7 Things That Bisexual People Are Tired of Hearing

Seriously, just stop.

Despite the beautiful “B” in LGBTQ, bisexuals still get asked a bunch of bullshit. And it’s not just from straight people. Plenty of gays and lesbians misunderstand the bisexual community as well. These misunderstandings lead to some annoying as hell questions, such as, “Don’t you think you’re reinforcing the gender binary?” (No, bisexuals date non-binary folks too.) Or “Oh that’s hot, so want to have a threesome later?” (Not with you, dude! That last question mostly comes from cishet dudes. PRIDE readers are well-educated in the art and etiquette of threesomes.)

So, step into that wokeness, and don’t ask me if I’m straight now just because you see me on a date with someone whose gender doesn’t match my own. Read on to learn seven things that bisexuals are tired of hearing, remember them, and then never ask us them again. Thanks!

1. “You’re going through a phase.”

Bisexuality is a very real sexual orientation. There are some people who may originally identify as bi, and later identify as gay. This is not true for all bisexuals. Many identify as bi their entire life. You wouldn’t say that straightness is a “phase” because someone identified as heterosexual before figuring out their sexuality and coming out as gay. So give bisexuality some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

2. “You’re reinforcing the gender binary.”

Of all the things bisexuals are tired of hearing, this must be the most damaging and hurtful, possibly because it often comes within the queer community. Words evolve. Bisexuality refers to an attraction to all genders. That means that bisexual people sleep with, date, fall in love with, and marry non-binary and trans folks. End of story.

3. “You’re incapable of monogamy.”

Bisexuality is not an interchangeable word for polyamory.  Some bi people are polyamorous and enjoy healthy, consensual non-monogamy. Other bi people are monogamous and enjoy hot as hell relationships with just one other person. It’s almost like we’re just like literally every other orientation in this regard.

4. “I’ve always wanted to have a threesome.”

Ew. Special shout out to the straight men on this one. Like 96 percent of cishet straight men can’t go on a date with a bi woman without trying to order a threesome along with their beer. Some bi people love threesomes, and their attraction to all genders can come in handy during group sex. Other bi people find threesomes awkward and not worth the trouble. Once again, bisexual people are just like straight or gay people when it comes to threesomes. Some love ‘em, others could leave ‘em.

5. “So, you’re straight/gay now?”

Since bisexual people are romantically and physically attracted to people of all genders, that means that we’re going to date and have sex with people of all genders. Ugh, no, not at the same time (unless you want to!), please see previous slide. As a bi woman, I’ve dated gay women, straight men, bi men, and non-binary queer folks. I’m still bi regardless of who my current partner is. If anything, being bisexual truly teaches you that when it comes to falling in love, it is all about the person and not their genitals.

6. “I’ll never be able to satisfy you.”

If a bisexual person is with you, they’re into you. They’re with you because they want to be. They don’t want every other person they “see on the street,” as is so often asked of us. Trust that your bi lover is self-aware enough to know what they want, and that’s you. Once again, this misconception acts like straight and gay people don’t cheat and only the bi community is unfaithful. An attraction to more than one gender does not mean that we’re incapable of sexual satisfaction from one partner (or partners if you’re poly), rather quite the opposite. Often bisexual people have a very solid understanding of their sexual and romantic desires due to the sexual self-reflection forced upon us by society.

7. “Everyone is bi.”

There was a study that showed that some people who identify as straight show sexual arousal when they watch gay porn. (I should hope so. Lesbian porn is hot AF.) Yes, sexual orientation is a spectrum. However, there is a big difference between getting turned on by porn and identifying and living as a bisexual. The former simply shows you have functioning genitals, the latter is an orientation.