20 important things virgins should know about 'doin' it'
| 02/28/24
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Haven't experienced sex yet? No worries!
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Some of us were late bloomers in that game. But before your first time, there are plenty of important facts to know and learn before jumping in. Here are 20 we recommend.
1) You're not weird for waiting
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I personally made it all the way through high school, college, and well into my adult life before I actually had sex. Plenty of people have their opinions on waiting, but there isn't anything wrong with it. You can only lose your virginity once, and the best time to do it, is when you're ready to do it — period.
2) It's harder than it looks
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Anyone who's had sex knows what they're doing, which is pretty self-explanatory. The thing is, until you do it, you won't know how weird it is to try and find the hole if you're on the top, and it might hurt a lot more than you're ready for if you're on the bottom, even if you've practiced with yourself. Just give yourself some space to explore.
3) You may not enjoy it the first time
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Depending on how your first experience goes, you may or may not actually enjoy it. If you have any feelings of "what's the fuss about" after your first time, try it again a couple more times. Trust me, you'll learn.
4) It might be over quickly
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If you're topping someone, it might not take long before you reach ejaculation. If you're on the bottom, you may only be able to take so much before you need a break. Regardless of the role you take, just be kind to yourself as you explore.
5) Masturbation is good practice
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If you're not having sex with anyone else, you should start with having sex with yourself. Masturbation is a great way for you to learn your body, and also to help prepare yourself for making sure it lasts when it finally does happen. And you don't just have to use your hands here, either -- the more toys, the better.
6) The media is lying to you
Sort of. Sex isn't as perfect as mainstream media always shows. Bodies don't come together perfectly, sex isn't always smooth, and people don't look like supermodels that have sex like porn stars. Sex is more real and complicated. Don't let TV or film tell you how you should have sex.
7) Especially when representing gay sexuality
When the media features us, it's rare they embrace our sexualities. More often than not, we aren't even there to be seen. The media can definitely warp your point of view about what sex is like for LGBT people by, well, simply leaving us out.
8) Condoms are your best friend
Whether it's a male or female condoms, everyone should own one. They're excellent safe sex tools that prevent the spread of HIV and other dangerous STIs. If you want to know more about condoms, check out our list of facts here.
9) Sex education courses may be spotty
Depending on where you grew up, sex education may not be very helpful. "Abstinence" programs have zero relevance in most teens' lives (most people have sex!) and very few American sex education programs are inclusive of LGBT identities, especially queer and trans ones. Instead, rely on trusted Internet sources (like Planned Parenthood or the CDC) if your local high school isn't helping much.
10) And you probably weren't taught much about lube
Sex education classes tend to underrate lube. But it's an important part of sex (especially for your first time), and it's something that will keep the night flowing (literally). Make sure to come prepared with some, and use plenty of it when in doubt!
11) Sex isn't about being the "best"
Sex isn't a competition, and being "good" at sex is somewhat arbitrary. In the end, sex is about having an enjoyable and pleasurable experience between both you and your partner(s). Don't worry about doing well, just focus on being in the moment.
12) In fact, everyone has pros and cons
There is no such thing as the "perfect" lay. Many people are good at some things, but bad at others. Sex, like many things, is a skill that takes time to learn.
13) Some positions require more prep than others
Oral is probably not going to take as much prep as anal, for instance. Do your research beforehand and, again, come prepared! (No pun intended.)
14) Social media may not be telling the full story
Sites like Facebook and Twitter can become grounds for bragging about parties or sexual prowess. Don't fall victim to social media. More often than not, what you see is the highlight of someone's day, not the rough patches. Someone that markets themselves as a total stud may, in fact, get turned down plenty of times as well.
15) Porn is just a fantasy
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Don't trust porn to teach you much about sexuality. Sex is much more complicated, has starts and stops, and isn't as structured as a porn flick.
16) Bodies aren't perfect
You're gonna see pimples, moles, birth marks, just to name a few. Bodies aren't clean, smooth vessels like in cartoons. They have signs of wear and tear, and that's perfectly normal.
17) Your first time might not be perfect
First times are notorious for being, well, tricky. It's your first time having sex, but you're still learning how to have sex, and things might not flow naturally at first. Don't expect perfection walking in, just make sure you're having fun with it and being safe.
18) But it's not rocket science
At the end of the day, sex is about one thing: having a pleasurable experience with your partner(s). Remember to walk in without thinking sex is too complex or complicated for you to understand. Once you try it, it's actually pretty straightforward!
19) Sex is funny and silly
Sex is kinda funny. Your bodies make weird sounds, your partner might make funny noises when they're turned on, and a stray song or sound from your roommate's room can turn a hot bedroom experience into the two of you laughing on the bed together. Sex is fun that way, so don't be afraid to laugh a little with your partner.
20) It's perfectly okay to be a virgin!
There's nothing wrong with it. Sex isn't the end all, be all of life. Enjoy yourself and don't be afraid to wait for when you're ready.
