20 reasons 'straight' men hook up with guys
| 09/11/24
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20 reasons 'straight' men have sex with men
It's likely in this day and age that we've all hooked up with at least one "straight" man. We’ve all had at least one sexual experience where we’ve hooked up with a self-identified “straight” man. They all have their reasons, from being closeted to curious to unknowingly bisexual, and we've covered 20 of the most common reasons "straight" men hook up with other guys below!
1. They're in the closet
So let’s start with the most likely and obvious explanation that I was touching on in the introduction. These men are actually closeted gay or bisexual, but are too afraid of queer labels, and aren’t ready to admit to themselves or others that they actually aren’t straight.
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2. Because it's fun
I mean, gay men are all over this secret. We know that having sex with other men is incredible. Outside of it feeling good, or reaffirming any masculinity, or being dared, or anything else, the truth is, it’s just fun to have sex with other men. Straight men simply have the desire to see what all the fuss is about every once in a while — and not all of them stay straight once they’ve had a taste.
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3. If it's oral, it doesn't count
Not every sexual encounter needs to end in penetration, believe it or not. Sometimes, straight men mask the “hook up” and “dismiss it” as such if there’s only oral contact — and especially if they, themselves, just sit back and enjoy. Semanticcome into play here, and the mentality is similar to that of butt sex “not counting” for straight couples.
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4. Under the influence
Sometimes sobriety is also a factor in reasons why straight men hook up with gay men. We all know what it’s like to have one too many drinks and wake up with someone we wouldn’t have otherwise engaged with.
5. It reaffirms their straightness
In Jane Ward’s Not Gay: Sex Between Straight, White Men, she explores an irony deeply-rooted in same-sex sexual encounters among “straight” men. She claims that a straight man having sex with other men "reaffirms their straightness" by showing that they’re comfortable with their straight sexuality, enough so to sleep with other men.
6. It's not considered gay unless you bottom
In some Latin American cultures, you're not considered gay if you’re the dom/top/receive oral (activo). You’re only gay if you’re a more feminized man who bottoms or gives blowjobs (passivo).
7. Drag queen sex
I know of a few fishy queens (someone who can pass as female when in drag) who sleep with straight guys, like all the damn time. It’s pretty ridiculous. Now, these queens identity as gay men (not trans women), but because they look feminine (and gorgeous) in drag, many “straight” men sleep with them.
8. They can’t differentiate between emotional and physical intimacy
Many straight men are desperate for deep, emotional connections with other men. They’ve been socialized to believe that they don’t need meaningful male connections, or that if they do desire deep connections with other men they’re gay or feminine. So when they have a deep, emotional connection with another man, they can get confused by it, thinking that they, themselves, must be gay. This can lead to sex between two friends, but the truth of the matter is, they’re not physically attracted to each other; they’re just confused by their emotional intimacy with another man but because we live in a society where emotional intimacy between two straight men is so rare. Because of this, their relationship evolves into sex, when it really shouldn’t have. They actually are straight and platonic friends.
9. Hazing
While there’s been a crackdown on hazing in many colleges, fraternities always figure out ways to get around it. Hazing is one of the most homoerotic and bizarre rituals done by “straight” men. “Pledges, chug this bottle of Tabasco. Oh, and also suck these guys’ d*cks.”
10. Curiosity
Curiosity not only kills the cat, it’s what gets self-identified “straight” men to sleep with other men. Simply put, they want to know what all the fuss is about, even though they’re not physically or emotionally attracted to other men. They’re also comfortable enough in their straightness to know that if they explore sexually with another man once, and realize they’re not super into it, they’re not gay or bi.
11. Situational circumstances
In places where women are scarce, there are many “straight” men who sleep with other men. This includes all men’s boarding schools, the military, and of course, prison. (Although in prison, it can often be non-consensual and an act of violence, power, and dominance.)
12. It’s like a fetish
Having a same-sex sexual encounter is considered taboo, gross, or deviant by so many people in the world. Because of this, having same-sex relationships can almost seem like a fetish to “straight” men who like doing deviant things sexually in bed. It’s an extreme fetish, no doubt, by the psychological reasons for “straight” men sleeping with another man could be viewed as similar to the fetish of tying someone up and peeing on them. Both are viewed by the “straight” guy as deviant by heteronormative society.
13. They're physically attracted to men, but not emotionally
Many men are physically attracted to men, but not emotionally attracted. While this could be due to internalized homophobia/biphobia (meaning that they actually are both physically and emotionally attracted to other men, they just can’t admit it to themselves) this is isn’t always the case. We know that physical and emotional attraction, while related, are actually two distinct entities. Even though these men are bisexual, because of their physical attraction to other men, they still view themselves as straight because they’re not emotionally attracted to other men or looking to date another guy.
14. It reaffirms their masculinity
Again, in Jane Ward’s book, she shows that in “grinning and taking it” you (as a straight man) are reaffirming your manhood and masculinity. You’re proving you can overcome the physical pain of anal penetration and the “grossness” of orally servicing another man.
15. Opportunity
This is a fact of life: It is very easy to have a casual, no strings attached, same-sex hookup. Hookup apps make it ridiculously simple, but if you, as a straight man, have too much guilt going online, you can always go the sauna at any YMCA or go to a gay bathhouse. If you are a “straight” man who wants to ejaculate ASAP, it’s easier to find a man (than a woman) who will service you right away.
16. It feels good
Having sex with a man feels damn good. We know what we’re doing. We’re active bottoms, and since we have a penis, we know our way around one. We know what feels good and how to orally service another guy like a pornstar.
17. It reaffirms your power and whiteness
So this is for white men who engage in sex with other white men. In Jane Ward’s Not Gay: Sex Between Straight, White Men, she discusses how masculinity and whiteness are intertwined, and then leveraged to authenticate mens' “straightness” by having sex with other men.
18. Sexual fluidity
Sexuality is fluid for so many men. For some in particular, it’s always in flux. It’s always evolving and growing as you mature. Because of this, there may be men at some points in their lives who are more sexually attracted to other men, but at other times not so much. However, they still identify themselves as straight.
19. They go gay for pay
Times are tough, and we all, regardless of sexuality, need to pay rent and eat. These G4P boys know this, and don’t mind having some same-sex encounters as long as they get some dough for it.
20. They like attention
Gay men are flatterers. We whisper sweet nothings. We say how attractive you are, and we say it to all men, regardless of sexual orientation. Some straight men love the compliments, love the attention, and love the feeling of being wanted to badly, that they hook up with other guys even though they’re not necessarily attracted emotionally or physically to other men.
