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There's more to life than trying to find a boyfriend!
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Sure, having a companion and being in a romantic relationship is great, and sometimes being single totally sucks. Yes, yes, there’s plenty of “strength” to be had in being single, but honestly, being told that doesn’t help. If you’re itching for a boyfriend, it’s likely because you don’t like being single. If you liked being single, you’d be reading something else. Since you’re here, let’s talk about some things to avoid so you don’t come off as awkward or perhaps slightly desperate in the dating pool.
Here are 15 tips to help you stop chasing boys, once and for all.
1. Recognize a pattern
Think about all the guys you’ve had a crush on in the past year. Maybe guys you had a one-night stand with or guys you had a couple of dates with. How did it end? Were you the one texting him? Did he ghost you? What happened? Do you see a pattern?
2. If you’re constantly getting ghosted, you might be the one doing something wrong
I’m not trying to victim blame, and some guys are just straight up assholes. I have been ghosted, more times that I care to admit, but most of the time, I’m not ghosted. Most of the time, I get some type of indication that he’s not into me. Then I move on. If you’re constantly getting ghosted, you may be coming on too strong, and he’s not sure how to deal with you, so he just...doesn’t.
3. Take the hints
He might not sit you down and say, "I don’t want to date you or see you anymore." He might say he’s super busy with work. He’s not over his ex. He’s not looking to settle down. These are all signs that he’s just not that into you.
4. Even busy people text when they like you
I have been swamped with work. There have been weeks I’ve written 20,000 words. But if I like a guy, I’m still texting him. And while I’ll let him know I’m swamped with work, I always let him know when my hectic schedule is coming to end and plan something with him afterwards. There’s a huge difference between receiving a text that says, "I’m really busy with work right now. Not sure when I can see you next," and "I’m really busy with work for the week, but wanna do brunch when I’m finally done with this project?"
5. Ask friends for advice
Ask your friends what they think, but also don’t ask that friend who just validates the living shit out of you. You need to ask a friend who will be honest with you. Who will say, "Yeah, I don’t think he’s worth it," which is often a nice way of saying, "Yeah…he’s not that into you…move on."
6. Listen to their advice
I couldn't tell you the number of times I haven’t listen to my friend’s advice because I didn’t like what they had to say. Those are the times when it’s MOST important to listen to their advice. Yes, it’s easier said than done. But have faith in them. There’s a reason why you guys are friends to begin with. You trust them.
7. Don’t believe he owes you anything after a one-night stand
People may disagree with me on this, but I’m just going to put it out there and see what the world has to say. I don’t think a guy owes you anything after a one-night stand. Sure, it’s nice to be polite. It’s nice to be cordial. I don’t think it would kill him to respond to your text. But just because you both happened to get hammered at a bar and have sex, doesn’t mean he owes you anything. Especially with Grindr. If you said less than 100 words before having sex with a man you met on Grindr, and said less than 100 words to him after you had sex, he doesn't owe you anything.
8. Stop rationalizing/justifying/excusing his actions
He had the flu. He was busy with work. He just go out of a relationship. Yes, again, these are all valid excuses to not necessarily see someone. But as I mentioned before, if he’s into you, he’ll still text. He’ll say something. He’ll give you some indication that yes, I can’t see you now, but I do want to see you in the future.
9. He’s just not that into you shouldn’t hurt your ego
It’s not the end of the world...I’m sorry. If a guy you like isn’t that into you, you can be sad. It would be weird if you weren't sad. But it shouldn’t hurt your ego. So if you just met someone, had one date, and they weren’t into you after it, that’s okay. They honestly, don’t even know you. You just had one date.
10. Stop falling for the idea of him
I have friends who, after talking to a guy at the bar for seven minutes, tell me that they think he’s "the one." I’m always shocked. You. Do. Not. Know. Him. If you’re constantly falling in love immediately, after a date (or less), then it’s not him that you actually love, it’s the idea of having a kind, charismatic boyfriend.
11. Delete his Instagram/Facebook/Twitter
If you’re checking all of his social media accounts after it’s over, after he wasn’t that into you, you need to delete and move on ASAP.
12. Lay off the apps for a while
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It is also okay to be single and spend some time by yourself, you know. Dating apps make finding boys almost easier than ordering a pizza, but that doesn’t mean you need to hop straight back to the app every time something doesn’t work out. A little mental break can go a really long way in helping you own your power.
13. Find a different hobby
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There has to be something else you like doing. Are you a reader, writer, painter, artist, or any other type of creative? Do you like to design apps? Spend time outdoors? There are literally thousands of other things you can do, so if you’re finding yourself in a thirst spell then maybe redirect your attention a little bit.
14. Be the one to play hard to get
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Everybody wants what they can’t have, right? And if no one can have you, everyone will want you. So says logic, anyway. Try it out for yourself and see how long it takes before the boys start chasing you.
15. Relax. Remember there’s no such thing as "the one"
This is a good thing! The world simply doesn’t care enough about you that they put one guy on this planet that would be the perfect match for you. In fact, that would be cruel, because statistically speaking, that man lives in a country that you will never visit. Luckily, I believe there are multiple "ones." Don’t rush it. One of the ones are bound to come along sooner or later.
| 01/29/23
