12 Awkward Moments in Katherine Heigl's Same-Sex Wedding Movie

I’m sure you aren’t looking for someone who endured the most uncomfortable lesbian movie made — Jenny’s Wedding, starring Katherine Heigl and Alexis Bledel — to tell you all about it, but guess what? You’ve found her and there is literally no descriptive phrase that isn’t harsh or inflammatory coming to mind when I’m trying to tell you about this.

I don’t know how Bustle’s critique of Jenny’s Wedding managed to be so positive. I wouldn’t believe we watched the same movie except for the fact that all the awkward moments were mentioned except the author never mentioned how terribly awkward they were. And they were. They were terribly awkward.

1. It starts off with a scene where her mom and dad talk about the fact that her clock is ticking?

Can we please not do that?

2. And whose idea was it to have a women speculate about her lesbian feelings when the priest baptizing her brother’s kid asks if she will deny all of the “perversions of Satan?”

Don’t do that. That is so uncomfortable.

3. Who thought two straight (and, dare I say, bland) women would make a good lesbian couple?

What we get is the wooden acting that gives me flashbacks of myself trying to “act” in middle school. It’s not pretty. Nobody wants to watch it, and above all else, it isn’t believable.

4. Contrary to what the title might imply, why does this movie have barely anything to do with Jenny’s wedding?

This movie is about a brittle and closed-off family coping with their daughter coming out late in life. Just in case you didn’t get that from the title Jenny's Wedding.

5. Expect a lot of very intimate talks a lesbian couple would have, about things like acceptance and coming out and feeling loved to feel super weird and platonic.

And understand that I don’t want to blame either the actresses or the director here, because they’re all women, but I’m calling a spade a spade. Someone messed up here.

6. Weird, awkward kisses. Lots of cringe-worthy kisses.

I feel like they nailed one believable kiss, one time, but it was so fleeting I don’t even remember at what point it was in the movie.

7. There’s a moment when her dad says, “All you can do is what you do.”

Like, WTF does that mean? No, sir. No.

8. Also, Jenny’s sister has a personal journey involving a realization that happy people don’t have dead grass, which is actually a metaphor for her unhappiness in her marriage.

Because inside, her grass needs to be green. Not kidding. This is very serious, everyone.

9. There’s also a scene where Jenny’s dad says “I don’t even know what you two do in bed” and then something about it being because they’re both “so feminine.”

Really? Like, I know this happens and this story needs to be told, but this is done in such an inauthentic way. No, no, no.

10. You will never learn anything about Jenny’s partner, Kitty (played by Bledel), or about her coming out, her feelings toward Jenny’s insistence on being closeted, or what her family life is like at all.

In case you haven’t figured it out, nobody cares about the two lesbians in the film. Which is probably why they picked these actresses.

11. There’s a terrible montage mid-movie where everyone in the family is shown having a hard moment that really frustrates them, to an super weird song that makes no sense whatsoever.

Except the brother isn’t in the montage, because the brother is also basically invisible in this movie.

12. When they finally do get married, there only one slightly believable-looking lesbian couple in attendance.

My guess is these are the women Jenny and Kitty’s characters are based on.

All in all, I feel bad that I disliked this movie so much, because it was directed by a woman and is a true story. I recognize that the story of two feminine women falling in love and wanting to live a traditional life is an important one to tell, but it needs to be done well. If I have any endorsement at all, it still made me cry, but I still cry at Lilo & Stitch, so take that endorsement with a couple grains of salt. Watch at your leisure and then tweet me what you thought!

Briana Gonzalez lives in San Francisco with her girlfriend and their two pugs. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.