10 Ways To Shut Down A Bad Grindr Date
| 07/17/23
ZacharyZane_
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I don’t think this is a problem for everyone...
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...but it's sometimes hard for me to find the courage to tell a Grindr hookup to leave when I just wasn’t feeling it (I’ve realized it’s a lot easier said than done). To try to make things easier for you, here are 7 tips I’ve learned to shut down mediocre (and just plain terrible) Grindr encounters...
1. Vet him first
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This is actually more about avoiding the hookup instead of shutting it down once it’s started, but you should maybe know at least one thing about him before hooking up. Sure, anon play is a fun thing sometimes, but if all you’ve gotten is an, ahem, spicy pic and a location, you can’t be too surprised if it winds up being not the best experience.
2. Know your boundaries
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And stick to them! It’s your life and your body, so if there’s anything going down that you’re not comfortable with, know your boundaries and set the limits. If they’re not respected, they’re not worth it anyway!
3. Meet up first
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The shock of the suggestion, I know! But instead of jumping straight into bed, maybe grab a coffee first or something. It doesn’t have to be for relationship purposes, but it could also add a lot to the whole “vetting him first” idea.
4. Go over to his place when you can
It’s a lot easier to leave than to kick someone out. You can just say, 'Hey, I’m not really feeling this. I’m going to go.' Sure, he’ll be annoyed, but like, he can’t hold you hostage. Just pick up your shit and get the hell out.
5. Don’t let him inside your apartment
There needs to be another word for a more subtle form of cat-fishing. Where’s it not that he’s a completely different person, it’s just that the picture was clearly from a long time ago and/or his body no longer looks like the photos he sent you. If this is the case, don’t let him in. If you can see him through your little peephole, don’t even answer the door. You can shoot a message explaining why or not. But remember, he blatantly lied to you. You don’t owe him an explanation.
6. Seriously don’t let him inside your apartment
Let’s say you don’t have a peephole, so you can’t quite see him. You open the door, only to see he looks nothing like his photos. Say, 'Hey, you don’t look like your photos. I’m not feeling it.' and then shut the door on him. Again this is HIS fault. He lied to you. Don’t feel an ounce of remorse or guilt.
7. If you’re bottoming...
Okay, so let’s say he drops his pants, and for whatever the reason you don’t like what you see. Maybe he falsely advertised. Maybe it’s something else entirely. Now ain’t it just the funniest thing, but all of a sudden your stomach really hurts! You're feeling incredibly bloated and gassy. I guess you have no choice but to rain check.
8. When he lingers...
I always give myself an escape route now. I say I have something to do later but he should still come over. That way, if he lingers after, and I want him to GTFO, I can refer back to my prior commitment. But let’s say you didn’t say anything to him prior. He just wants to cuddle after sex. (Cute in theory. Not always cute in actuality.) Tell him you have shit to do. You need to be an adult. Doesn’t matter what. Laundry. Work. Gym. He’ll get the message...(hopefully).
9. Be a little pickier with who you invite over
If you start to notice that shitty Grindr hookups are become a regular thing for you—something that’s happening more than once in a blue moon—then I’d say you need to figure out a new system for choosing who you invite over to your place. A bad Grindr hookup is inevitable no matter what you do, but it shouldn’t be like every single time, ya know?
10. “This isn’t working.”
You’re sexually autonomous and proud. Part of choosing that life is knowing how to get out of a bad hookup. Just say something. Anything. Literally anything. 'This isn’t working.' 'I’m not feeling this.' 'I’m no longer down.' While a large part of sexual freedom is saying 'yes,' an equally large part is learning when to say, 'Oh, hell no!' If you can’t say, 'no,' maybe you should reevaluate some things.
