Sometimes you go from completely neutral feelings for your hookup, to 100 real quick. You aren’t just sleeping together anymore. You know all of their friends, and they know yours. Your habits have merged. What’s yours is theirs, and what’s theirs is yours.
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You’re, like, legit. Or it feels like it, at least. How do you know if they feel the same way? Maybe they’re just really comfortable with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they want more. But how do you figure out if they want more — because you sure as hell do?
Dating is messy, and tends to be complicated, but we’ve got a few ideas.
1. Evaluate the status of your relationship
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Spend some time thinking before you throw all of your feelings out there. You’re taking a risk going from hookup to relationship, so be sure to really evaluate the status of your relationship. Are they actually as cuddly and sweet as you think they are? Do they seem to be treating you differently, more like a partner-in-crime and less as a fling? What were things like in the beginning, and what are they like now?
2. Drop hints
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Start slow. Going from hookup to relationship doesn’t have to be such a giant shift. Take baby steps. Try asking them to hang out outside of your bedroom. How do they react when you ask them to go to the gym with you, or run errands? Do they freak out when you ask if they want to cook dinner with you, or do they seem genuinely excited?
3. Figure out how into relationships they are
Are they 100% anti-relationships? Do they spit on marriage, monogamy, and everything traditional? Do they have a history of spending years proudly in the world of singledom? Figure out the answers to these questions and then think on it from there.
4. Review everything with your friends
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Ask your friends to be brutally honest. Do they think you have a chance in hell with this person? Let them remind you what love is supposed to be like, and help you figure out if there’s any chance this thing you’re feeling could be a little bit like love.
5. Straight up ask if they’d ever date you
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At the end of the day, the only way to really know if your hookup would seriously consider dating you is to ask. As scary as it is, it’s the cold, hard truth. You can ask everyone in the world for wisdom and advice, but the only person who gives the final say is your hookup. So ask them. Just know in advance if you’re going to be willing to remain a hookup if they say they don’t want to date, and try to keep it casual.
6. Give them time
We’re not saying to promise eternity to your hookup, but definitely offer your hookup some time and space to figure out how they feel about everything and to talk it over with their friends. An ultimatum is rarely a good call, so just put the offer out there and give them a moment to process. Respect whatever answer they give, and definitely don’t launch into a tirade about the “friend zone,” no matter how much your feelings hurt.
Going from hookup to relationship is about as messy as hooking up with your best friend. There are so many feelings and egos and maybe even a history involved. If, worst-case scenario, they don’t want to date you? We’ve got you covered.
