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Sometimes it's just not meant to be.
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No matter how much we like a certain guy, for one reason or another sometimes a relationship with him just isn't in the cards — and there are plenty of signs letting us know this.
Let's talk about a few of those, just so you'll recognize when it's time to move on.
You're just ignoring your gut
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You already know he's bad news. You already know he's not boyfriend material. You already know he's going to hurt you. And yet, does this actually stop you? Who's to blame here?
He doesn't save your number
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He knows your name and the text thread exists, but he hasn't actually saved your phone number. Sometimes, people are just bad at doing this (guilty), but truthfully, if you're into the guy, saving his number is the first thing you do when you finally get it.
He hits on people in front of you
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When you’re single, this can be tricky, because you’re probably constantly seeing couples hitting on other people in front of each other all the time. That said, those couples are committed and have at least more than likely gone through a period of time where their only focus was each other, and anyone else was a conversation. If he’s hitting on anything that walks by, he’s probably not looking for anything serious with you.
He makes excuses for why he's busy
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We all work, OK? We all go to the gym, or walk our dogs, or need to meal prep, or whatever what have you. The real truth is, when you want to see someone or do something, you make time for it. Point blank. If he’s not making time for you, he’s probably not into you.
You do all of the planning for dates and interactions
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Piggybacking on his excuses for always being busy, he also might not be into dating you if you’re the only one making the plans. He may come along for the ride (and the fun), but if you’re constantly getting “I don’t know” as a response any time you ask what he wants to do, he may not be super fun boyfriend material.
He is literally telling you he’s not looking for something serious
Usually, I’d say actions speak louder than words, but in this case, listen to what he’s saying. Sometimes guys have trouble breaking things off, so they act all cutesy, but they really aren’t looking for anything serious. If he tells you he’s not interested in a serious relationship with you, for the love of God listen to what he’s saying. Don’t try to change him. Or worse, wait for him to be "ready."
He’s on his phone the whole time he’s with you
This is a sign that he would rather be somewhere else or with someone else. He shouldn’t be on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter the whole time you’re together. He shouldn’t be texting friends nonstop. He should definitely not be on Grindr when you two are together. If this is the case, his actions are speaking deafeningly loud.
He’s quick to anger and slow to understand
A man like this can never have a successful relationship. You don’t want to be with someone who’s gut response is to yell, instead of understand your viewpoint. It’s a sign of immaturity as well as arrogance. Hard pass.
He compares himself to you nonstop
Ooff. This is a big sign that he’s incredibly insecure and self-absorbed. He should be happy when you succeed, and not immediately bring your success back to himself, like "Why don’t I ever get praise from my bosses?"
He only asks to meet up for late night rendezvous
Take the hint. If he’s booty calling you and nothing more, then he wants you as a booty call and nothing more. It really is that simple.
He’s not willing to delete sex apps from his phone
So this depends on the type of relationship you plan on having. (If it’s non-monogamous, please ignore this.) But if you’ve been dating a while, and he still has Grindr, Scruff, and Hornet, on his phone like he’s still looking around for something better, I’d talk to him about it. Maybe he hasn’t checked Grindr and just simply forgot to delete it. But if he says that he still likes cruising and talking to guys for sex, then I’d proceed with caution.
He doesn’t consider you when making decisions
While there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first when you enter into a relationship part of the deal, is they become a consideration, too.
Your feelings and wellbeing should matter enough to him that he thinks about how something he does will affect you.
He polices you and your body
Hard pass. I know boys who get jealous when their partner posts thirst traps on Instagram. They either then get passive aggressive, or in some extreme situations, ask their partner to stop. No. It’s your body. Not his. Do what you will. If he’s feeling insecure and kindly asks you to stop posting for a while cause he hates that guys are constantly DMing you, that’s one thing. But if he’s demanding or being passive aggressive, buh-bye.
A number of friends/family members don’t think you should date him
Don’t underestimate the power of what your family and friends think. If a few different friends are saying that you shouldn’t be with this guy, I would highly consider listening to them. They know you. There’s a reason why they’re your friends. You trust them. Listen to what they say.
He’s not on the same page as you sexually
Now this can mean many things. It could mean he doesn’t like having sex nearly as much as you. It could mean you’re both exclusively bottoms. It could mean you would still like to be having sex with other people while in a committed relationship as him. It could be that you’re kinky and he’s not at all. Obviously, some things aren’t deal breakers. Some things take compromise. Some things, however, (should) mean terminating the relationship. So make sure you’re on the same page sexually as he is.
| 04/11/24
