean I actually have to ​*talk*​ to guys...?

Hey. Into?

Ugh. The greeting we have all come to expect in the days of Grindr, and the mood we can expect any time we want to actually go out and flirt with boys. Some of us are natural flirts who can somehow land everyone in the room regardless of sexual orientation. He’s annoying and we hate him. (JK, we love him… but like… he’s literally for the worst.)

The socially awkward, however, can face a little more of a challenge and be more prone to hide behind the apps. For the queer men who don’t feel as comfortable flirting in public spaces, here are 15 tips to help you out.

1. Practice in the mirror

Practice makes perfect, right? If you're afraid of looking stupid, practice what you would say in front of a mirror. Yes, this will be awkward at first, but if you can't love yourself... Plus, this also gives you the opportunity to actually see how you might look during the conversation, so you can make little tweaks as is necessary.

2. Ask a friend for help

Another method of practice you can take on is finding a friend and asking them to help you out. If you get one who's going to actually give you constructive and helpful feedback, this could be one of your biggest assets.

3. Turn that resting bitchface upside-down

In case you were wondering, this is also known as a smile. Smiling is crucial. It makes you so much more approachable and likable. Don’t force an awkward joker-esque smile, but make sure that you don’t look like you’re scowling.

4. Erect...posture

Stand up straight. You’ll feel more confident when you do. 

5. Hands at your side

Don’t cross your hands over your chest or have them in your pockets. This makes you look very unapproachable. Always have your hands at your sides. No fidgeting either. 

6. Talk about 'Drag Race' if you’re not sure what to talk about

RuPaul’s Drag Race is a gift to every single socially awkward gay man out there. It is such an easy conversation starter. Everyone watches it. Everyone has opinions on their favorite and least favorite queens. And if they don’t watch it, it’s like, do you even want to be talking to them? 

7. “What about you?”

Whenever he asks you a question, make sure to follow up by asking something about him. If you don’t, the conversation dies.

8. Get comfortable standing alone

This is easier said than done, but this is crucial. I used to feel so awkward standing alone at a bar or event. I used to think everyone noticed how much of a loser I was for not talking to anyone. The truth is, nobody’s eyes are on you. Nobody cares. You’re not that important. When you start to feel comfortable while standing alone in party settings, you won’t feel pressured to talk to other people, which means you’ll be less nervous when you actually do. 

9. Get the guy who’s great at socializing to be your wingman

Remember that friend I spoke about in the introduction? Hopefully you didn’t cuss him out already. You should use him. If he’s a great socializer, have him be your wingman. He’ll help you play to your strengths. He’ll break the ice. He’s literally the best person to have on your side.

10. Wear what you’re most comfortable in...

Be comfortable. Be you. Yes, it’s corny, but don’t wear something to try to fit in. God knows I used to do that. Now I just dress like a THOT and feel a lot more comfortable.

11. ...but also peacock with one item

Okay, so dress comfortably, but at the same time, wear one item that’s a conversation starter. A feather earring, a big necklace, something. Peacocking makes it easier for other guys to start a conversation with you. "Oh my god, I love your [gaudy article of clothing]!"

12. Seriously, smile

I don’t think I emphasized this enough. Those pearly whites are your best weapon. Use them. 

13. Eye contact is your friend

Oh, look, you’ve already turned away. No, seriously, eye contact is your friend. Look him in the eye, let him know you’re serious, and don’t be afraid to go for what you want...

14. Don't try too hard

…but also, like, be cool about it. Yes, you’ve dressed to impress, but try to say and do things that feel natural to you, not something you think is going to get you more attention.

15. Confidence is key

Leagues really don’t exist when you know how to own the skin you’re in, baby. Be who you are and walk into the room like you own it. Just try not to be too douchey about it.