For Gen Z and younger Millennial queer people, The Apps are as ubiquitous with dating as "dinner and a movie." As the market has grown, we've also seen way more dating apps for the LGBTQ+ community, and for queer women specifically.
So why does it still feel so hard to create a profile that actually gets matches?
If you're on Tinder, Lex, Bumble, Hinge, Feeld, Taimi, and HER and are still struggling to match with hot singles in your area, it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you might just need a different lure. Which is to say: it's not you, it's your profile.
Your profile is only takes a few minutes to tweak! We asked three experts — Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad; Meg TenEyck, lesbian content creator and owner of travel media company EveryQueer; Barbara Rowlandson, author and dating and coming out coach at Anne-Marie Zanzal Coaching — for their lists of dating app "dos and don'ts" advice. With their pointers, you'll have all the ladies swiping right in no time.
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Your profile is about you, so your pictures should be too! "Any profile pic that distorts your face, either with a filter, a contorted expression, or accessories, is a big no-no and it always puts me on guard," says Rowlandson. Heavily altered photos just don't exude confidence. "These are folks who either have something to hide or who are not comfortable just being themselves." Even if that's something you're working on, fake it until you make it!
This also goes for pics that cover or hide your face like, "Only black and white photos" or "only having pictures with sunglasses," says Roos. "Hey, everyone looks badass in shades and I know it’s appealing to use pictures where you look as a movie star to add some coolness to yourself, but don’t only use pictures with you wearing sunglasses because that can make people think you have something to hide." One is fine, but all shades seems shady.
A first impression is everything, and physical attraction is an important part of a relationship. It's not shallow or vain to want to show people that you're trying to date that you're stunning. People want to see your face! So make sure that you have a stellar profile picture.
Roos advises using one where you look your happiest! "A big smile is just like showing your beautiful eyes - it’s one of the things that people notice first and something that makes you attract others, so find pics of you smiling or laughing."
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The other people on dating apps, just like you, are looking for connection. They want to talk to you! The more you can do to open yourself up to connection and set people up with a solid in to message you with, the better. Things like your name, age, occupation, and astrological sign if you swing that way are all great to include in your bio, but that can't be all there is. Just a bulleted list of fast facts about you doesn't give anywhere to go, and it might be a huge factor in not getting matches.
People might be looking at your profile and thinking you're funny, sexy, and smart, but they're not messaging you because they don't have a good opening.
Rowlandson says, "I love statements that hook other app users into playful debates! So for example, instead of saying something like 'I love Fleetwood Mac' say 'Fleetwood Mac's Rumours is the greatest album of all time, prove me wrong!' With this little tweak, you're inviting playful conversation about a shared interest (music) that invites deeper connection."
If you aren't sure where to start rephrasing your bio, try Hinge. The app is built to set up in a way where you have to respond to a specific part of someone's bio in order to match. This means you get more practice striking up a conversation with others, and it'll be easier for you because all their prompts are phrased in a way to help you make your bio more conversation started friendly! It's a win-win.
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TenEyck says, "There is usually the assumption that they are your children regardless if they’re nieces/nephews or friends kids. It’s also a bit weird and exploitative to showcase children who can’t consent to being posted on a dating website." If you have kids that are important in your life — nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, or even your own kids — that's fantastic! That's something to share once you match and are getting to know someone. If you are a parent, you can let people know that in the text of your profile, it's really best not to share their pictures on a dating app where anyone can see them.
You should also steer clear of scaring away potential paramours with pics of random men. Well, they're not random to you, but the immediate thought from women you're trying to romance is that this is your boyfriend. "A lot of queer women read profiles that have pictures of men in them as being secretly 'looking for a third'. While you might be standing next to your male bestie, brother, or cousin — unless you disclose that relationship some may assume that is a male partner," says TenEyck.
If you are indeed looking for a third, more power to you. There are even apps, like Feeld and #Open, for people practicing all different forms of non-monogamy! But whatever you're doing, you don't want to make people play "siblings or dating" when they should be focused on trying to woo you. Be clear, be specific, or maybe just leave the picture from your brother's birthday out of your profile.
It's all a delicate balance. But in 2025, kids and men are out, friends and glamour shots are IN. Pictures of you in a group show that you are a well-rounded individual with friends, hobbies, and a life. Roos says, "If it’s only you in all pictures, you might think that's something good because hey, it’s you they should focus on! But people can instead actually easily think that you don’t have any friends or other people around you in your life. Show that others have already chosen to have you in their life and that will make you more appealing!"
However, warns TenEyck, you don't want to make people play Where's Waldo. She says it's a red flag if someone "Only has group photos. Some people post so many photos with groups that it’s hard to tell who’s the person in the profile. Not having any clear portrait shots can read to the audience like a lack of confidence."
Pro tip: Post a couple great pics of yourself solo first, then your group ones. That was people know who they're looking at in the group picture and there's no guessing!
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Being funny is sexy! It's a good trait to have! But if you're funny, that will come across if you let it. If you're writing a profile trying too hard to be funny, says TenEyck, "this usually comes off as either cringe or lacking the confidence to show themselves." Dating app profiles are a limited space, and you should use every photo slot and character allotment given to showcase who you really are.
It doesn't have to be overly earnest. No one wants a Bumble profile that reads like a Hallmark card, but let's save the memes for your Finsta.
A lot of queer women on dating apps worry about starting something serious with someone who might only be looking to experiment. If you're looking for something longterm, queer references are a great way to give off the right vibe. "Many queer women want to date someone who is culturally queer regardless of how they identify (lesbian/queer/bi/pan etc)," says Teneyck. "Referencing queer culture in your profile shows that you’re here and queer for a long time — not just a good time."
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If you take all this advice and you're still not getting the results you want, it might be time to try some different apps. Tinder and Bumble are fine, but you might get more results the more niche you go, or from apps that are queer exclusive. Rowlandson says, "Personally, I think HER is the preferred app for queer women, trans, and non-binary individuals as it was designed specifically for queer community." Similar to HER is Lex, a queer dating app with an old-school personal ad design, or Taimi, a more traditional dating app that's 100% LGBTQ+.
Just a fling? Looking for your soulmates? Friends to lovers? Whatever it is you're after, people respond well to those who know what they're after. It saves everyone time in the long run, and sets you up to match with people who are looking for the same things. This is true for choosing pictures, writing your bio, and picking what platform to use. "Consider what you want out of dating before picking an app," says Rowlandson.
To be communicate what you're looking for and to understand the same from others, TenEycks suggests giving yourself a quick vocabulary lesson. She says "You’re going to see a lot of acronyms and queer terms. The mistake many newly out queer folks make is assuming that queer people have no other preferences or attractions beyond gender. Knowing what terms mean like top, bottom, verse, femme, enby, masc, amab, afab, tft, femme4femme etc will help you understand what people are looking for and if you fit that description."
Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad
Meg TenEyck, lesbian content creator and owner of travel media company EveryQueer.
Barbara Rowlandson, author and dating and coming out coach at Anne-Marie Zanzal Coaching.
