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Sophie Saint Thomas is a Brooklyn-based bisexual writer originally from the Virgin Islands. She has more than one David Bowie tattoo.
Sophie Saint Thomas is a Brooklyn-based bisexual writer originally from the Virgin Islands. She has more than one David Bowie tattoo.
Sometimes you're not looking for a relationship. Perhaps you're newly single, or perhaps you're focused on your career. Whatever the reason, just because a romantic partner isn't on your checklist, that doesn't mean you can't still crave regular sex with someone you trust. Enter the fuck buddy. When you meet the right one, you can have regular, safe, consistently good sex without messy emotions or heart-wrenching breakups. Sure, we're all humans, and any relationship can get complicated, but when done right, friends with benefits is exactly what it sounds like. Here's why, and how, fuck buddies can be the best relationship of them all.
If you've recently gotten out of a relationship, you need time to heal before jumping into a new one. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to the other person. No one wants to be a rebound. Plus, when your heart is still healing, you don't always make the best choices in partner selection. However, that reliable fuck buddy ready to scratch your back that you've known since college? As long as communication is in place, and the casual agreement is mutual, they could be the perfect person to give you the human contact and sex you need to get over your ex.
Casual sex comes with risks. (And I'm not even speaking about STI transmission, although condoms and testing are crucial!) Sure, this person looks great on a dating app, but it's such a bummer to meet up with someone only to have absolutely no chemistry, or for them to act creepy towards you. With your trusted fuck buddy, you've been through the screening process. You trust that you can communicate about things (such as your most recent STI test), and you can trust that you'll have a good time with them and they won't turn out to be a smelly Republican.
There's a reason you keep going back. Enough said. Plus, sometimes in casual situations, you may feel more open to trying new things (such as going to a kink event or making use of tentacle-shaped dildos) that take some time to lead up to in more serious romantic relationships. With fuck buddies, you never have to worry about what their mom might think about your tentacle fantasy.
Blame Disney movies or the Christians, but society has this notion that everytime you enjoy intimacy with another human, it's meant to eventually lead to a big ole' gay marriage. Ugh, yes, now queers have to deal with that pressure (there's a shadow to every cloud), but it's okay to have consistent and intimate sex with someone who is much better suited for you as a fuck buddy than a life partner. Someone should make a Disney movie about that.
Oh my god, being friends with an ex is so difficult. It takes time and usually falling in love with someone else. If you have a fuck buddy that's been around for a while, you've likely already realized that your specific chemistry works for both casual sex and friendship. Therefore, should one of you meet someone and need to step back from the benefits parts of friends with benefits, the friendship is less likely to go up in flames.
Often, on apps such as Tinder, adding "I'm just looking for something casual," or "I recently got out of a relationship," won't exactly get you a ton of matches. So, it's normal to keep things to yourself in an effort to get laid (look, I'm not saying it's right). However, with a friend with benefits, if they really are your friend, they're probably used to you bitching about your break up and how horny you are. They might be single and horny too, ready to come over and go down on you with full knowledge of your emotional state and needs.
Now that we're being nice and honest, booty call all you want. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with a "u up?" or even better (they are your friend after all), "Hiiii I'm horny wanna come over?" They are your friend, they like to bang you, let them be there for you by fucking your brains out.
![Paulie Calafiore dishes on his steamy thirst traps: 'Everybody wants to see [me] half-naked'](https://www.out.com/media-library/image.jpg?id=59778323&width=300)
