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Lesbian

No One Cares If You're a 'Gold Star' Lesbian

The term is biphobic, it's cissexist, and it's misogynistic all in one.

Rachel Charlene Lewis

Rachel Charlene Lewis is a writer, editor, and queer woman of color based in North Carolina. Her writing has most recently appeared in Ravishly, Hello Giggles, and elsewhere.

Read Full Bio

Rachel Charlene Lewis

RachelCharleneL

February 27 2018 2:11 PM EST

December 09 2022 9:12 AM EST

Photo: Brooke Cagle

Gold Star. It’s the phrase that just won’t die. From queer media, to the queer women in our everyday lives, we hear it over, and over, and over again, despite the problematic nature of the term. Not only is it biphobic AND misogynistic as hell, but it makes it seem like there’s something better about having never-had-penis-in-vagina sex. Oh, and it’s cissexist, because it for sure does the penis = man thing.

Basically: UGH. Let’s just remove it from our vocabulary forever and ever.

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We’re not the only ones who hate it.

i hate the concept of a "gold star" lesbian
— bones || 17 (@bonesholtzmann) August 14, 2016

\u201chey! did you know that nothing is more annoying than lesbian subcategories like lipstick and chapstick and gold star etc etc? now u know!\u201d
— alice \ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\uddf1 (@alice \ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\uddf1) 1471048746

— (@)

Some just think it’s really effing annoying.

— (@)

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Some people think it’s not so bad.

\u201cBeing a gold star lesbian is like being the main character in a horror movie who saw the ghost first and no one believes you\u201d
— Sabrina (@Sabrina) 1471192771

While others remind us that it simply isn’t a requirement to be queer.

None
— Unique Maloy (@Unique Maloy) 1470950644

And that, at the end of the day, your sexual history isn’t anyone’s business.

I hate when people ask the "are you a gold star lesbian" question...that's so weird mind ya business.
— n (@tragicmuIatto) August 2, 2016

On the bright side, some people are shifting the term in a way that’s actually pretty cool.

\u201c"gold star lesbian" now means a lesbian that's a good partner to a trans girl. that's just how it is, i don't make the rules\u201d
— Joanna (@Joanna) 1469890773

If you want to call yourself a Gold Star, we're not going to stop you. But don't get a superiority complex about it. It's not cool.