30 awkward things guys do in saunas

We all have our reasons for hitting the saunas, and we’re not here to judge. Whether it’s pre- or post-workout, sometimes it feels good to just have a relaxing sweat session.

That is, of course, until there’s that one guy who does something that makes the whole experience uncomfortable. Here are 30 awkward things guys do in saunas.

1. Doing Squats

There you are relaxing in 125 degrees of pure blistering bliss, when a gym rat swings the door open, finds a space and starts doing squats.

2. Adjusting their junk

Everyone’s sticky, uncomfortable and sitting two feet away from you. If you’re feeling unbearably restricted, you should rearrange the boys, but you don’t need spectators.

3. Talking at all

Silence is golden. So please STFU.

4. Flirting

As if talking isn’t bad enough, they want to try to make a pass while they’re at it?

5. Listening to music without headphones

Rihanna and Drake’s “Work” slays, but if I want to listen to it, I’ll put on my headphones, which is what you should do too.

6. Singing out loud

What part of silence is golden do you not get?

7. Planking

Great, your abs are on point, and your feet are basically in my lap. Plus, I can almost see in your back door.

8. Dancing or moving around at all

Seriously, just sit still. We’re not interested in seeing your dance moves until we’re at the club, and even then the sauna isn’t the place to practice them, honey.

9. Stripping

By the time you enter the sauna, you will already be in your towel. Stepping in and stripping down is uncomfortable for everyone — even if you’re really hot.

10. Applying oils

Lubing up your aching muscles affects more than just the wooden benches. And if you’re a real looker, there could be a lot more wood in the sauna after you oil up.

11. Making eye contact

Don’t look at me! Look at your feet or the inside of your eyelids.

12. Clipping their toenails

Seriously?

13. Picking at navel lint

Like clipping your toenails, the sauna isn’t the place to clean out your belly button. Save that for the showers.

14. Sitting too close

Saunas are notoriously cramped, but do we really have to touch? There should be a gap between your thigh and mine.

15. Manspreading

Yes, the warm air makes all sorts of things loosen up, but you’re taking up too much room.  Tough. Buck up and tuck your family jewels.

16. Flexing their muscles

There’s not even a mirror in here. WTF are you doing?

17. Talking on the phone

Excuse me … can you call your Grindr buddies back later?

18. Sharing personal stories

Just like talking, or flirting, or singing, or any other kind of vocal interaction, don’t start sharing personal stories if you can’t take the hint. Unless someone else is engaging in the conversation with you, just sit still and relax.

19. Drying their stinky clothes

Whatever stankiness was going on in your clothes is now wafting into the shared sauna air. Thanks for that.

20. Lying down naked

Are you trying to expose your ass to the heat or to every Tom, Dick and Harry?

21. Scratching anything

Have an itch on your chest? That’s cool — scratch away. But, your itchy taint needs to be addressed in private. Now, put your legs down.

22. Spitting on the rocks

We're literally breathing in the steam from your spit. 

23. Examining body parts

Congratulations! There's a mole on your coin purse. You should examine it at home.

24. Bending over

Are you trying to touch your toes or do you want me to look at your puckered starfish? Anyways, just stop.

25. Shaking sweat off

I have enough of my own sweat, I don’t need more from you.

26. Moaning like a whale

What is that sound and why is it coming out of your mouth?

27. Breathing heavily

If you’re that winded, maybe you should take a break from the heat wave? Just a thought.

28. Launching snot rockets

Gross. Go away.

29. Farting

It already smells in here. Did you really have to add the fumes from your lunch into the mix?

30. Rocking a boner

If we get up at the same time, that thing will poke my eye out.