15 Dating Tips For Gay Introverts, How To Get The Guy Even When You're Shy

As if dating isn't hard enough...

Dating is hard enough as it is, but when you add that the fact you're shy and introverted into the mix, then dating can be a special kind of hell.

It doesn't have to be that bad, though!

First of all, remember you're not alone, so there's always there. Second of all, here are 15 tips that should help you out!

1. Own who you are

I know, I know -- you're introverted. You're shy. Owning yourself is, like, the hardest thing I could ask of you off the bat, but it's okay! You don't really have to own it with anyone else if you don't want to -- just own it with yourself. You're introverted, and that's okay!

2. Work to communicate your feelings

Yes, you're probably sweating at the thought, but it's okay. Being open and learning how to communicate are vital to making relationships work. It's not like you need to dump all of your problems on him the first time you meet, but there isn't anything wrong with admitting you're a little shy and need some time to warm up.

3. Be open to trying something new

If you're going out with an adventurous guy, be open to something he wants to do. Remember there's a difference between stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something dangerous, so find and test your own limits and be open to trying some new things along the way.

4. Find a way to ground yourself before you go

Maybe you put on an uplifting audiobook, or powerful binaural beats, or watch your favorite show. Just do something to relax, breathe, and let your mind be at ease. The more relaxed you are going into the dating, the easier it will be to get through it.

5. Try not to overthink everything

Yes, I know, that's basically the opposite of everything you are. I get it. Introverts tend to overthink every comment, every word, every action. Revert back to point number one, and just find a way to relax and breathe.

6. Being quiet doesn’t mean you're disengaged or uninterested, so don’t let it come off like that

Just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean that you’re "cold" or "over it," but you have to be careful to make sure your demeanor doesn’t come off as being stand-offish. You can be quiet and introverted while still being engaged in the conversation.

7. Don’t attempt to be anything you’re not (or hide your introversion)

Be you, girl. You gotta be you. There’s nothing wrong with being introverted, so why are you trying to change who you are? Don’t attempt to be something you’re not, or claim to be more extroverted when that isn’t the case. There’s no reason to lie or deceive.

8. When in doubt, talk about 'Drag Race'

RuPaul’s Drag Race is a GIFT for gay introverts. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone's excited to talk about which queen they love, hate, and love to hate. (Nearly) everyone watches it. It’s a SOLID go-to if you’re feeling uncomfortable or aren’t exactly sure what to talk about.

9. Pick a shorter (simpler) date activity

Don’t go on a 15-mile hike. Don’t go "out" for the evening with no specific end time. Have a set time and place. (Preferably a place you know and feel comfortable at.) The only thing worse than feeling uncomfortable on a date is knowing that the date has to last for another two hours.  

10. Figure out if you like dating introverts or extroverts and proceed accordingly

Some introverts like dating other introverts because they understand what it’s like. They can empathize. They don’t feel pressured to be anything else but who they are. On the flip side, some introverts love dating extroverts because extroverts, in essence, do all the work. They like being the center of attention. They help you meet other people. They like hogging the spotlight, so it’s easier for you to be your more introverted self.

11. Focus on body language

A number of famous studies have come out in the past few years that revealed that when you stand in a power pose (imagine like Wonder Woman, with hands on your hips) there’s a positive physiological reaction that releases hormones related to confidence. On the flip side, if your hands are in your pockets and you are slouched, you release more cortisol, a stress-related hormone. So stand up straight. Hands out of pockets.

12. Ask open-ended questions

You definitely don’t want to ask yes or no questions. Doing that will lead to awkward lulls in the conversation. Ask more open-ended questions to the person you’re on a date with.

13. Ask thought-provoking questions you want to know the answer to

If you don’t like small talk, then screw small talk! No one has ever come back from a date saying, "I wish we spoke more about nothing." No, good dates are ones where you discuss interesting, even controversial topics.

14. Pick an activity (as opposed to drinks)

Drinks can be tough because it’s all conversation-based. Going to a bar that’s throwing a Drag Race viewing party is great because there are set times to talk and watch. Other good activities include going to a museum or botanical garden, because you’re not really supposed to be talking much there anyway.

15. Don’t feel the need to fill silence

On a related note, remember that there’s nothing wrong with silence. Silence doesn’t have to be "awkward," so to speak. It can just be silent. Sometimes you’ll have nothing to say to each other, and that’s completely okay!