14 Gifts Gay Men Actually Want Santa to Bring

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14 Gifts Gay Men Actually Want Santa to Bring

Christmas is right around the corner, and while sweaters and wine make for okay gifts, here are 14 presents gay man could actually use!

1. An endless supply of underwear

Jock straps, Speedos, thongs. A new, and flashy, pair for each day of the year would be amazing!

2. To have your friends admit once and for all that you are the Samantha of the group

For the love of God, you are not Miranda! I don’t know why they keep telling you that!

3. Acne cream that actually works

Not one that kind of works. Not one that your friend swears by. One that actually works for you consistently.

4. To end homophobia and institutionalized oppression

Wouldn’t that be just a nice little treat to have for Christmas? The end of bigotry?

5. A home gym

Fully stocked with free weights, a squat rack, ellipticals, treadmills, cable machines, the works.

6. A smart, funny, sexy, caring, introspective boyfriend

Who also loves you unconditionally and thinks you're the best thing to ever happen to humankind. (Is that too much to ask for??)

7. Gay fiction that’s not cliché and poorly-written

$7. Gay fiction that\u2019s not clich\u00e9 and poorly-written$

Okay, not to shit on all gay fiction, but I want to see a male romance story that doesn't have the same old coming out tropes. I want a love story between two men that didn't seem like it was written by a middle schooler. I want gay fiction that’s telling an untold story!

8. A full bar that magically restocks itself

Wine, whiskey, beer, vodka, gin, schnapps—you name it, it’s there!

9. A lifetime supply of condoms and lube

A lifetime supply of pleasure and protection! (Cuz God knows that stuff ain’t cheap!)

10. To no longer fear rejection

To have confidence that slightly borders on arrogance. To be able to go up to a guy, get rejected, and know that you are still smart, talented, funny, and beautiful.

11. To stop being prude-/slut-shamed

Why do we hate on other gay men? Why do we judge other people’s sexual activities? We’re all on the same team here. It would be nice to no longer be shamed by other gay men.

12. One of those ridiculous dildos

Now that we've already got "get rid of slut-shaming" as one of our gifts, we'll want one of those super expensive dildos that are better than the real thing. I’m talking vibrating, glow-in-the-dark, everything.

13. A cute little puppy you can give to someone else when he’s too much work

$13. A cute little puppy you can give to someone else when he\u2019s too much work$

You want a puppy, but you also know that you can’t handle Spot all day. So for Christmas, you want a professional dog nanny you can hand off Spot to when you need a break.