Extolling the Virtues of Outta Town Ass

Recently singled: ie- bitter, confused, grieving and feeling generally unloved -- BY THE WORLD -- I remember my OTA entered at exactly the right time.

Three days of passion, three days of care, three days of feeding my girly girl and an endless amount of happy thoughts to cushion the blow of a break-up. Outta Town Ass is better than the rebound, or the overlap, or the endless lonely nights. It may even be better than chocolate...if it's done right.

Now, I know, it's hard for us dykes to not jump into another relationship.  Holler if you hear me.  But with an OTA, the practicality of distance is a much-needed buffer to keep you from taking that plunge into another governmentally unrecognized marriage.  

Different from a booty call, an OTA is essentially a three-day holiday-a mini relationship one visit at a time. You get all of the perks of a relationship:  the romance, the sex, the cuddling and such but with very little of the relationship trappings:  the negotiation, the compromising, the "let's just turn in, I'm tired," or the constant need to shave your legs.  When you're away from the OTA you don't have to shave, trim, or groom nothin'.  You can sit up on the phone talking to the OTA and looking like Sasquatch and she's none the wiser. Very little detail-- no negotiation-- no dirty socks, and no PMS if you plan it right.

Along with the Sasquatch selling point the lack of responsibility and consideration or negotiation is very attractive when you're defenses are down and you think the world is against you after a break-up.   

The OTA has very little to negotiate:

"What time does your flight get in?"

"9pm."

"I'll pick you up."

Settled.  You don't have to negotiate about the bills, the cat litter or the woman who was flirting with you at the bar the night before.  OTA wasn't at the bar the night before. She was outtatown where she belonged.

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You don't have to compromise with OTA:

"Do you mind stopping by a friends house.  They're having a little house party."

"Yup."  She kisses your neck.
 
"Party?  What party?"
 
Everyone wins!

Sex is usually great with an OTA.

Note:  don't have an OTA if the sex is not stupendous-- the word Ass is a part of the equation for a reason. 

Ass is not just a part of it because you just have to have sex, although that's alright too, but ass is an important variable because sometimes the right kind of kiss on the back of your neck -- or wherever else -- can remind you that you're alive. Sometimes, the girl needs to be awakened and a weekend with OTA can do it.

Along with great sex, there are a couple of important note worthy variables in the OTA scenario.

The visits must be short.  I suggest no more than three days, the same amount of time that I allow for a visit with my mother.  Three days is very fulfilling and everything starts to grow back after that time.

Also noteworthy is the joy and excitement that comes with the anticipation of the  OTA's return.  You get to plan things. You count down the days until they arrive. You pull out cute outfits- and with them only being there for a matter of three days- you can actually stretch your cute clothes out for several months instead of several weeks!  But key is the feeling of excitement that you thought was dead after your last relationship!

Also of note is the relief when the OTA is gone.  It's just you, and that's a really good thing.  After your three-day holiday, you are then left alone with warm feelings and a warm bed. A warm bed where you can grieve, dumpster dive on myspace, and roll around in your own tears and spittle moaning like the Sasquatch that you really are.

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