15 things you need to do before hooking up with someone

Ah, hookup culture.

Hooking up is becoming an ever-more common experience among modern culture, for better or worse.

Traditional people cringe at the thought as though secret rendez-vous haven’t been a thing since the dawn of time. Regardless of its timelessness, hooking up can also cause massive drama, exhaustion and some straight-up emotional breakdowns. Nothing kills easy, casual sex like spending the entire length of your short relationship freaking out about it the whole time.

So where’s the line? How can you communicate better with both yourself and those you hook up with? From feelings (yuck) to awkwardness and how to not stress out, we’ve got you covered.

Here are 15 things you should make sure you do before hooking up with someone.

Be confident in yourself

Sometimes, hooking up can cause anxiety. Maybe you're just nervous around the person you're hooking up with, maybe you're just nervous about hooking up in general. Head into it with a confident and assertive mind to make sure you have a more pleasurable experience.

Be straightforward about your intentions

The most important part of a good, healthy hookup is being honest about exactly what you’re looking for. Do you want someone to take you on a date? Or do you literally just want to mess around? In terms of messing around, what are you in search of? Have the conversation about what it all means before clothes come off (or at least during) so you can spend less time panicking when morning comes.

If feelings get involved, admit it

When feelings get involved, shit can really hit the fan. Whether it’s your first kiss or your hundredth, sometimes it’s the one that brings the feelings bubbling up — and makes it impossible to shut them down. If this happens, you’ve got to tell your hookup. Why? Because if they figure it out on their own, it could leave you seeming like you’re scheming to get them to go from hookup to relationship, which can seem manipulative and just sort of messed up.

Figure out how secretive you want to be about your relationship

With hookups, things get blurry when it comes to who should be in the loop about the relationship and who shouldn’t. To avoid broken hearts and hurt feelings, have the talk about if you want to be the sort of pair who looks at each other slyly from across a room, or who claims each other publically at parties.

Talk about if you want to be "exclusive"—or not

The monogamy versus polyamory debate is alive and well, and depends on the person. When it comes to hookups, some hotties just want to be your one and only. It’s up to you two (or more!) to figure out exactly what role exclusivity plays in your relationship, if anything, and how it functions on a day-to-day basis.

Release your expectations

When it comes to hooking up, it can be easy to get lost in a fantasy of what “could” be. Sexual attraction is hot, but sometimes the moment the hormones are over, so is the attraction. Regardless of how much you click right away, don’t have any expectations one way or the other and just have a good time.

Come up with the rules of your hookup

We all value flexibility in a hookup, but if you’re someone who has strict rules you like to follow when you’re sleeping with someone, make them known. No need for them to find out when you’re pissed that they didn’t text you back or bailed on a movie night.

Not into things anymore? Tell them ASAP

If you find yourself losing feelings, tell them as soon as you can. It’s really embarrassing to find out someone has been faking being into you, and can totally ruin someone’s confidence. If you need to bail, let them know so they can keep on rollin’.

Put any awkwardness out into the open

Did something totally, beyond awk happen? Just talk about it. Whether it was someone farting in bed or you walking in on them hooking up with someone else — within the guidelines of your hookup — just laugh about it and move on. No reason to freak out about it in private and then pretend the awkwardness isn’t palpable when you’re together.

Be kind to yourself

There are people out there who just aren’t into the idea of hook ups, and sometimes they can be a little judgey if you’re prone to enjoying more than a few. Who cares! We only live once, and if you want to get out there and hook up, just make the safest decisions as possible along the way and live your best life.

If they’re really into something that icks you out, let them know

Maybe they just really get off on something that you can’t get into. Don’t play along like you’re into it; just say they should maybe find someone else for that. If you’re in an open hookup situation, there’s nothing wrong with them getting what they need from more than one person.

Decide how often you want to hook up

Do you want to hook up every weekend? Every weekday? If you find yourself being a regular hookup, have that convo so that no one ends up feeling like they got ditched if you miss your Wednesday bathroom bang.

Respect each other’s privacy

When you’re having sex, shit gets real. Sometimes people fart. Sometimes people cry. Sometimes people get spontaneous periods and cry. Even if it isn’t a “relationship” relationship, you’re still unofficially agreeing to respect the privacy of the person you’re sleeping with. Don’t be that person running off and telling everyone what happened with your hookup last night and Snapping all your besties the hottie in your bed. It’s uncool, and embarrassing for all involved.

Set your boundaries and stick to them

Like coming up with rules of the hookup or telling someone if you’re just not into something they want to do, it’s important to set up boundaries in all senses of the manner. Not a cuddler? Let them know. Don’t want to be kissed there? Let them know. It’s your body, your rules, and there’s never any need to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is

So you’re hooking up with someone. It may feel like a huge deal, but in reality it’s something lots of people do. Don’t waste your time obsessing over what every little thing means, and if it’ll last. Overanalyzing is the fastest way to kill the sexy, casual vibes of a hookup.