20 hairy situations every hairy man understands
| 02/01/24
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Which head did that hair fall from?
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Are you a bear? An otter? A cub? A hairy gay/bi man who hates identifying as an animal simply because of his surplus of hair? It doesn’t matter. Regardless of how you identify, there are a few problems only furry men experience. Here are 20 hairy situations (pun intended) only fuzzy men know and (sometimes) love.
People think they can rub you
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There's a time and a place, but just because my chest is hairy doesn't mean you can touch it at your leisure.
Being bald but hairy everywhere else
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Thick beard, back hair, and the rest of your body is covered with it, but there's nothing up on top.
Wanting to be smooth
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We all want what we can't have. Shaving, waxing, and everything in between is so much harder to keep up with when you're hairy.
Body heat
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It's just like dogs with fur panting more in the heat than dogs with hair. The more you're covered, the hotter it is.
Being emasculated
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People definitely expect men with hair to be the most masculine in the room, and sometimes that can be a little overwhelming (and a bit annoying.)
Judgment and/or jealousy
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This one is sort of dependent on where you are in life. If you’re like me and got hairy during your teen years when you’re supposed to be a smooth twink, everyone judges you. Once you’re in your mid-twenties and beyond, everyone wishes they had it.
Shedding
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All the time. It’s a part of us. Everywhere you go, you take a little piece
of us. Think of it as a gift.
Finding hair in your mouth
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Which is unpleasant. Flossing with beard hair isn’t exactly sexy or the most
hygienic method.
Snot in beard
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It just happens. There’s not much you can really do about it. Just use a million
tissues.
Finding crumbs in your chest
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How many times have you woken up hungover with popcorn, Cheez-Its, or Doritos in your chest hair? Be honest.
Wiping
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It’s like trying to get peanut butter out of sheep’s wool.
Hygiene in general
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When you have a forest of hair down there, cleansing your body is a lot more
complicated.
Being weirdly fetishized
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to hairy men (I’m also attracted to hairless
men). And unlike many racist things men wrongly consider “preferences,” I think this one is legitimate. But some guys get a little too into it. Guys on Grindr ask me for picture of my hairy B-hole daily.
People assume they can touch
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Yes, I am hairy. Yes, my shirt is off. That doesn’t mean you get to automatically
touch my furry body without asking.
The trimming dilemma
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To trim or not to trim? That is the question.
Hair pokes through your swimsuit
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Maybe it’s only the cheap ones.
Deciding on facial hair styles
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Beard, goatee, mustache, five o’clock shadow, mutton chops. So many options. So many variations.
Beard burn
You can give (or get) beard rash from kissing a man with scruff, so bun it up for those intense make out sessions.
Spending an obscene amount of money on razors
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Those things ain’t cheap.
Always running out of conditioner
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Gotta keep everything soft.
