20 girls every queer 2000s kid secretly crushed on
| 02/08/24
prestonmaxallen
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New Line Cinema; Universal Pictures/Summit Entertainment; Disney
Those of us who blossomed into queerness in the 2000s certainly had a lot of fictional crushes to welcome us to the club. The 2000s were a time where the obsession-worthy women were as wonderful as the fashion was questionable. There were so many awesome, inteilligent, sharp-witted characters on our TVs and in our favorite movies (and one very real person in Paramore) that we kept falling in love with over and over again. This is just a small selection of what could be a potentially endless list, but they're all close to our hearts and we hope many of yours as well.
Warner Brothers Pictures
Sarah Michelle Gellar was already on the top of people's crush lists in the late '90s and early '00s thanks to her stint as Buffy on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but her charming depiction of Daphne in the live action remake of Scooby Doo will always be one of her better performances. She brought Daphne's sexiness, with, and mixture of heroine and damsel in distress for both films, and everyone loved it.
New Line Cinema
Remember when Beyoncé did movies? Really, "Beyoncé" is the full category here, because the 2000s is when she stepped away from Destiny's Child and into her solo career where, more than 20 years later, she is Beyoncé. But still, Foxy Cleopatra from Austin Powers: Goldmember was the singer's most popular role, and everybody wanted to be here when she first came out.
Disney
The ultimate rags to riches story. Everybody wants to be a nerdy teen with frizzed-out hair who finds out that Julie Andrews is their grandmother and they're actually destined for a crown and castle in a country no one's ever heard of (and yes, I know it's actually a fictional country.) Still, this hilarious flick featured Anne Hathaway in one of her earliest roles and established her as one of the megastars in Hollywood she is today.
Universal Pictures/Summit Entertainment
Technically the first American Pie movie came out in 1999, but it and its sequels were major parts of the early 2000s. One of the most quotable scenes that's still used in modern day is none other than Alyson Hannigan as Michelle Flaherty innocently stating, "This one time, at band camp, I shoved a flute up my --" Well, you know.
New Line Cinema
The Lord of the Rings films were some of the most incredible and groundbreaking movies when they released, and Liv Tyler's performance as Arwen was beloved by many. Although her character doesn't appear as much in the books, her love story with Aragorn in the films was intriguing, and Tyler's elven voice couldn't have been any better.
Oh, Janis Ian. Her dry deliveries were as on point as her eyeliner. She was the master of sass and witty comebacks. We spent a lot of Mean Girls struggling to comprehend why Cady would remotely want to be friends with anyone else (and also how on earth Janis ended up with Kevin G). We're definitely not afraid to admit we had a big girl crush on her.
It's pretty safe to call Hayley Williams a 2000s queer girl's icon at this point. That bright orange hair, insanely strong rock belt, and endless onstage energy catapulted her onto radars everywhere (and onto school binders via homemade collage, in some cases...). Paramore became a massively successful band, and to this day we can't help but headbang a bit when "Misery Business" comes on and reminds of us our fondest rockstar memories.
To be fair, we're not hating on Twilight. But many 2000s kiddos caught on to K-Stew long before Rob Pattinson sunk his fangs into her. Her star turns in heavily dramas like Panic Room and Speak caught our attention, and from then on it didn't matter if the movie was good or bad, it just mattered if K-Stew was brooding somewhere on screen. The Messengers, Zathura, Catch That Kid, Into the Wild, The Cake Eaters - we were here for it all. With every intense flip of her hair she flipped her way into her our hearts, and she'll probably stay there forever.
If you haven't heard of Dark Angel, you're certainly in the majority, but if you have then chances are you are absolutely in love with Max Guevera. Max was a genetically-enhanced experiment with cat DNA who was swoon-worthingly good at kicking ass, had a great sense of humor, and was totally all about taking care of her friends first. They just don't make 'em like Dark Angel anymore, even though when they did people didn't watch it. Tragic.
Don't make us choose between Spencer and Ashley, please. The two South of Nowhere leads couldn't have been more different, but when they fell in love, everything seemed right in the world. To this day 2000s kids will fondly remember Spashley as the essential OTP of basically the decade.
Literally the only reason Harry and Ron were able to make it of so many dangerous situations alive was because Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age, knew exactly what to do. Passionate, intelligent, vulnerable, and totally badass, Hermione became our dream witch in every way, and we got to grow up watching her become more and more awesome. Harry, we love you, but Hermione takes front and center every time.
Elliot Page love is a forever kind of love. Juno MacGuff was spikey, spunky, and deeply sarcastic, but under her tough exterior was a charming and vulnerable young woman whose every word we clung to. Sure, Juno was going through a very straight-angled ordeal, but our queer souls adored Elliot Page early on and our hearts leapt with joy when he came out.
She transferred from Los Angeles, her school had no gymnastic teams, this was a last resort. However, Missy was definitely the first person we'd pick to be on our cheer team. She definitely 'brought it on' every time.
The smarts, the sass, the puns. Veronica Mars was protagonist perfection packed with so much to love and so much to mourn when the show got cancelled prematurely. Of course, we knew we weren't alone in our love when the team's 2013 Kickstarter exceeded all expectations and led to a fantastic follow-up film. See? The 2000s were so great people spent actual money trying to get them back. And it worked.
Those of us who lived for the Buffyverse gleefully welcomed Firefly into our lives, and no character moreso than fierce first mate Zoe Washburne. She was loyal to her crew but followed her own moral compass above all else, was an exceptionally expert fighter, and often saved the day. She wasn't just one of Joss Whedon's strongest and most layered female leads, but one of the strongest on TV. She's a crush and a role model, and we'd definitely work hard to make this reboot happen!
Jess may have desperately wanted to bend it like Beckham, but we were just all about Jess. She was a ridiculously talented and driven football player (it's not an American movie, dammit!) who struggled very realistically against what her family wanted from her - which many of us may have related to in a different context. Our one regret was Jules' mom being in wrong in thinking Jess and Jules were hooking up. If only.
As a fairly young kid trying to understand Donnie Darko there was little that could be confidently comprehended. However, the fact that Gretchen Ross was the passive/angsty 2000s dream girl came across loud and clear. Then came Saved!, where Jena's turn as a desperate, pregnant religious girl cemented her place in our 2000s crush archives forever. And now with her role as fearsome warrior Joanna Mason in Hunger Games, we're sure we've been right all along. Jena Malone forever.
One of the greatest things about Carmen Cortez was that she was pretty much our age in that decade, so we felt like she could just be an awesome friend. And that maybe we could be Spy Kids too - even though realistically we accepted there was no way we could really handle it. Carmen was the coolest kid ever as far as we were concerned, and Spy Kids was basically a classic.
No, not Cheetah Girls. Cheetah sisters. It was a bond that couldn't be broken (except when Raven left and it was more or less broken) and a soundtrack we didn't want to turn off. They also managed to make 3 movies in only the course of 2003 - 2008, so between that and their bevy of albums, they pretty much owned the 2000s. If only ALL our favorite girl bands had Disney Channel films. But hey, at least we can still catch Raven on The View.
Forget all the other pirates in the Caribbean. Seriously, if this franchise put as much energy into involving Keira Knightley as it does into Johnny Depp, we might actually care. We watched with jaws agape as Elizabeth went from timid rich kid with a corset problem to swashbuckling pirate king. She was brave, bold, and knew how to swordfight. What more could we possibly want?
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.