25 reasons being a bottom is tougher than being a top

The struggle is REAL and sometimes it HURTS!

Listen, “TOP ONLY” folks out there. You don’t know what’s like, and you're also sort of annoying. Sorry not sorry. You just don’t know about the work that goes into making you happy, nor the struggles that come from bottoming.

If you’re either unaware of reasons being a bottom is tougher than being a top, or even what bottoming feels like for that matter, looking for a place that understands you, here are 25 reasons bottoms have it a little more difficult than tops.

1. Anal Fissures

Oh, the joys of being a bottom. Bottoming, (especially when the top is rough) puts you at a higher risk for anal fissures, which hurt like hell. Need some help on how to get rid of them? Look no further.  

2. You always have to stay fit

Okay, so, yes, gay men in general like their fitness, but bottoms are expected to, well... have a great bottom. They're expected to be physically fit, flexible, and strong, so there's always an internal desire to look as good as possible.

3. There's often much more pressure

Like staying fit, bottoms have a lot of other pressures, too. If we're being real, even though it shouldn't be like this, bottoms are expected to be "feminine," which means they're also usually expected to do the "women" things like cooking and cleaning. Not okay, but it's a fight that exists nonetheless.

4. People don't think you can be vers

Versatile gay men really do live the best of both worlds. However, if people associate you as more of a bottom, they'll have a harder time thinking you can hold it down when it comes to your turn to be on top.

5. People assume you're easy

Yes, there are a lot of bottoms who enjoy sex. The double-standard here is the same as with heterosexual relationships, in that the top is not given a second thought for how many holes he puts it in. We'll talk more about slut-shaming later, but just because a man enjoys being on the bottom doesn't mean he wants to sleep with every man he encounters, okay?

6. Studies show that %.01 of gay men are tops

Okay, this is a blatant lie, but doesn’t it seem like that? Bottoms are a dime a dozen. They’re everywhere. And every time you meet a cute guy and think he’s a top, of course, he too, is a bottom. You can’t win. Demand is high. Supply is scarce. 

7. Those tops that never finish

Sex is great. Sex is amazing. Prostate stimulation is a generous gift that the gay gods have graciously bestowed to us. However, getting pounded for two hours is absolutely exhausting. There’s something called diminishing marginal returns. The amount of pleasure you get from sex after an extended period goes down. It also can start to hurt.

8. Not knowing when you can eat

Things I never do: go on a date to a Thai or Indian restaurant. There’s nothing worse than feeling bloated and gassy after a meal and having to reject the hot guy who wants to bone you.

9. The physical exertion

That shit is hard. It’s a glute, hamstring, quadriceps, and ab workout. Even an arm and shoulder workout if you're propping yourself up. It takes a lot of effort to move your entire bottom section in a quick and rhythmic motion.

10. Higher risk of HIV

Bottoming puts you at a higher risk of acquiring HIV than tops. Luckily, there’s PrEP. A great piece in The Advocate illustrates how PrEP is empowering bottoms.

11. The pain when he’s too well-endowed

Well-endowed usually is a good thing, but there is very much a thing as too well-endowed. (At least for some men, I know plenty of size queens who claim the bigger the better.) When he can’t fit because he’s too well endowed – and no lube or foreplay seems to help – it sucks. It really sucks not being able to have and/or enjoy sex because he has an elephant trunk hanging between his legs.

12. Cleanliness

Cleanliness is not something that tops need to worry about. They can stick that package of theirs into any mailbox, without worrying that they, themselves, might be dirty. Bottoms, on the other hand, have to worry about cleanliness, which definitely takes you out of the moment. We also have to prepare and clean extensively. (Tops don’t have to douche their peehole…)

13. Greedy tops don’t care if you orgasm

Just because I’m bottoming doesn’t mean I don’t want to ejaculate, and just became you came quickly doesn’t mean sex is over. You should always offer to help the bottom finish. He’s got needs too. He’s more than a hole.

14. The tops who refuse to have sex with a condom

There are a number of tops out there who only have sex raw. I’m not here to judge them. You do your thing, and thank you for being upfront about it. However, it’s annoying when you want to sleep with someone, you pick them up at a bar, you bring them back home, only to learn he refuses to have sex with a condom on. It’s an annoying deal-breaker.

15. The lack of foreplay

I get it. You’re horny. You’re excited. You’re hard. You want to get things going. We do too, don’t get us wrong. But we do require a little bit of foreplay before you start shoving that meatstick inside of us.

16. The powerdriller

Power drilling definitely has a time and a place. Most bottoms I know love being power drilled. But not ONLY power drilled. You need to switch it up. Change the pace. Change positions.

17. After taking forever to loosen up, he orgasms in 60 seconds

Not shaming or in any way judging guys who struggle with premature ejaculation, but sometimes, truthfully, it can be a letdown. So if you do happen to ejaculate quickly, what I recommend is playing with the bottom. Stimulate him with making out and heavy petting, and go again once your refractory period is up. This time you’ll be able to last longer. Why not cum twice in a session?

18. It seems like tops only know of doggy style

Doggy feels divine. It pushes on your prostate in a very heavenly manner, and allows the top to get really deep in there. But sometimes, I’m convinced that there are tops out there who literally only know that one position. Switch. It. Up.

19. Bottoms are slut shamed more often

Regarding their sexual conduct, feminine bottoms are often held to the same double standard that straight women are. Bottoms get shamed for being slutty or having a loose butthole (FYI, that’s not how anatomy works…). Masculine tops, on the other hand, are treated like straight men, and because of this, aren’t shamed the same way for casually sleeping around with many guys.

20. The popper judgers

Poppers are indeed drugs, and taking poppers aren’t as healthy as… not taking poppers. But don’t judge. I know it’s not necessarily the most flattering to be plowing a guy from behind, while he’s vigorously inhaling, making that snorting sound, but if you want to be in there, you need to live by his rules. For some guys, it simply hurts too much to have anal sex without poppers.

21. The assumption that you must be submissive

You can be an aggressive bottom who runs the whole damn show. That’s what power bottoms are. Just because you like to be penetrated, doesn’t mean that you like to be submissive. They are two distinct entities.

22. Needing to poop RIGHT after you clean

You douched yourself up or did whatever your cleaning routine is, only to have to poop an hour later. Possibly, the most frustrating thing in the world. 

23. Stigma and expectations

There are a lot of stereotypes and expectations about what it means to be a bottom. This can make it harder to find your sexual identity and make it feel like you can only fit into certain molds to be a “good” bottom.

24. Worrying about your diet

It’s bad enough that you don’t know when a good time to eat is, not to mention always making sure you’re clean, but there’s also the constant worrying about what you’re consuming at any given time. Certain foods make skipping meals easier because they’re satisfying, and others make the cleanliness factor less of a hassle. Tops have the luxury of reaching for the extra free bed at meals; bottoms maybe not so much.

25. Pleasing without being pleased

The culmination of everything. You’re expected to do all of the work from cleaning to oral to choosing the positions. He rarely cares if you finish or not, and he shows little care for your overall needs. Bottoms are constantly expected to do all the pleasing because they’re a dime a dozen, but they don’t always get the same kind of respect or attention in return.