15 simple tips for new bottoms you need to know

Stay ready, be ready.

If you’re new to being on the receiving end of anal sex, the good news is, it only hurts if you don’t know what you’re doing. On the flip side, if you’ve never done it before, it’s likely that you have no idea what’s going on down there. Being penetrated is a completely new bodily sensation that takes time and practice.

Since modern sex ed fails to cover same-sex or anal play, mainstream media tends to treat the topic as taboo. As it is, here are 15 tips that are sure to help you find all the joys bottoming can give.

1. Let go of the shame

There's a lot of stigma and shame around being a bottom. It takes submissiveness and allowing someone else to be in control (for the most part, anyway). If you stay wrapped up in the bottom shaming, it's more likely to lead to resistance. Remember, you're actually the more powerful one in the situation, and you should be proud!

2. Lube is your best friend

There's no such thing as too much lube. Especially for your first few times, you want to be as lubricated as possible, to help your man slip right in.

3. Cut your fingernails

Are they cut now? Good. Now cut them shorter and file the jagged edges. You will want finger yourself to loosen up, and long nails could scratch you. Your nails can’t be too short.

4. Practice in the shower

Now that your nails are freshly manicured, practice fingering yourself in the shower. It will help you get used to the sensation and prepare you for the real deal.

5. Fight the urge to clench

Your natural response will be to clench. You need to fight this urge, but you don’t need to push out either; you just need to relax. Your body will naturally loosen up with repeated penetration.

6. There is pleasure (after the pain)

As stated above, bottoming can hurt. If you’re newer to bottoming or just scared to try, just go into it knowing that there is pleasure after the pain. Practicing certainly helps so you can be at least a little aware of what you’re getting yourself into, but there’s nothing quite like the real thing once it goes down. Just be kind to yourself and enjoy the process.

7. Go slow

Take your time to get the whole thing inside you. Don’t start off by letting your partner ram you. Take as much time as you need to get comfortable, and when things start to feel good, then, and only then, you can ask him to go a little faster and harder (if you’d like).

8. Just breathe

This is a super important tip. A lot of times, especially when there’s a little pain, our natural reaction is just to tense up and stop breathing. Slow your breathing at the beginning of sex and focus on nice, long exhales. It will help you stay calm and remind your parasympathetic nervous system that you’re in a safe space.

9. Pee beforehand

The first time I bottomed, I was convinced I had to pee repeatedly. Also, side note, the harder you’re penetrated, the more it feels like you have to pee. This is due to the prostate stimulation. So pee beforehand, and expect that feeling to occur. You’ll understand the sensation more with practice.

10. It can feel like you’re pooping

The only other experience you’ve had with your anus thus far in life is pooping. So it’s no surprise that, in the beginning, it often feels like you’re pooping (which is also why you feel a natural urge to clench). The association with pooping will go away with repeated experience.

11. Clean beforehand

This has more to do with psychological pleasure. You won’t be fully present in the moment or enjoy it if you’re worried you’re unclean. You can use an enema if you’d like, but it’s often unnecessary. A soapy finger or baby wipes works too. You can also gently flush the area out with a slender ear syringe. It uses less water than an enema or douche and can clean you out fully.

12. Play around with positions

Maybe you tried out doggy and it’s not your favorite thing. Or perhaps you’re on your back, on your side, or trying out what it’s like to be on top. One way or the other, regardless of your position — you are in control. If one spot’s not working, try another one. It’s the only way you’ll be able to find your favorite position, and once you do, there’s no stopping you from there.

13. Express exactly what you want

Communicate what feels good and what hurts. Tell him to go faster or slower or to switch positions. Especially for a first-timer, the bottom needs to be vocal and in control. Anal sex feels different for everyone and there’s no way your top will know what feels good without you directly communicating your needs and desires.

14. Find an understanding top

If you’ve never bottomed before, it can be intimidating. Some men may take advantage of you, and others may fantasize over being your first. Regardless, you should feel comfortable during your experimentation. If you’re not ready for the real deal, keep practicing until you are. Otherwise, find a top who actually knows how to communicate and let it grow from there (no pun intended.)

15. Wear a condom

And of course, safe sex is pleasurable sex. Always wrap it up.