Here' How to Use Grindr (Without Losing Your Mind)

Here's How to Use Grindr (Without Losing Your Mind)

When Grindr launched as an iOS mobile app on March 25, 2009, it revolutionized the way we meet potential partners. I mean the convenience, the options, the doomscrolling!

Not only did it offer the ease of finding locals from the convenience of an app on their phone but it also allowed people to pre-screen their dates (or hookups) and fine-tune their decision-making as to who they chose to sleep with.

Since then, “Grindr” has become something of its own culture, and not all of it is good. Many complaints come through about sexual racism, femmephobia, fat-shaming, and status-shaming, just to name a few.

That sucks, but this doesn’t mean you should avoid Grindr altogether — there are certainly some upsides to the app. If your focus is simply on maintaining your sanity while you use the app, these tips are for you.

1. Blocking is the best tool you have at your disposal

I’m always confused by friends who talk to racists or other terrible pieces of garbage on Grindr. You’re not going to change their mind, nor are they going to turn you into an awful person. Engaging with these types of guys (and taking their hatred) isn't worth it. Just block them the moment they do something awful. This is for self preservation. If you engage with every single one of these men (and God knows there are plenty on Grindr!) you’ll start to hate all men.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Guilty as charged, and then charged as guilty. It’s incredibly easy to open the app, look at a sea of men you deem “out of your league,” and then start to feel bad about yourself because of it. If any of those you deem “out of your league” then either don’t respond or offer a rude response, it’s that much easier to shut down and fall into the toxic behaviors the app can perpetuate. Anytime you’re on the app, remember that people can hide behind filters and fake photos, so stay true to who you are and be comfortable in your skin as you browse.

3. Don’t perpetuate the toxic behavior.

It does go both ways, you know. If you don’t like being told “no fats, no fems, no trans” — especially if people use those things against you when you don’t self-identify with any of those labels in the first place — then don’t do them yourself. We’re all at fault for perpetuating the toxic behavior in one way or another at some point. It’s okay to have your likes and dislikes, but there are ways to be respectful in declining someone’s interest. We usually smile, say “thank you” and carry on if something like that happens at a club. What’s the difference?

4. Don’t stay on for more than 15 minutes at any given time.

This is crucial. If you’re not paying attention to the time, you’ll realize that you’ve actually been lying on your bed, talking to guys that you’re not really that into for well over an hour. When I hop on Grindr while lounging in bed, I make sure to look at what time it is, to ensure I’m not on for longer than 15 minutes. Just think about it: 15 minutes is a long time to say, "hey. wat u into?" to random strangers.  

5. Don’t use it when you're out with other people.

When you’re with your friends at a bar, a show, or literally anywhere else, you shouldn’t be on your phone using Grindr. You should be present, talking to your friends and having fun with them. If you’re out on a date, you should definitely not be checking Grindr the moment you step into the bathroom. Don’t let Grindr take over your life! Only use it when you're alone (or while you're on the toilet)!

6. Set realistic expectations for encounters.

Sure, you can meet your boyfriend on Grindr, and what was supposed to be a quick, casual one-night stand can turn into a meaningful relationship, but don’t assume that this is going to happen. If it does, great! But you shouldn’t be looking for love when a guy comes over to bone you and is in and out of your apartment within 20 minutes. Have realistic expectations for meet-ups.

7. Don’t hop on with an antagonistic attitude.

This isn't Drag Race season 10, you're not The Vixen, and you didn’t come here to fight. You came here to meet a boy for drinks, sex, or something more. When I see profiles that read "NO FLAKES! SAY WHAT YOU WANT. TIRED OF THIS SHIT!" I can’t help but ask myself, "Why the hell are you still on this app?" Grindr should be fun, not a hassle. If you’re going in looking for a fight, you’re going to find one. Despite all the nonsense that happens on Grindr, you still should enjoy using it. If you're not, maybe it’s time for you to get off of the app altogether.

8. Relax with the drunk Grindr.

Do you go out for drinks with friends, have one too many, and end up on Grindr all night looking for some D? (Please say yes and tell me I’m not the only one who’s done this before…) If you find yourself doing this more than the occasional drunk time, then you really need to cool it. No drinking and Grindr-ing!

9. Take a break completely

If you don’t find any of these tools helpful, maybe it’s time to hop off Grindr completely. Give yourself a break from the barrage of hatred that’s seen on the app. Try to meet some people while out and about. Who knows? You may realize that you actually love life without Grindr. There’s only one way to find out!

10. Be open to the possibilities.

Even though Grindr has become a main source of hook-ups coming together, the app can be used for so many other things. If you’re traveling, you can use the app to connect with locals and find things to do (been there, done that.) If you meet up with someone and the sexual chemistry isn’t there, they can still shockingly wind up being one of your best friends (been there, done that.) Hell, if you have a product, you may even be able to sell it (been there, done that.) While having realistic expectations, stay open to other doors the app might open for you.