How to Reveal Your 'Crazy' Fetish to Your New Boyfriend

Some guys like Rocky Road, others prefer vanilla!

So you’re into some sexual practices that many guys would call “a little unorthodox.” Usually, this isn’t a problem, but the new guy you started dating has absolutely no idea, and you don’t think he’d be into it. In fact, you think you could scare him off if you told him the truth. The sex is good now, but you’re not feeling completely satisfied. How do you tell your new partner that you want to explore some kinkier practices in the bedroom?

Here are seven steps to help you come out as kinky to your new partner.

Start the relationship with openness and honesty

This isn't exactly about sex, per se. It's more about an overall aspect of the relationship and being truthful about who you are and things you like to do. As he gets to know you for all of your little intricacies and idiosyncrasies, he'll start to appreciate your more mild quirks. This way, when you start to get a little freakier, he won't be as caught off guard.

Be (overly) interested in his interests

It's important that you give him attention, especially if you're nervous about what he might think about your fetish. Be aware, he may also be in the same boat. Everyone has something weird about themselves that they're afraid of sharing with their significant other, so be overly interested in everything he's interested in as you build up to the big moment.

Gauge his openness to exploring new things

Since you recently started dating, it’s completely normal (and healthy) to ask him if there are sexual practices he’s into, or if they’re things he wants to explore with you. He may be completely vanilla and have absolutely no desire for any new things sexually, but who know’s? He may be into some pretty kinky things too. He probably won’t come out and say it explicitly, but gauge his response. See if he’s holding back or if he gets excited when you ask him about his sex practices.

Don't make a big deal about your fetish

If you make it sound like a big deal, it will immediately become one. You don’t have cancer. You’re not dying. Everything is going fine in your relationship. Don’t make it seem like there’s a huge issue in your relationship. You also don’t want to tell him in a manner that makes you sound ashamed of your fetishes. You have nothing to be ashamed of, but if you frame the conversation with, “I have some huge news to tell you…” he’s going to think this a deep, dark secret of yours (which it is not).

Start by saying you're into something mildly kinky

If you can’t gauge his response, and you aren’t sure what he’d be into, start with small sexual requests. Let’s say you’re a complete masochist. You love being tied up, humiliated, beaten, and watersports. Instead of starting off with, “Could you tie me up, spank me, and call me homophobic slurs while peeing on me?” Start with something a little less intense. How about, “You would you be interested in spanking me?” You’ll know by how he spanks you if he’s into it. If he starts off lightly, and after encouragement, continues spanking lightly, he’s probably not into spanking. If he starts wailing away and moaning loudly, he’s got some kink bottled up in there dying to get out.

Slowly progress into kinkier festishes

This is what social psychologists like to call the foot-in-the-door technique. You ask someone to do something small, and after they agree to the task, you ask them to do something a little bigger. That’s exactly what you’re doing. You started with something small. You gauged his response and his desire to engage in kinkier sexual practices. Now you start asking for more intense things and see where he does (or doesn’t) draw the line.

Don't forget the vanilla, too

Let’s say he starts doing all the more intense fetishes that you’ve requested. While he may enjoy it, he may be enjoying it more because it turns you on, not because, he, inherently is kinky. So your sexual relationship needs to be tit-for-tat. Don’t forget about his needs, and don’t forget to have vanilla sex every now and again to make sure that his needs are getting met too.