9 Strap-On Struggles That Are Way Too Real

Strap-ons are life.

Ask any couple in which both partners have vaginas! Nothing makes you realize how unimportant flesh penises are like buying one of your own in whatever color, shape, and size you and your partner desire. Couples of any orientation and gender can enjoy strap-on sex. For people with penises, strapping on another dick has to be one of the hottest types of sex out there. Yet becoming best friends with a strap-on can take time, and getting used to having sex with one can feel awkward.

These are nine strap-on struggles that are way too real.

1. Selecting your dick

Dicks are bountiful. Which one is right for you? Dildos are available in small, large, black, brown, purple, rainbow, with testicles, and without testicles. Selecting your dildo can be overwhelming. Take your time. Bring your partner with you if you’re in a relationship. And if you can afford it, buy more than one. Collecting dildos is so much more fun than collecting stamps.

2. Strapping on the harness

While some strap-ons come with a harness attached, typically, now that you’ve picked out your dick, you’re going to need a harness to match. Babeland is a great queer-friendly shop to select a harness. From kinky lace-up leather to basic elastic harnesses! Just don’t expect it to fit perfectly the first time you slide it on (that’s what the straps are for). Take some time alone adjusting your harness, but come (heheheh) prepared to adjust your harness as needed while getting it on.

3. Learning to hump

As a bisexual woman, I always took humping for granted until I started having strap-on sex. (Kudos to people with penises, because maintaining a good rhythm and speed while penetrating your partner is hard work.) Your first few times having sex while wearing a strap-on might be awkward as you find your flow. This is normal and why it’s crucial to date partners who are understanding. To prepare for your first-time fucking someone with a strap-on, practice humping alone in your bed (I even practiced on a Fleshlight).

4. Switching positions

You finally mastered the missionary position, and all of a sudden your partner wants to get on top. Hot! However, when she tries to flip over, the dick accidentally slips out. It happens, and switching positions becomes easier with practice, so just keep having sex.

5. Finding the best porn

Watching strap-on porn is a wonderful way to learn how to use yours and watch how it’s done. That being said, mainstream porn that shows fast and furious strap-on sex between straight women isn’t the most accurate teacher. The ethically-made and queer-friendly Crash Pad Series is perfect for viewing realistic and accurate depictions of queer sex with strap-ons.

6. Anal

Since the rectum isn’t self-lubricating, making love to someone in the butt with your strap-on can be more delicate than vaginal or oral sex. A strap-on can indeed feel like part of your body, but since they don’t have nerve endings, first-time strap-on anal can be more difficult than other forms of sex. You don’t want to accidentally hurt your partner, so communication is crucial.

7. Selecting the right lube

We talk about dildos and harnesses more than we discuss the third part of the equation: lube. It’s crucial to remember that different sex toys and situations require different lubricants. For instance, silicone breaks down silicone, so if your dildo is made of silicone, opt for water-based lube. If you’re using condoms with your strap-on, avoid anything oil-based, as such lubes aren’t latex-friendly. That means if you’re using condoms, no coconut oil or anything out of your kitchen cupboard for you. Head to your local adult shop for something store-bought.

8. Connecting with your cock

Ask anyone familiar with using a strap-on. They can become part of you and feel just as real as a flesh penis. It takes a little bit of time to connect with your new cock, but it’s an important relationship to invest in. After you buy a new strap-on and before you use it with a partner, spend some time wearing it around the house and masturbating with it. Stroke that cock!

9. Dealing with breakups

One of the saddest parts about a break-up (aside from losing the person, of course) is figuring out what to do with your sex toys. Strap-ons often become a vital part of a relationship. When one ends, you may feel conflicted. Do I toss away this beautiful sex toy that feels like a part of me? Or do I keep it, with the understanding that it might bring up emotional memories? Often, new partners are less than excited to use a strap-on that’s been a part of a previous relationship. But you know what that means? You get to go shopping!