This is what your Grindr 'About Me' actually says about you

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This is what your Grindr 'About Me' actually says about you

What Your Grindr 'About Me' Actually Says About You

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We’ve already discussed what your Grindr profile pic says about you (with gay men, a picture isn’t just worth a 1,000 words—it’s worth all the words). Believe it or not, there are some people who actually do read the "about me" sections on your Grindr and other various gay hookup apps. Alas, many men are cryptic and/or straight-up lying in this section, so here’s what your Grindr "about me" section actually says about you.

1. “No taps!”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

Or some variation thereof. Maybe he writes, “Taps are annoying,” or “People who tap me will be blocked.” This man is 100% full of himself. Girl, you’re not that hot. Also, plenty of people, like myself, just don’t look at the taps. Why are you getting all worked up because someone expressed interest in you? Relax.

2. "Looking for cuddles"

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Aren’t we all? But this is also sort of like “Netflix and chill” code here. Spooning leads to forking, we all know that. Even when it’s cold out, and even if the intention of “just cuddling” is there, we all know what you’re really after.

3. “No fats, fems.”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

You are the worst. You are trash. You have weird internalized homophobia, femmephobia, and body image issues that you’re taking out on the rest of the gay community. Please, for our sake as well as yours, just stop.

4. "No nudes."

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You’re lying, and you’re probably going to open the conversation with one before even saying hello. We’re not in church, honey, you don’t need to act like a prude here. Just be who you are.

5. “Hung only!”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

Yeah, you are size-queen. That’s...um...that’s pretty clear. Good for you, I guess? You know what you want and you’re getting it?

6. “Looking for now.”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

This would be something that you can and should take at face value. The man is horny. He is looking to have sex right then and there. If you are too, go ahead and message him. See if it’s a match.

7. "Only looking for dates."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

Have you noticed that the guys who say they’re only looking for dates and/or something serious are the first to send nudes? Something fishy is going on here. Also, why are you using Grindr when there are so many better apps that are geared more towards dating than hooking up? Honestly, I think many of these men are in denial.

8. “Looking for the right guy but not opposed to fun on the way.”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

This, in my humble opinion, is the winner of all profiles. It’s honest. It’s not judgemental. It lets the boys know that while you are open to having something more serious, you’re also still trying to get laid along the way. I think this sentiment is something that the majority of gay men can relate to.

9. THE ALL CAPS PROFILE

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

I don’t know what the deal with this is. Frankly, this just intimidates me. Why are you writing every single damn thing in ALL CAPS. “LOOKING FOR RIGHT NOW! HORNY! NEED MEN!” Yes, we’re all horny and want a man. That’s why we’re on the app. Take a chill pill.

10. "No [insert race here]."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

You are racist. It really is that simple. Please don’t attempt to justify your racism with the thinly veiled excuse of “preferences.” We can all see past that.

11. "GeT To the PoinT."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

You do crystal meth. That is clear. You are looking for other people that do crystal meth. I try not to judge, but please, for the love of God, be careful. And don’t get others into it. That stuff, isn’t weed. It’s really really dangerous.

12. "No pic, no chat."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

This says less about the individual himself who has this on his profile, but rather, it speaks more to the rest of the gay community. This should be a no-brainer by now. Send a damn pic of yourself. Of your face. So we know you are real and not catfishing us.

13. "Anonymous."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

Okay, so there’s one exception to the no pic, no chat rule. You’re into anonymous play. If so, that’s fair. Just say so on your profile. Some guys do. They say they’re looking to get pounded without seeing the face. They just want to be naked, ass up on the bed when you come in. (Sounds kind of hot, no?) Just to note, there’s no way in hell that all of y'all with blank profiles are into anonymous play.

14. No pic, but wants one

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Just… don’t. This is worse than the “no pic” profile. Again, some people are into that, and we’re not here to shame. But if you have no picture and your About Me says “no pic, no chat,” that doesn’t paint you in the best light.

15. "Discreet."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

Note that anonymous is different than downlow (DL) or discreet. There are plenty of out gay men who just like having sex anonymously. That’s different than not being completely out to the world.

6. "Straight guy."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. You’re not straight. Even if you’re just looking to get blown or jack off with another guy, you’re not straight. You are bisexual. Sure, you may be more attracted to women than men, and that’s completely fine. But I don’t think it’s accurate to claim the straight label when you’re cruising to suck dick, ya know?

17. No “about me” section

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

You don’t believe that what you say matters because a picture is worth 1,000 words. Fair enough, although since some men do like the profile, would it really kill you to write a sentence or two?

18. "Send nudes."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

TBH, my profile reads, “Unabashed ass man who loves to cuddle.” People then send me pics of their bubble butts, for which I live. Some guys want to see some nudes. That’s why they ask for them in their profile.

19. A long, hearty “about me” section

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

I’m thinking something like this, “I love outdoors, surfing, and hiking. I have a pet labradoodle named Selina. Into video games too. Wine. Love all things wine…” and you get the point. Alright, this guy is looking to have a little connection with a man before he gets plowed. Can you blame him?

20. “No BS—tell me what you want.”

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

These men are not in the business of chatting endlessly. They’re trying to get to the point. (Only this time, they didn’t use capital T’s, so they’re not talking about crystal meth, they actually just want you to state what you’re looking to get into.)

18. "Sub, looking for Dom Top."

$What Your Grindr \u201cAbout Me\u201d Actually Says About You$

So the “about me” doesn’t have to be specific for subs. The example I use is to illustrate that there are kinksters of all types who express what they’re into in their “about me” section. They’re looking for something a little more exciting than vanilla.

| 10/11/24