5 Tips on How to Attract Women as a Femme Lesbian

As a femme, finding out women “in the wild" can be hard. But, when you’re in a gay club, you’re viewed as a tourist. So what’s a (girly) girl to do?

Well,  I had the same problem when I first came out. I have long hair, dress like a '70s mom and have the ability to walk in heels, which surely makes me straight. Right? The outlook seems bleak.

Fortunately, I have a secret weapon: my twin sister is also gay (no, we won't be in your "movie") and has all the answers. 

1. Heels or Hair

“Make a choice.” My twin advised me on our first Outing (get it?). “You can either wear stiletto’s or sport celeb locks, but not both.”

Apparently, having Mariah Carey hair (she’s still around, right?) while tottering around in high heels is a no-go. So if you’re set on stilettos, then maybe go with a more “up-and-out” hairstyle. If you can’t resist the tumbling tresses, it’s got to be flats. As for me and my twin, we compromised. I invested in grey, leather, lace-up stiletto boots and we agreed not to argue about whether they were “gay enough."

2. Eye Wear 
“Take those off” my twin barked at me, mortified, as I started attaching little sparkly sequins to the corners of my eyes.

It seems that, even if you’re femme on the streets, you may need to butch it up a bit to attract attention on the scene. When my twin first took me to a gay club, I met my first ever real life lesbian. She was the choppy-fringed sort with all-the-eyeliner-she-ever-owned on and quickly gave me a “gay-over” (not as fun as it sounds), which included a seriously smoky eye. And it worked! I immediately looked like I had that Shane-from-The-L-Word scowl.

SHORTCUT - The (soon to be) classic Alex Vause Eye-Wear will do the trick. Every. Damn. Time.

3. Lesbian Hands 
The first piece of advice my sister gave me was “cut your nails,” and “if you must wear a ring, wear it on your thumb.”

So I had no idea, but apparently "lesbian hands" are a thing? Aside from the obvious practicalities of short nails (don’t make me say it), having neatly trimmed and homo-friendly hands are a big giveaway in gay land. So no statement flower rings or sparkly bangles. Less-is-more for lesbian hands.

4.  Hats 
According to my sister, “the quickest way to look gay is a beanie.”

My twin and I have matching straw boater hats. Yes, we think that’s cool. Although this may be a contributing factor to why we’re both single.

5. What You Drink
My sister always says, “Here, drink this. And, stop being so f**king dainty. Drink it like you’re watching baseball.” She constantly ignores my request for a white wine spritzer and hands me a bottle of beer.

Since that first experience, I’ve learned a lot about etiquette in lesbian land, and the truth is … the rules keep changing. At the end of the day, the woman who’s looking for you doesn’t want you dressed up like someone else.