15 signs you're actually ready to be friends with your ex

Yes, it's totally possible to be friends with your ex.

Regardless of sexual orientation, a number of people claim they want to be friends with their ex, especially when nothing "bad" happened in the relationship (i.e. he didn’t cheat on you, abuse you, take advantage of you, etc).

Generally, gay men tend to be good at being friends with their exes. This has more to do with the fact that our gay social circle is so small, that often, we can’t really avoid our ex. So we almost have to be on amiable terms.

Nevertheless, here are 15 signs that you are ACTUALLY ready to be friends with your ex.

1. You're in another relationship

Once you commit to someone else, it's likely you'll be completely over your ex. It might still get a little hazy if you're crushing on someone (we'll get to that later), but if you're in a full-on relationship with someone else and he's okay with it, you might be ready to be friends with your ex.

2. Time heals

It's super cliché but it's also pretty true. Time heals wounds, and sometimes all you need is a little time to rest and digest what happened so you can move forward onto something bigger and better.

3. The two of you talk it out

This could really lead to anything, to be honest, but communication is good, even when you're takling to an ex. If you're both interested and willing to maintain a friendship, talking it out is one of the best ways to make sure you do so.

4. You've stopped fantasizing about him

He may cross your mind every so often, of course, and if you’re going to be friends, he’ll be around. That said, if you’re still caught up in fantasies of him, you may not quite be ready to just be friends.

5. You don't have any unfinished business

There’s been closure here, on both sides. Regardless of how the breakup actually went down, you can only ever move forward as friends if you don’t have any unfinished business festering underneath.

6. The idea of him dating someone else doesn’t make you want to vomit

Real friends don’t get jealous when their friend starts dating someone new. In fact, they’re happy to see that their friend has found someone romantic to share their life with. If the idea of him dating someone else makes you want to scream, vomit, or punch him in the face, then obviously, you’re not ready to be friends with him.

7. You’re not sleeping together

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard friends say, "We broke up. We’re just friends now who sometimes sleep together." Do you know how many times this actually has worked out in the long term? Never. Literally never. Sure, friends with benefit is absolutely a thing. Friends with benefits with your ex is not.

8. Your breakup wasn’t messy

You didn’t scream or say you hated each other. You didn’t break up because he was emotionally or physically abusive. You broke up because he was wasn’t the right romantic person for you.

9. You’re not stalking him on social media

This means you’re clearly not over him as a lover, so you’re definitely not ready to friends with him.

10. Somewhere deep inside, you don't think there’s a chance you’ll get back together

Be 100% honest with yourself. If you have no desire or hope to ever get back together with him, then (and only then) you can be real friends.

11. Your communication was strong during the relationship

Communication isn’t just needed in a romantic relationship, it’s needed among friends too. If you were poor communicators while dating, then you really shouldn't attempt being friends with your ex.

12. He can talk to you about his sex life/crushes

The two of you should be able to talk to each other about other guys (respectfully, of course). He shouldn’t be like, "I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and everyone else I’ve dated has been such a dud." That’s just rude. But if you can both talk about new crushes with excitement (while still not belittling your past relationship) then you are golden.

13. You aren’t filled with resentment & you've forgiven him

No matter how perfect he is, he still likely did something while you two were dating that hurt you. In order to be friends with him, you can’t resent his past mistakes. You need to have forgiven him.

14. You’re crushing on someone else

In Christopher Isherwood’s classic gay novel A Single Man, he writes, "My mother says lovers are like buses. You just have to wait a little while and another one comes along." This quote has really resonated with me. There will be more people in your life that you will love. When you start liking/crushing/dating someone else, it’s a lot easier to be friends with your ex.

15. You miss the friendship, not the love

You miss hanging out and gossiping and watching movies and being friends. You don’t miss the sex, the deep emotional intimacy, or the love that you two had for one another.