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Is it them? Or you?
When something happens once, it doesn’t mean anything. When it happens twice, it’s a coincidence, but when the same thing happens three times, it becomes a pattern. If you noticed you have a pattern of liking guys who don’t like you back, then odds are it’s actually not them, it is you — or rather — something you’re doing. So let’s take a look if we can see what the root is behind the fact that every guy you seem to like never seems to reciprocate your affection.
1. You like the idea of him
I put this reason first, because I think the majority of the time, this is the major issue. Instead of actually liking him for who he is, you like him because you want a boyfriend so badly. When this happens, you ignore all the ways you two aren’t actually compatible. This then leads to additional problems in how you approach talking to the man you have a crush on.
2. You’re overanalyzing every. single. thing.
I know how hard it is not to overanalyze every little thing when you’re in the early stages of a relationship. Why hasn’t he texted me back? I saw him post a photo on Instagram! Why does he keep talking to his ex? And so on and so forth. Analyzing everything over and over doesn’t create a healthy mindset when in the nascent stages of a relationship. Breathe. Relax. Watch some trashy TV. Take your mind off him.
3. You come off too strong
After one date, you’re talking about how much you like him and can’t wait to rent a cabin up north together. If he’s on the same page you are, that’s great, but most of the time, this scares guys off — even if they like you. God knows a number of gay men have commitment issues, so you might need to ease him into the more “serious” and “long-term” talks.
4. You prioritize looks over personality
Ooohhh. I’ve had numerous friends who claim to like a guy, but after delving a little further, I realize they only like him because he’s pretty. Girl, pretty guys are a dime a dozen, especially in the gay community. We're all sexy AF. Don’t like a guy just because he’s hot. Besides, as we know, most hot guys are assholes.
5. There’s high compatibility but low chemistry
Okay, so this is a trap I’ve fallen into a few times. I like a guy because he’s kind, honest, handsome, and we get along really well. That doesn’t necessarily mean we should be dating. It just means I’ve met another cool person. Sometimes, we confuse compatibility with chemistry, and then try to force these guys to be our boyfriends, when in actuality, we should just be friends.
6. The sex is great — but that’s it
My guncle (gay uncle) once told me I’ll have no idea if I actually like a guy for at least 6 months if the sex is great. At first, I felt he was being patronizing. “I’m not an idiot,” I thought to myself. “I can definitely tell if I like the guy only because the sex is great.” But honestly, it’s often not that simple. We can confuse incredible sex with feelings.
7. You’re having sex prematurely
I love having sex on the first date. (Who doesn’t, am I right?) But sometimes, especially if you like someone, I think it’s better to wait to have sex. This harkens back to my previous point. You’ll know you actually like him for his personality and not because of the sex. Additionally, some guys are completely over you if you have sex too quickly.
8. You have a thing for unavailable men
You might be the type of guy who has a thing for unavailable men: guys with commitment issues, who are already in a relationship, or work wayyyy too hard to seriously date someone. You like someone who’s distant and unobtainable. If you find this being a pattern among the men you like, girl, you better snap out of it!
