Dyke Drama Debacle

THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW!!!!

Okay, well maybe not a law -- I mean that would take the government and amendments and what not -- and it would give further permission for folks to make decisions about my life. So maybe not a law.

THERE OUGHTA BE A RULE!!!! Yeah, a rule.  something that’s written somewhere, posted with consequences. I really like rules!! 

Or maybe, maybe just a fine.

Yeah!!!!THERE OUGHTA BE A FINE!!!!  Something similar to what you would have to pay for not curbing your dog. And, like curbing your dog, there should be little plastic bags around to clean up all of the shit that happens. But considering our current financial situation in the country, maybe that money could be better spent.

Perhaps… let’s just have a CONSIDERATION with good intentions, but country singer Randy Travis warned us of the road to hell being paved with good intentions:

Country music seldom lies and if you intend to do something and don’t do it, then:

“I intended not to sleep with your girlfriend. Believe me, it was truly my intention, but somehow we ended up in the back of her Prius fogging up the window, and somehow I left wearing her panties”

 I guess a consideration or a good intention is not going to amount to a hill of beans.

So perhaps, a simple agreement, nothing legal, or written… No signatures or official stamps. We won’t need a notary, but an agreement, perhaps with ourselves that says, “My libido will not outweigh my loyalty,” or “sex will not outweigh my sense, or sensitivity,” or at the very least, “I’m not going to shit up a circle of friends with bad decision making that leads to unparalleled dyke drama.”

I’m taking the oath, as I type!

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(continued)

I guess what I’m sayin’ is…It’s messed up. It’s not quite as messed up as federal employees not having benefits for their partners but it’s pretty messed up.  I mean it’s shitty.  It’s not quite as shitty as the dog shit that I tracked up the steps into my living room and finally into my bathroom, but it’s pretty shitty. It’s tacky…not as tacky as white before labor day or shorting your server at a resuraunt, but it’s pretty tacky- and unlike the shit that I tracked in --it’s really difficult to clean up!

It should stop. And somebody has gotta do something about it soon -- before the dyke drama ruins us all and no one has anymore friends and we’re all relegated to our homes, constantly nuzzled up with our girlfriends merging into one mushy lesbian personality. We don’t want that do we?

So what is this stupefying, horrible, unbelievable phenomenon that I want to rectify on Shewired.com?  Is it me or is there a disproportionate amount of dykes who are taking other women’s girlfriends -- or going after a friend’s ex-girlfriend without the mandatory half of the relationship waiting period. It’s happening all over!  From my little world in Brooklyn to the Upper East Side where the fancy people live and all the way over on the West Coast. I’ve been getting calls, texts, and many a Facebook status update unleashing the fall out!

Some folks are just flat-out taking someone’s girlfriend while the other girlfriend is out of the country. Was that confusing? No worries, I’ve changed the names of my friends to protect their identity, so let’s just throw in some names here to make things a little easier.

Let’s say that Becky and Jenny are girlfriends and Becky goes out of town. It is not okay for Becky’s friend Lenora to pursue Becky’s girlfriend Jenny. I say NO to you Lenora. It’s unacceptable and it must stop.  It’s gotta stop, not only because it’s maniacal, sneaky, and underhanded- -because it is -- but it’s gotta stop because I’m tired of being in the middle of it!!!

Think about your friends here. Is your overactive libido, or that one moment of ego-boost enough to make you lose a friendship and cause your friends to mistrust you, whisper behind your back, and -- in general -- not want to come out to play with you anymore.  Take the pledge with me -- avoid the dyke drama or at least consider it!

Miss Gloria's last column? Read it here!