A Beginner's Guide to Your First Nonmonogamous Relationship

No matter what society tries to shove down your throat, monogamy isn’t for everyone. Instead of forcing it, which will only lead to sadness, cheating, and heartbreak, look for other types of meaningful relationship—ones that allow you to love and be loved, while still feeling fulfilled both sexually and emotionally. 

If you’re interested in pursuing a non-monogamous relationship, here’s what you need to know. 

Open relationship

 
Definition: A relationship where both you and your partner are allowed to see other people

What you need to know: I purposefully used the word “see” because it is important for you to define what you’re allowed to do in the context of your open relationship. Are you allowed to go on dates? Are you allowed to sleep with mutual friends? Are you allowed to sleep with exes? There needs to be clearly defined rules with an open relationship, in order for it to flourish. The don’t ask don’t tell policy does not work.

Throuple 

Definition: A three person couple

What you need to know: If you haven’t tried a throuple, it’s highly recommended that you do so. Throuples only work if you’re honest and open about your feelings with the other two men. Don’t play favorites, and understand that at times, he’ll grow closer to your other partner, and they will bond without you. Still, they will both always care for you.

Finding a third together

 
Definition: Sex is allowed with a third person, only when both members of the couple are present to partake

What you need to know: There are different types of sex. There is casual, fun sex, to satisfy sexual urges—and there is intimate love-making. When you see your partner screwing another man, know that it’s not love, it’s pleasure. There are distinct differences.

Polyamorous 

Definition: Having more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

What you need to know: Polyamory is the final frontier of all the relationships listed above. It requires everything and more. More open dialogue. More honesty. More confidence. More security. More trust. And it might need a hippie commune...