7 Things Guys With a Jealous Boyfriend Need to Understand

I used to think jealous thoughts were indicative of larger problems: low self-esteem, trust issues, neuroses, or a myriad of other insecurities. Then I started dating someone and became that jealous boyfriend. Even worse, my partner never gets jealous... making my jealousy that much tougher to explain. While trying to explain it, I realized something: jealousy is the most toxic feeling in the world. A gross emotion that’s not only irrational but overpowering. It’s that deadly combination that causes so much trouble. Now that I’ve spent some time grappling with my jealousy, I’ve learned a few more traits of the emotion that many non-jealous guys dating jealous-types don’t understand. Here they are.

1. We’re sorry.
We don’t like being jealous any more than you like hearing about our jealousy. We don’t get pleasure out of it. We’re not proud of ourselves for feeling it. In fact, we probably hate feeling it more than you do.

2. It’s not that we don’t trust you.
We do. We don’t trust ourselves. Often the people that get the most jealous are people who’ve cheated in the past. Even though we’re no longer cheaters and would never cheat on you, we know that people have the capacity to screw up, and it would really hurt us if you accidentally did. 

3. We want to be the center of your world.
Yes, we know we are, but when we see someone else bring you so much joy, we can’t help but wish we were the one who brought you that joy.

4. We like to be reassured.
Call it insecure; call it weak; call it what you want, but we like to be reassured we’re your one and only, especially if you’re a flirty-type.

5. It means we like you.
Yes, it does. It means we like you enough that we want to hoard you and keep you to ourselves, but then we remember that’s not how relationships work, so we reluctantly let you lose on the world and pray you’ll come back to us.

6. We’re working on it.
But it’s tough trying to not feel a feeling. That’s the thing about feelings. They come and go as they please, but we’re working on what to do when we start feeling jealous, and how to respond to it appropriately.

7. We’ll get over it with time.
It’s too exhausting being jealous forever. Relationships take time to settle. Some longer than others and some never quite settle, but our jealousy will cool down with time. Thank you for being patient.