Bury it, gays: 10 queer trends that need to die in 2025

Grab a shovel because we're burying these queer trends before the ball drops!

If there are two things I love, it's queer culture and complaining — which is arguably a part of queer culture, but I love it enough to say so specifically. Being a bad complainer is a cardinal sin to me. There's an art to it. Not a soul-sucking gripe, but to bitch, to really kvetch, is a skill. And not to brag, but I think it's one of my best talents. It's a skill that right now is quite literally paying the bills.

Now, it's New Year's Eve. We've done all the wrap-ups and best-of lists. We've gathered in anticipation for all the queer media and events we're most excited about next year. I've waxed poetic about the queer books I can't wait for, and now it's time to dig into all the queer viral moments and cishet inconveniences I've politely tolerated for the past 365 days.

NO LONGER!

Before we step into the new year, let's reflect on everything we can't wait to put behind us.

The totally out-of-pocket behavior of stan culture

Chappell Roan has begun a reckoning for how celebrities deal with fans, and I want to see more of that in 2025. Roan has been very forthright and vocal about her boundaries as a performer. More celebrities should feel empowered to say, "This is my job. I'm not your best friend, and I am a real, living, breathing person. I will not be exploited and disrespected in the way we've come to expect from celebrities, artists, and performers."

Loving something vehemently isn't new, a 12-year-old girl put herself inside a box and and attempted to mail herself to the Beatles during the height of Beatlemania. In the 74 years since that incident, what it means to be a celebrity has changed drastically. Some of you aren't old enough to remember "Leave Britney alone!" and it shows. Social media has given fans an unrealistic expectation for intimacy with celebs, and a complete disregard for their privacy. Another key component of stan culture specifically is complete and utter hero worship; the idea that the people you hold in high esteem will never make a mistake or disappoint you. It only sets people up for failure.

In 2025, stan culture, idol worship, and invasion of privacy are out, respecting boundaries and letting celebrities be human is in.

Accusing real life human people of "queerbaiting"

"Queerbaiting", much like "the male gaze" or "gaslighting", is a term that has been so far removed from its original context that it's become meaningless. Queerbaiting, again like the male gaze, was a term specific to television and film. It was meant to describe situations in which a character's sexuality was left purposefully ambiguous to keep viewers invested. These characters would often be given relationships with other characters of the same gender that, were they a man and woman duo, would absolutely be explicitly romantic. But rarely would these relationships be made canon. They would run these gay relationships for years, but never fully deliver, thus the term "queerbaiting."

Queerbaiting can't be done by real people. It just can't. It can be annoying when some celebrities use the aesthetics and culture of queerness to make themselves seem cooler or to appeal to a large LGBTQ+ fanbase, but it's just simply not queerbaiting. Sometimes people accused of queerbaiting are queer people themselves, who are showing you in their actions more than their words that they are a part of the community. And sometimes, inevitably, there will be straight people who steal from the interesting, innovative ways that queer people express ourselves. Frustrating? Yes. Queerbaiting? No.

Giving energy to anything J.K. Rowling says or does

J.K. Rowling's transphobic influence on British politics is hard to overstate. The time she spent off of X (the artist formerly known as Twitter) this year were some of the most glorious days in recent memory. She cannot fade from cultural relevancy and the public eye quickly enough. I don't even want her picture included in this article. All I can say is, if the $7 curse I bought from a witch of Etsy actually works, the UK will have a brand new gender neutral bathroom opening in 2025.

Queer shows getting canceled too soon.

Queer shows are way more likely to get canned, and we're OVER IT! We're damned if we do, damned if we don't. They say queer shows don't get popular, so they get canceled. But how do TV and streaming executives expect shows to get popular when they get canceled after just one season? It's ridiculous!

And even series that become hugely popular or have a die-hard fanbase get canceled after three season at the absolute maximum. Look at Our Flag Means Death and A League Of Their Own. Both were massively popular especially in the queer community, inspiring so many pieces of art, fan fiction, cosplays, and video edits. Both were on mainstream streaming services with well-known names attached and Yet here we are, with Our Flag Means Deathcanceled after its second season, and A League Of Their Own canceled after just one. It's purposeful, it's unabashedly anti-queer, and we're sick of it. No more.

Speculating about someone's sexual position in bed.

Are the "top energy" and "bottom energy" memes funny sometimes? Okay, sure, I guess. But I'm personally so sick of the association of masculine = top = dominant and feminine = bottom = submissive. Did fem top fall teach us nothing? Topping makes you a top, bottomming makes you a bottom. That's it! It also doesn't have to be part of your identity — something you are — it can just be something you do! And it can be an activity that changes based on place, time, partner, or for no reason at all other than wanting to.

We're also leaving behind speculating whether someone's a top/bottom/vers/side based on their hobbies, interests, mannerisms, or how masculine or feminine they are. Openly speculating about other people's sexual positions, especially strangers, is freak behavior. It's not you're business, and it's weird, and it's often just based on outdated stereotypes. Like, wow, you think this very effeminate gay man is a bottom? And that big buff jock has "top energy" to you? Groundbreaking. Should we throw a party? Should we invite Bella Hadid?

In 2025, we're leaving this nonsense behind.

Arguing about whether or not scissoring is real

As someone who has had to write multiple articles over this specific debate, here's the verdict:

Yes, scissoring is obviously real.

If you think scissoring isn't real because you're not doing it, guess what? People have sex in all sorts of ways! If you think scissoring isn't real because you've only seen it being done in lesbian porn made for straight men's pleasure, there are better options out there, like lesbian porn made by and for lesbians! If you think scissoring isn't real because you've tried it and it didn't work from you, there are options! You don't have to scissor if it's a hassle, but if you really want it to work, there are plenty of tips and tricks out there to help make it a success.

That's it. Open and shut case. Let's not rehash this one for the millionth time PLEASE.

Debating whether or not straight actors can play queer roles

This one is a little more nuanced than the scissoring debate. I think it was easier to say "no, absolutely not" when queer actors could only play queer roles, or when it was harder to be an out actor (it's still not perfect, but progress has been made). It is admittedly a bit ridiculous to watch cishet actors receive accolades for their performances of queer characters, the likes of which queer actors rarely receive for similar performances. But should there be a blanket consensus that cis het actors never play queer roles? I'm not so sure.

Of course, there's the argument for cishet actors who've given groundbreaking, thoughtful, empassioned performances in queer roles. My go to examples are always Robin Williams in The Birdcage and Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo! Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Both incredible actors, and two performances that rival any other in their respective careers. But the bigger case to be made against saying only queer actors should play queer roles is that it forces performers to be publicly out if they ever want to play queer characters. Heartstopper star Kit Connor recently had to out himself as bisexual after fans of the show made a public outcry against supposedly straight Connor playing a bisexual character.

Yes, queer and especially trans performers deserve to be cast in roles, both queer and not. I'm 100% for that. But deciding whole cloth that no assumedly cishet person should play queer isn't the way to get the change we want to see for queer actors.

Queer characters that have to be perfect

"Problematic" is another term that has become functionally meaningless, especially when it comes to fictional characters. "Your fave is problematic" okay? Did they commit war crimes or did they have a reasonable interpersonal conflict? Like calling for only queer actors in queer roles, I think it was a much more understandable to want less "problematic" representation when all we had were stereotypes and caricatures of queer people in media. Something can also be problematic and a worthwhile piece of media worth intaking, analyzing, and even enjoying. Is Buffalo Bill perfect trans representation? No, but that doesn't make Silence of the Lambs a worse of less interesting film.

With trans characters especially, so much progress has been made in the last 20, even just the last 10, years. In 2025, I want there to be room for characters as deep, multifaceted, and yes, even problematic as queer and trans people are in real life. If you want some fascinating and flawed queer characters, I recommend Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters, which you can read while you wait for Peters' sophomore novel comes out in March.

Also, no more queer cop characters, please. Thank you.

Straight women referring their partners as "twinks" or wanting a "gay little boyfriend"

Here's a hard truth: most straight women could not handle having a queer boyfriend, nor do they actually want one, they just don't want to date dudebros, but somehow have completely lost the plot and starting calling their boyfriends twinks.

I'll admit, male bisexuality was really having a moment this year. From Challengers to multiple different viral TikTok trends, there was a steep rise in the amount of women wanting to smash their male friends together like Ken dolls. And who can blame them? If you're actually looking to explore a partnership with a queer man, or are interested in any form of nonmonogamy, more power to you. Writer Zachary Zane, better known online as the Boy Slut, has a body of work about polyamory and bisexuality that I can't recommend enough.

However, if you're a straight woman dating a man who isn't queer but isn't traditionally masculine either, and you won't stop referring to him as a twink or your gay little boyfriend? Politely, shut up. Just shut up. He's not your gay little boyfriend, he's just not a jock. And your straight yet waifish partner? He's not a twink, he's probably anemic. Get a grip, and get him to a doctor.

Disrespecting drag performers.

This is a multifaceted issue. Let's get into it:

1.) Stop being weird and disrespectful to drag queens online. Especially when it comes to big name drag queens made more popular by shows like The Boulet Brothers' Dragula and RuPaul's Drag Race, some of y'all are heinous. And I had heard about the atrocities that RPDR fans specifically are capable of, but I'd never witnessed it first hand until recently. My God, I have never seen such racist, fatphobic, misogynistic garbage, and from the queer community no less. I can't say this loudly enough: it's just a TV show. Calm the hell down, and get some professional help.

2.) If you're trying to support drag performers in person, quit being cheap or a freak. You are going to enjoy a live performance by performers who get paid via tipping, so TIP THEM. And unless you the drag performer and have their permission, don't make them pull the money out of somewhere that isn't your hand. That's mainly for straight women making drag performers pull dollars out of their cleavage without consent, but also stop putting dollar bills in your mouth. You have no idea where that's been, and now some poor performer has to grab your wet, yucky dollar to get paid.

And while were on the subject: Enough with the drag KING erasure!

Enough drag king and thing erasure, and enough arguing about who's allowed to do drag. Drag is a rich, diverse, and most importantly queer art form. The more queer people who do it, whatever their gender experience or drag persona may be like, the better!