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My metrosexual friend and I were talking about golf the other day. He was all gaga about the Masters going on and admittted to a big man-crush on Tiger Woods:
“Do you know what Tiger benches? Well do you!?”
“No,” I admitted. I was thinking of my favorite male player’s physique, John Daley.
“450 lbs!!!” He went on and on about how great Tiger and the rest of these guys were. He plopped down at the computer and pulled up stats and figures and all these photos from the tournament. The course…the history…blah, blah, blah…I was quickly loosing interest and falling asleep.
“I prefer women’s golf,” I smiled. “Google the Dinah Shore tournament and you’ll see what I mean.”
Immediately he was inundated with hundreds and hundreds of photos of lesbians. Intrigued, he began clicking; photos by the pool, dancing, drinking and cavorting. He took the time to view them all.
“See what I mean?” I gloated.
“There’s not one picture of golf,” he deadpanned.
“You’re right…but it took you 30 minutes of lesbians in bikinis and belly shirts to find that out.” I added.
Which brings up a valid question. Does anyone know who won the Kraft Nabisco -- aka Dinah Shore -- Tournament? I do…
That would be none other than, Brittany Lincicome. She’s one of the longest drivers in women’s golf, and boasts an average of 269.8 yards.
She keeps the stress of the game under control by singing country music songs with her caddie --Sugarland and Kenny Chesney for anyone that’s wondering.
That duo worked, because she hit two brilliant shots on 18 to set up a 4-foot eagle putt for the win. This was her first major tournament – 1st place.
"I can't even describe it," Lincicome said moments after taking the traditional plunge into the lake that surrounds the 18th green. "It's surreal, really."
Never farther than three strokes behind in the final round, Lincicome kept it a close game as her good friend Kristy McPherson and Cristie Kerr traded the lead back and forth.
McPherson has nicknamed Lincicome "Bam-Bam" because of the length of her drives, and she lived up to that by booming a 275-yard drive down the middle of the fairway.
Notice that she can whack the hell out of the ball and rock the belly ring.
Congratulations are also in order for The UConn Huskies women’s basketball team; they won it all in the NCAA tournament against Louisville. Whether you loved to watch them plough through teams or rooted for the underdog, they finished a perfect 39–0 season beating every team they played by more than 10 points. That, my friends, was a first for either a mens’ or womens’ college team.
Louisville’s All-American forward, Angel McCoughtry didn’t have time to mourn the Cardinal’s loss to UConn in the finals. She was the WNBA’s top draft pick–taken by the Atlanta Dream. Second and third picks were both Maryland players: Marissa Coleman to the Washington Mystics, and Kristi Toliver to the Chicago Sky.
In other news, they’ve announced this year’s inductees into the Basketball Hall of Fame. Michael Jordan is headed there along with four other members. Call me stupid, but I would have guessed that he was already in. The other member that caught my attention is none other than Rutgers University women’s coach, C. Vivian Stringer.
Stringer, 61, is third among women’s college coaches in victories and was the first coach to lead three schools to the Women’s Final Four -- Pennsylvania’s Cheyney State, the University of Iowa and Rutgers.
The playoffs for the NHL and NBA have begun, and (big surprise) all the teams made it, so you’ll have to wait a little longer for things to get exciting. Oh…and baseball season has officially begun. Since I live in World Series’ Phils territory, I’m celebrating with a riddle for you:
What does every president since William Howard Taft, Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and a nude female skydiver have in common?
They all dressed up in drag?
Close…but the answer is they all have thrown out the ceremonial pitch at a baseball game. And yes, a female skydiver in her birthday suit landed at Hi Corbett Field in Tucson, Arizona, to throw out the opening pitch in a 1978 minor league game. There’s a physics lesson involved in what happens to women’s boobs during a freefall…
In other free-ballin’ news, Bernie Madoff’s Mets tickets are up to $1,925 on Ebay, and I’ve discovered something called anti gravity yoga. It’s similar, yet different from the above activity, and seems to be catching on in New York City. They hang you from these drapes attached to the ceiling that look like a giant rind-cheese should be aging in them, then you do yoga positions that only circus trapeze performers can execute…and I do mean execute. That’s all for now. I’ve got to fly, or hang or something.
Play safe kids…and don’t forget to wear your sports bra.
Miss the last Sports for Girls? Read it here!
