Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based sex and dating expert, columnist, activist, and author of 'Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto' and co-author of 'Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever.'
These are the awkward moments you love. The awkward moments you live for. The awkward moments that make hooking up with a man so sweet. So special. So hot. Here are 10 even more awkward moments you have during man-on-man sex. Missed the first 25? Parts I and II. No worries, find out what they are.
Our expert offers tips and tricks for how to heal an anal fissure when you're a busy bottom.
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You’ve probably heard someone mention anal fissures at some point in your life...
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...and if you’re a bottom, you may very well have already had them.
So what exactly are they? Anal fissures are small tears in the thin, moist tissue (mucosa) that lines your anus. Most (straight) people get them from very large bowel movements. But if you’re a bottom, you’re at a higher risk for them, especially if your partner is a power driller who uses his large tool tactlessly.
“While anal fissures are often associated with anal sex, they’re not exclusive to gay men,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, the leading anal health expert in the United States, tells PRIDE. “In fact, a large portion of the general population will experience either a fissure or hemorrhoid at some point in their lives. That said, among my gay male patients, fissures are one of the most common issues I treat—often tied to the mechanics and frequency of bottoming.”
Anal fissures can be incredibly painful. They can cause bleeding after you poop (and after sex). They will also randomly itch throughout the day. It’s an awkward bodily sensation to have something inside you that’s both itchy and painful. It can hurt to sneeze, laugh, walk, sit, and poop if they get really irritated.
So, here are 12 things you need to know about getting, preventing, and healing anal fissures, according to Dr. Goldstein, who has spent his entire career providing care to the gay community, and last year wrote Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between.
1. Keep your bowel movements loose
Constipation is an anal fissure's worst enemy. The pushing and pressure from constipation can cause tears in your mucosa and rip the tears you already have further open. Make sure to stay hydrated and eat tons of fiber to avoid constipation. If that’s not enough, try over-the-counter laxatives and stool softeners.
“Over-the-counter options, like stool softeners (e.g., Colace, taken 3x/day), fiber supplements (like Metamucil), and Calmol-4 suppositories (2x/day, available at most local pharmacies) can be incredibly helpful, as well as plenty of water to supplement,” Dr. Goldstein recommends. “These form a solid foundation for at-home care, especially for individuals without immediate access to specialized treatment.”
2. Eat more olive oil
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As with staying hydrated and eating more fiber to help keep your bowel movements loose, consider adding more olive oil to your daily intake, as well. This is a natural laxative to help you pass your stool. Additionally, mixing in a little honey and beeswax, then heating up the mixture and letting it cool, can also be used as a topical.
According to Dr. Goldstein, eating a high fiber diet full of grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, and seeds, plus plenty of water, “supports consistent, soft bowel movements and overall gut health” and “ adding healthy fats, like olive oil, can also help lubricate the digestive tract.”
3. Don’t hold in your poops
When you hold in a bowel movement, it will eventually come out, and when it does, it comes out more intensely, packing an even stronger punch. This can agitate the tissue and cause additional tears.
“While the healing process takes time and every bowel movement can feel like a setback, avoiding them can make things worse. Don’t hold it in; just be patient. Use stool softeners or fiber supplements regularly,” he explains.
Dr. Goldstein, who is the CEO of Bespoke Surgical and co-founder of Future Method (the first scientific, holistic, and educational brand devoted to supporting safe, healthy, and judgment-free pleasure), recommends taking two fiber capsules at night and two synbiotics every morning to help keep things moving and prevent future fissures once you’ve healed.
“It’s important to stay well-hydrated, avoid prolonged sitting on the toilet, and never strain if the urge isn’t there,” he says.
4. Make friends with aloe vera
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Aloe vera is a natural ingredient that helps cool and soothe the affected areas. If you can’t find an aloe plant on your own, buy some organic gel from the store and repeat every three to four hours as needed.
However, Dr. Goldstein warns that aloe should only be used immediately after a fissure occurs, before switching to other treatments that will work better in the long term. “Aloe can definitely be part of the initial care routine, but realistically, after the first 3 to 5 days of using creams or oils, the goal is to keep the area as dry as possible,” he says. “If you’re reaching for aloe, you might be better off using creams specifically designed for anal fissures instead.”
5. Use more lube during sex than you thought possible
Douse yourself in lube. Bathe in it. Dunk his whole penis in a vat of it. Lube makes his penis more slippery, which helps prevent fissures (or allows them to heal). When you have dry sex, your anus will be irritated even more.
“It’s not just about lubrication; it’s also about understanding your own anal anatomy,” Dr. Goldstein explains. “How are your muscles functioning? What’s the condition of your skin? Many people incorporate anal dilation – using dilators or cones – to help relax the muscles, improve function, and strengthen the overlying skin. Since fissures result from pressure, the goal is to reduce that pressure with plenty of lube and by training the area to better tolerate stress.”
6. Soak in a hot bath
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As if you need another excuse to lounge about in the bath, doing so will also help you with your anal fissures. Soaking in warm water for 10 to 20 minutes a day helps relax the sphincter, thus promoting healing.
“Soaking in a warm bath, especially with Epsom salts, can help relax the anal sphincter, soothe inflammation, and promote blood flow to support healing,” he says.
7. Cool it with the bottoming for a little bit
Alas, you may have to stop bottoming for a bit until the tissue has time to heal. Even if you’re doing everything right, the constant pressure and friction from being penetrated, even when heavily lubed, will prevent the fissures from healing properly. If you do have sex, be gentle. Nice and easy.
Dr. Goldstein cautions that it’s important to spend a week using creams and suppositories to start the healing process, followed by a second week of no sex. “It’s a process, but if you go slow and do it right, the area can heal properly and reduce the risk of it happening again. Skip that step, and you risk developing scar tissue that might eventually require surgery to get you back in action,” he explains.
8. Give Botox a try, it's for more than just wrinkles
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While you may think butt plugs would be a go-to treatment for loosening yourself back up while healing a fissure, but Dr. Goldstein says they can actually do more harm than good.
“Butt plugs actually put more and more pressure right at the neck of the ass where the thin part to the toy is. So, it actually does nothing to work the muscle and skin to decrease pressure. It can also increase swelling that causes hemorrhoids and fissures when pulling the fucking thing out.”
Botox, on the other hand, can be a game-changer. “It works by temporarily relaxing the anal muscles to reduce pressure and allow healing,” he says. “It typically lasts three to four months. Most patients benefit from two to three in-office rounds, paired with at-home dilation and pelvic floor therapy to reinforce the reset.”
9. Preparation H
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The #1 doctor-recommended, over-the-counter medication for treating fissures (and hemorrhoids). Preparation H makes a number of products for all your anal needs. They make ointments, maximum pain relief creams, cooling gels, suppositories, medicated wipes, and anti-itch creams. (Important note: this is only a temporary fix, and please don't apply it on open wounds!
“You can absolutely grab this if you are experiencing mild symptoms or just need something in a pinch. It can work to help heal and soothe,” Dr. Goldstein says.
10. AnuSol Cream
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Another over-the-counter medication, AnuSol Cream is an additional tool you should have in your toolbox to help treat anal fissures. Some men have better luck with it than they do with Preparation H. Again, this is only a temporary fix, and don't apply it on open wounds!
“Apply a pea-sized amount at night, in the morning, and after bowel movements as directed by your provider. This, plus Calmol-4 suppositories or similar, can really help,” Dr. Goldstein recommends. “I like dipping the suppository into the cream before putting it up your ass before bed and/or after bowel movements. This can really help more so with going to the bathroom. That’s the key – soft stools, less pressure and straining, and lubrication so you don’t tear. All this together helps the fissure to heal.”
11. Rectiv Rectal
Rectiv Rectal is a medication you can only get prescribed from your doctor. It’s an ointment, very similar in texture to Neosporin. You insert a dab into your anus every 12 hours. It helps to heal the ripped tissue with its magical, medical powers.
“I find many get headaches from it since it works not just locally in the ass,” Dr. Goldstein warns, but says, “it's covered by insurance, so many people try that first and see if it can be tolerated. It helps relax the muscles. I also use a lot of Valium suppositories to also relax the region, which allows for healing and then bottoming.”
12. If all else fails…surgery
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If you’ve tried everything on this list and are still suffering, it may be time to look into more serious forms of intervention. “When a fissure has progressed to scarring or excess tissue, Botox alone won’t cut it,” Dr. Goldstein says. “Many people come to me after failed treatments elsewhere. In those cases, we often need to surgically remove the scar tissue to rebuild the area with healthy, pliable skin. Then we reintroduce dilation and physical therapy to maintain long-term success.”
Josh O'Connor and Paul Mescal in The History of Sound
Courtesy of Mubi
Rumors have been swirling about the gay historical romance The History of Sound for years, and now we’re finally getting some tea about the film and the potential steamy sex scenes out of the Cannes Film Festival.
Details about the film have been shrouded in mystery since it was first announced back in 2021, and it was revealed that Challengers actor Josh O’Connor and All of Us Strangers lead Paul Mescal are starring in the period piece.
For years, it was unclear when the film would come out, but now it has finally had its world premiere at Cannes, and people can't stop talking about it. Mescal is already standing up to reviewers who are comparing the film to Brokeback Mountain in unfavorable terms, and director Oliver Hermanus has finally opened up about the touching romance at the heart of the film and how the sex scenes compare to his recent spicy series, Mary & George.
So here’s everything we know about the sexy historical drama taking Cannes by storm.
What is the History of Sound about?
Paul Mescal and director Oliver Hermanus pose during a photocall for the film "The History of Sound" at the 78th edition of the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, southern France, on May 22, 2025.
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The film, conceived in 2020 and adapted from a collection of short stories by American author Ben Shattuck, is set during WWI, and follows Lionel (Mescal) and David (O’Connor) as they embark on a cross-country trip to record the lives, voices, and music of their countrymen. "In this snatched, short-lived moment in their young lives, and while discovering the epic sweep of the U.S., both men are deeply changed,” the official description reads.
Mescal plays a talented singer from rural Kentucky who left his family farm to attend the Boston Music Conservatory, while O’Connor stars as a charming music composing student who is drafted into the end of the war, and then spends the winter of 1920 walking through Maine collecting folk songs to preserve them for future generations.
"I instantly fell in love with Ben Shattuck's flawlessly beautiful short story and knew I had to be involved in its journey to the screen," Hermanus said in 2021. "Paul and Josh are two of the most promising actors of their generation who will share with us deeply soulful performances. This is an unexpected love story that needs to be told -- it is a journey through the life of America, across the 20th century and the traditions of American folk music, all seen through the bond between two men immersed in the history of sound. This undeniably powerful story will certainly resonate with audiences the world over."
Those sex scenes
Paul Mescal during "The History of Sound" photocall at the 78th annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 22, 2025 in Cannes, France.
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The film had been teased for so many years that people had high expectations for the love scenes between Mescal and O'Connor, and while the Cannes audience gave the film a six-minute standing ovation, reviewers were less thrilled with the pace of the film and the lack of steamy sex scenes. World of Reel called it “Brokeback Lite,” and Variety compared it to the gay cowboy film as well, writing that it is “Brokeback Mountain on Sedatives.” But Mescal takes offense at this comparison.
“I personally don’t see the parallels at all with Brokeback Mountain, other than we spent a little time in a tent,” Mescal said at Cannes after his film premiered, The Guardian reports. Mescal admitted that he loves Brokeback Mountain, but likes that The History of Sound is different. "I find those comparisons relatively lazy and frustrating, but for the most part I think the relationship I have to the film is born out of the fact that it’s a celebration between these men’s love and not the repression of their sexuality," he said.
Despite what fans were hoping for, there aren't many points in the film when Mescal and O'Connor's characters even kiss, but for Hermanus, that wasn't the point of the film. In an interview with Varietyfrom Cannes, Hermanus called the film “a very romantic story.” The characters in The History of Sound fall for each other quickly, a decision the director made because, “It’s 2025, and queer audiences want more.” He continued, “We confuse yearning for obsession and unrequited love. You can long for someone, and not just because they aren’t there.”
Hermanus isn’t going for shocking sex scenes like he has in other projects he’s helmed. This time, he’s more focused on romance. “There are moments, but I was very determined to not have the assumptions of sex scenes be pivotal, or gear changes in their relationship,” Hermanus revealed. “That’s not the film. They stick together from the first day they meet. What I love is the moments that bring sex about, and then the moments after. Josh’s character has this amazing thing where he keeps collecting all the feathers that are falling out of Paul’s pillow and stuffing them back in. That’s romance.”
But how gay is it?
Paul Mescal arrives for the screening of the film "The History of Sound" at the 78th edition of the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, southern France, on May 21, 2025.
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Very. While the sex scenes might not be as…diverse as Hermanus’ previous project Mary & George, you’ll be treated to tender romance, yearning, and, if we’re lucky, there will be a couple of scenes to scratch the itch of fans dying to see Mescal and O’Connor's chemistry on screen.
Hermanus also said that he has an affinity for queer films that focus on sex. “I love films that have raw sexuality, it’ll take a lot for me to be shocked or feel endangered by queer sex,” he said.
Meet the leads: Paul Mescal and Josh O’Connor
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Mescal and O’Connor are two of the hottest names in Hollywood, so the internet is very excited to see them share the screen as gay lovers. Mescal rose to fame for his role in Normal People, for playing Andrew Scott’s neighbor-turned-lover in All of Us Strangers, and then for starring in Rodney Scott’s blockbuster Gladiator II.
O’Connor has also made a name for himself playing queer characters is the past. He played opposite Zendaya in Challengers, where he shared a kiss with Mike Faist, and starred as a gay man in God’s Own Country in 2017.
Oliver Hermanus on his spiciest project
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This isn’t the only queer project Hermanus has helmed, in fact he’s made a career out of it, from Beauty to The History of Sound. But it’s his series Mary & George that is probably his horniest creation to date. In the Variety interview, Hermanus said, “I made a TV show in 2023 called Mary and George, and we would stand on set trying to think of new sex positions. I would turn to Nicholas Galitzine and say, 'What have you not done?' He would go, 'I got fucked that way yesterday. I already did an orgy with that guy the other day. I topped that guy and bottomed for the other.’ The intimacy coordinator would come over with an iPad and flip through new positions. It was the point where I was just trying to differentiate a French orgy from a British one, like Legos.”
Mubi stepped up to the plate
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While Mubi used to be an unknown entity in the industry, the distributor has been making a name for itself as of late, picking up The Substance and Queer. Back in February the indie distributor picked up The History of Sound and is planning a theatrical release for sometime in 2025. The release date will be announced in the coming months after its premiere at Cannes.
Hermanus won the Queer Palm at Cannes in 2011 for his film Beauty, will he do it again for The History of Sound?
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Having someone slide into your DMs usually leads to something casual, but for The Upshaws actor Jermelle Simon, it ended in a wedding proposal.
In an exclusive interview with People, Simon and content creator Obio Jones opened up about their “surprise” engagement on April 25, which they celebrated surrounded by family.
The couple met after Jones watched an episode of The Upshaws, the Netflix sitcom that just wrapped its final season, where Simon starred alongside Wanda Sykes, Kim Fields, and Mike Epps.
“He DM’d to congratulate/compliment me on my performance on the show. Real smooth like, but friendly for sure,” Simon, 36, told the publication.
The pair struck up a friendship that soon turned into romance after a date at the LA restaurant Joyce.
“He’s always been fine, but what drew me in was how intentionally nice he was/is,” Jones explained, but was nervous about taking their relationship to the next level. “‘Are we sure we want to risk our friendship for romance?’,” Jones said he was thinking at the time.
The two men kept their relationship private until Simon came out as gay last October on National Coming Out Day in an Instagram video where he said, “Thank you for providing a space where I can come on the internet and say, ‘I am a Black, gay man.’ Happy National Coming Out Day.”
Jones was the one to slide into Simon’s DMs and he was also the one to pop the question. He knew Jones would want an intimate proposal that included his three children from a previous relationship, so when they were going to move in together, Jones set his plan in motion.
“On the day we got the keys, everyone was looking at their rooms and roaming the home,” Jones revealed. “[Jermelle and I] were in our primary room, and I had the kids come in one by one and hand him congratulations notes with I love you’s and sweet descriptions of who he’s been to them, and what family meant. He thought it was just in regards to the house, but I got on one knee and boom!”
Even though the men had discussed their desire to get married in the future, Simon was caught by surprise by the proposal that came with a diamond-encrusted Cartier ring.
“[It was] a complete surprise, actually. I say that because normally, I would have some sort of idea about a thing. [Obio] involved the children, and everyone that was important to me, and no one said a thing,” gushed Simon. “I think it made it that much more special to me because not only was I ready, but I was genuinely surprised, which almost never happens.”
The two haven’t started planning their wedding yet and are just trying to enjoy this phase of their relationship.
"We’re going to give ourselves another month to stop mistakenly calling each other boyfriend, and then jump into planning mode,” Jones said.
“I think within a month or so, we will decide if we want a wedding planner or not,” added Simon. “For now, we’re just taking a moment to be present with it.”
Max Talisman set on a mission to bring LGBTQ+ representation to the big screen with his super cute new rom-com Things Like This. His character, Zack, reunites with his middle school crush and struggles to accept his feelings for his crush.
"[The inspiration] came from not seeing myself reflected on film, like not seeing a plus-size queer lead in anything. There's not enough queer films in general. I started writing it in 2018 and now it's being released in 2025! You never can give up," Talisman tells PRIDE.
Although it took seven years to bring this movie to life, the timing couldn't be more crucial as queer stories are becoming more scarce in today's hostile political climate.
"Our film accidentally became an act of protest because it's about queer joy. It does feel like that's the opposite of what we're supposed to experience right now, but to live in that joy and to celebrate it for these 90 minutes... it's something really special."
Things Like This is the perfect form of escapism for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, but it also serves as an important to reminder to keep pushing for queer visibility in all forms of media.
"I want people to come into this movie, laugh for those 90 minutes, revel in the queer joy, and then we can leave and we can keep fighting because right now, that's important too."
Talisman is well aware that conservatives will likely stick their nose up at this beautiful film, but he encourages naysayers to simply give this movie a chance before saying anything negative.
"I would want to dare them to sit there and not laugh and not experience joy. If they can make it through this movie without smiling, I'd give them $100 or more. I think people who feel that way haven't met a gay person or they haven't met the right one."
Things Like This is out now in theaters. To see the full interview with Max Talisman, check out the video at the top of the page.
Pride season is right around the corner, and while that means that your calendar is probably full of parties and parades, there are also Black Pride marches and festivities happening all across the country that should move to the top of your Pride Month calendar.
Pride Month is about demanding space and celebrating marginalized LGBTQ+ identities, but sometimes the Black queer community can be left out of the equation. That’s why Black Pride Month events are so important.
The very first Black Gay Pride event took place in 1991, when DC Black Pride had its inaugural celebration, paving the way for a movement of Black Pride protests and festivals across the United States. What has become a way to celebrate identity and demand a seat at the table started in response to how Black LGBTQ+ communities were disproportionately affected by the AIDS epidemic and encourages Black people to celebrate their own culture and heritage. Since then, events have cropped up all over the country to champion Black rights and joyfully gather in community with one another.
Don't see an event you're excited about? Email us at news@equalpide.com and we'll add it to the calendar.
Keep scrolling to see all of the amazing Black Pride Month events happening in America!
DC Black Pride (May 23 - 26)
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This year Washington, DC will be home to the WorldPride celebration, but that’s not all. There will also be a four-day-long Black Pride festival that will feature electrifying parties, glamorous balls, health and wellness breakout sessions, and dynamic performances.
Tri-State Black Pride in Memphis, Tennessee will have a drag brunch, “dripping wet” pool party, and a music festival, and although you have to buy tickets the events make it worth the price of admission.
New Orleans knows how to do Pride right! The Black Pride weekend will start with a mixer before the Black Queer summit with panels, workshops, and meaningful conversations. There will also be a country-themed party, a community festival in Armstrong Park, a Nightcap Party with live DJs, and a Gospel Drag Brunch.
Indy Pride’s BLQ+ event is one part Pride celebration and one part Juneteenth event. The day is a way to honor the history of Junneteenth and the resiliency and solidarity of the Black queer and trans community.
On June 28, downtown Greenville, South Carolina, will become the home of the Black Pride Festival. The day will start with a march and end with a festival that is both an opportunity and celebration of the BIPOC LGBTQ+ community.
This year’s Harlem Pride has a “Kween & Qing” theme that will honor the unique contributions of community leaders. There will be a Kween and Qing pageant and crowning ceremony, a Pride Sweet 16 party, and a festival with live performances, local vendors, community resources, and amazing food.
San Francisco Soul of Pride is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. What started as a place to uplift Black LGBTQ+ community in San Francisco has become a vibrant celebration that blends art, activism, and fellowship. There will be performances, art, and activism during Pride weekend that will celebrate the rich diversity of the Black queer community.
Hosted by the Boston LesBiGay Urban Foundation, Boston Black Pride takes place over five days and includes a Pride Parade and music and arts festival. There will also be an open mic night party, a teen party, an R&B brunch, a Black Pride Ball, and a Met Gala.
LA Black Pride is a five-day festival meant to uplift and celebrate the Black LGBTQ+ community, and includes an R&B party, a block party, a brunch, a Soul Sunday event at The Abbey.
The 8th annual Black Pride RVA Festival takes place in Richmond, Virginia, and kicks off with a big party, which is meant to celebrate unity and culture. The rest of the event includes a Root Award ceremony at the Black History Museum, a Day of Purpose festival, a Blacktopia Ball, and a Pride in the Park celebration.
Twin Cities Black Pride celebration will include an awards ceremony recognizing outstanding contributions within the Black LGBTQ+ community, a party boat, and a Sip, Paint, and Smoke event where a relaxed atmosphere, drinks, painting, and socializing.