15 Questions About Throuple Relationships Answered by Derrick Barry Herself

Alternative relationships and visibility surrounding them have been on the rise among the LGBT+ community over the last couple years, thrusting new forms of partnership into the main stream dating pool.

One particular advocate, who is currently part of a monogamous throuple (meaning three people exclusively see each other) is none other than the princess of drag-pop herself Derrick Barry. Currently in a relationship with two men, Nick San Pedro and Mackenzie Claude, the Drag Race alum sat down with us to clear up misconceptions and shed light on this alt partnership. 

1. Describe the moment you personally decided to commit to a throuple relationship. Were two of you already in a relationship and added a third?

Mackenzie Claude was actually the one that suggested it and asked, "Will you guys be my boyfriends?" Artist Nick San Pedro and I had been together for 5 years when we met Mack and the three of us started hanging out almost everyday. This was more than a friendship, then more than a hookup. The three of us had all developed feelings. In March 2017, Nick & I are celebrating 10 years & 5 with Mack.

2. What’s the biggest advantage of being in a throuple?

It's like having a threesome every night! That was obviously the fun in the beginning. It's transcended into much more than just great sex. We're a team. I'm inspired by their creativity and they help elevate mine.

3. What’s the biggest downfall of being in a throuple?

There are three personalities in every situation. Sometimes, it's hard enough for two people to agree so imagine three.

4. If two of you are in a fight, does the third party take a side? Do you ever feel like it’s two vs. one?

I think it's actually beneficial to have a 3rd opinion during a fight, argument or disagreement. This one can act as a mediator. It doesn't work that way in every situation, but I've seen things resolved more easily & quickly if one of us helps alleviate some of the tension.

5. Do you all sleep in the same bed?

Yes, we upgraded from a Queen to a King size bed not too long after we starting seeing Mack. He prefers to sleep in the middle. I actually met someone that needs the attention more than me.

6. Do you have designated one-on-one time set aside for each of your lovers and vice-versa?

It's always the three of us. Unlike "Sister Wives", we are not "Brother Husbands". There are times two of us are alone together or travel in a pair, but it's never done intentionally.

7. What’s one thing all partners need in order to have a healthy, successful throuple relationship?

Communication is key. It sounds so cliche, but I get it. Honesty, loyalty, and trust go hand in hand. 

8. What’s your one tip for any person committing to a throuple?

Believe in the natural progression of the relationship. This should feel organic with nothing forced. I'm not sure that looking for a 3rd is even possible. Unless the stars align and you find someone that happens to be looking to be the 3rd.

9. Is there a rule where you all must make love together – or are you allowed to make love one-on-one?

In the beginning, there were certain rules that were established so that no one felt left out. Now it's pretty simple. If you're home & awake, just inform the other person and invite them to join the party.

10. Is it possible to love your partners 100% equally?

Yes, but it different ways. Nick's such a creative & compassionate force for me. He's my best friend & we spend every moment together. Mack makes me think and challenges me to do more. He also laughs at everything I do or say and keeps me entertained. They're both extremely funny, and a sense of humor is so important. They both take care of me and help me in my daily life. I can't imagine living life without either of them.

11. Is everyone considered 100% equal when it comes to the overall relationship? Is there a such thing as the ‘alpha’ of the relationship?

We all have our moments, but we treat each other 100% equally. It takes a strong & confident person to be in this kind of relationship. I'm assuming we each think we're the 'alpha' and maybe that's the key to it being successful.

12. How do you deal with jealousy within your relationship?

It's outside the relationship that's the problem. I can't believe how many people hit on all of us knowing that we're together. I've had exes or friends hit on Mack when Nick and I are out of town. I'm not surprised. People want what they can't have. They enjoy a chase. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or envy, but I know some people want to tear us apart. Then we have to deal with people that disagree with our relationship. We've always said, "We don't expect you to know how to keep two boyfriends when you can't even keep one."

13. What’s the biggest misconception about being in a throuple?

The biggest misconception is that this is an open relationship. We call ourselves trinogamous. It's an unconventional traditional relationship. We're pretty much just like a couple, but instead a throuple.

14. What was your family’s reaction to you being in love with two men at the same time?

My whole family loves them! My Dad has been the most accepting. I couldn't ask for a better Dad. If there's some family that doesn't accept it, then I'm not interested in their negative energy and judgement. I've had enough of that for being gay. I'm only looking for unconditional love from my family members. I've had to fight all of my life because I was "different." I'm not giving in now.

15. Do you consider yourself polyamorous? Hypothetically, if this relationship didn’t work out, would you seek out another throuple relationship? 

This is a form of poly because there are three of us. I'm honored that we receive positive messagesand feedback that we've inspired other three-way relationships. Life is too short to live your life according to someone else's standards. Do what makes you happy and live your life for you. It doesn't even cross my mind if I would ever seek out another throuple because I only see this one in my future. I'm blessed to have fallen in love with these two men and I thank the universe everyday that I did.